Tania, 46 years old: “I really started having fun after the divorce”

● Name or nickname : Tania*

● Age : 46 years old

● Place of life : in the center

● Sexual and/or romantic orientation : heterosexual

How long have you been single?

I was in a relationship with my ex-husband for nine years, including five years of marriage. In January 2024, it will be nine years since I got divorced. In the meantime I’ve had a few stories here and there, but none really important.

I have a very classic and “old school” family model, with parents who have been married for fifty years. Even as a child this was what I dreamed of living: meeting my future husband at university, getting married early, having children early and today already having twenty years of marriage under the mark… In reality, nothing happened as I imagined.

I had my first boyfriend quite late, then I experienced a very long period of celibacy during my twenties, with some fake affairs. And I finally met my ex-husband when I was almost thirty, we had our son after a year (on my initiative I think because I didn’t want to waste any more time). But before him I didn’t have much experience and I became a mother… During my marriage I don’t think I felt much pleasure as a woman… I started to really feel pleasure after the divorce, in my forties with what I would vulgarly call ” sexual projects.” I also realized that maybe I wasn’t really cut out for marriage (or at least I wasn’t cut out to live under the same roof as my loved one).

I have also been alone so much in my life that I like the fact of living alone, I am relaxed without having to answer for my comings and goings, my purchases, and I don’t do housework like a maid.

Do you think being single has an impact on your daily morale?

Yes, there are times when I really miss her, in the morning when I go to work, in the evening when I come home and a lot during the holidays. But that doesn’t stop me from living either.

How would you describe your single life?

At the beginning of my divorce, I felt the need to feel wanted again, I had lost confidence in myself, so I had a series of casual relationships, but which I ended up finding over time a little “degrading”. Now I am a single person who takes responsibility, who prefers to be alone rather than live in a business with no future.

Does being single impact your friendship or family life?

I have little about my friend life, because I often feel very alone among my friends in relationships. At my age I’m starting to have fewer single friends like me, they’re all tidy with kids and everything. At a family level there is no real impact, I live alone with my son in shared custody, we are used to this way of life. My son is even happy to have me just for himself.

Do you think being single allows you to do things you couldn’t do as a couple?

Absolutely yes. Since I’ve been single I’ve allowed myself to do many more things that I wouldn’t have done as a couple. Being single makes me more reckless. I got a tattoo, for example… And I do activities like rollerblading or tap dancing.

Conversely, do you think being single stops you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

Yes, there are things I don’t do because I’m single, like traveling, going to the cinema, going to a restaurant… There are things I like to do alone like taking a walk or even going to a concert, but traveling is a activities that I would prefer to share as a couple.

Does where you live impact your relationship with romantic relationships?

I live in the city center, where any meeting is possible, anywhere, at any time, I like this relationship with proximity where everything is accessible.

Are you actively looking for a romantic relationship?

For nothing. I gave up because at my age it’s complicated to find one because either I find that men of my generation are no longer very fresh (big belly, bald, etc.), or they want a mistress, or they bombard you with their stories of ex-wives. .. Here, I’m not looking for anything anymore.

Do you feel any pressure to “actively” look for a romantic partner?

Sometimes I feel a form of pressure, especially when I compare myself with others who are in a relationship. But that doesn’t really push me to actively search.

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

I used to look for one-off relationships with sex because I couldn’t find a lasting one and sometimes I had multiple partners. Today I’m a little resigned because I find that one-off relationships don’t bring me much. The worst is when we become attached.

Do you feel some form of injunction to have a relationship?

Yes, I feel the pressure of society and the codes it transmits. A single person, especially if this has been going on for a while, will always have thoughts like these: “And how come you’re still alone?” », “Why don’t you go out and meet people?” », “Why don’t you sign up for Meetic or Tinder? »as if it were an obligation to look for a partner and have a relationship.

Do you think being single has an impact on your finances?

Partly because I indulge in a lot of sometimes somewhat compulsive purchases to compensate for my emotional lack… Purchases to make me feel good.

What are your plans for the future? Does being single impact these desires and projections?

On my own, I have professional and artistic dreams that I have wanted to realize for a long time. I’ll go through with it, as a couple or not. Being single does not affect my desires and dreams. Being single even allows me to have better concentration and get to the end without being parasitized by “couple drama”. Next, since I can’t imagine traveling alone (and taking day trips sometimes), maybe it keeps me from missing big meetings.

Do you have a story about being single to share?

I have so many that I was told I should turn them into a stand-up comedy show or write a book.

* The name has been changed.

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