Coline, 24: ‘It took me a long time to digest that I had been ghosted’

• First name : Hill
• Age : 24 years
• Single since then : Always
• Romantic and sexual orientation : heterosexual

What is your relationship with being single?

I’ve been single forever, so it’s not something shocking or weird for me. It’s part of meeven if at times, I confess, I feel lack and loneliness.

I had a rather complicated childhood, with an abusive father who didn’t give me the love and trust a child needs. He has always belittled me in regards to my physique, because I’ve been overweight since I was young.

I’ve always had a distance with men and with love telling me it wasn’t for me, that no one could be attracted to me. My relationship with men in general is delicate, I have little confidence and I’m very distrustful, even more so today.

I knew a very short story. You can’t really talk about a relationship because they were just messages, it lasted 3 months. At first I was very suspicious, I put distance between him and me. And then, little by little, he gave me confidence by showing me signs of affection and a growing interest every day. Then, suddenly, nothing. No more messages, total ignorance. I knew right away that he had ghosted me.

It was a shock to me. I told myself that someone finally liked me, that I too had a right to this happiness. It was very difficult, because I had projected myself into this relationship. It took me a long time to digest this episode and move on. I felt very guilty, I thought it was my fault. My self-esteem also took a hit, I really lost faith in love, and especially in myself at the time.

Today has been a year. Since then, I’ve been better I rebuilt myself, I evolved. I don’t know if I’m ready for a story, but I realized how important it is to love and understand each other to know what’s good for us. But still sometimes, I think about it. It’s hard to move forward without having the answers.

Does your celibacy have an influence on your friendship or family life?

At every family meal, I am entitled to the usual phrases: “You would be much happier with someone”, “If Only I Could Find Someone”, “It’s Not a Life, Being Alone”, “So, still single?” », “Next time you bring someone back, huh?” »…

Even my mother often tells me that “ I would be much happier and more satisfied if I met someone”. I think it’s because she’s worried, that she would like to see me fulfilled. But it’s true that it’s quite heavy… It’s difficult for those around you to understanda single person is not always unhappy.

As for my friends, they support me by making me understand that there is no urgency or obligation, that I must focus above all on myself, on my self-esteem, on my well-being. They are in a relationship, but they are not in the judgment of my situation at all. On the contrary, they make no comments or implications about my celibacy.

Do you feel that being single affects your morale on a daily basis?

It all depends on my mood, but it’s truesometimes being single is good or bad. Sometimes I tell myself that my routine, my cocoon, is enough for me and that I don’t want anyone to disturb it. And then, sometimes, I tell myself that it must still be nice to have someone to talk to and who comes to turn your life upside down. In times of loneliness, sadness, the desire to have someone by my side is very present…

Do you think being single allows you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

I think when you’re in a relationship, there are things that you don’t allow yourself or are no longer needed. Being single allows you to have this freedom without worrying about others, your habits and not being disturbed and changed by someone.

I see it around me: many of my friends change their routines to suit each other. I can’t count the number of times I couldn’t see my friends because, in the end, they wanted to spend time with their partner or because their partner didn’t want to join us… Whereas when my friends were alone , seeing each other was easier. I get the impression that when you are in a relationship, you have to adjust to each other all the time.

Conversely, do you think being single prevents you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

My friends are all in relationships and it’s true sometimes it’s binding and unsettling to be the only person alone. We have the impression of being left behind, the one who disturbs. My friends go out of their way to make me as comfortable as possible, but sometimes it’s frustrating to be alone among these couples.

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

No, not really, I’ve never really looked. For now, my focus is mostly on myself, how to accept myself and how to fully develop.

What are your plans for the future? Does celibacy have an impact on these desires and projections?

My current projects mainly focus on me. I’m not trying to meet someone, I’m mostly trying to enjoy the moment, to take time for myself, to determine what I really want, to focus on my personal goals. We’ll see what the future holds, I’m trying not to worry too much about it.