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After a drab office building in Shepherd’s Bush is transformed into the Hoxton Hotel’s newest outpost, the inspector calls to see if the trendy retreat is “all style over substance”.

The recently opened Hoxton in Shepherd’s Bush – with 237 rooms – is the fourth London outpost of this trendy international chain.

Spectacularly well-lit from the outside, the retro 1930s cinema-style facade makes for an exciting entrance, not least with the large wrap-around bar taking center stage in the lobby.

The atmosphere is also busy. But after waiting 15 minutes to check in at the front desk, I’m starting to think it’s all about style.

This feeling is even stronger when I arrive at my “cozy double room” on the first floor of what used to be a gloomy office building. It’s not cozy at all, because it’s not much warmer than the streets outside; The radio (which is on and set to Smooth FM) flickers on and off while it crackles and the phone is dead so I can’t call reception.

The inspector visits the newly opened Hoxton in Shepherd’s Bush, the fourth London outpost of the trendy international chain

The building that houses the hotel used to be a

The building that houses the hotel used to be a “gloomy” office building

As I go back downstairs, a clerk with an American accent comes to my aid. He visits the room and decides to sit next to me.

The next problem is that Chet’s Thai-Americana restaurant doesn’t have a table until 8:45pm and it’s only 7:30pm. “They hold a few tables back for guests of the hotel, don’t they?”

“The restaurant is managed separately from the hotel,” says the lady on duty determinedly.

At the bar upstairs, the inspector orders a strong drink and some Thai-inspired dishes. He describes both the food and drink as “very impressive”.

Upstairs is Chet's Thai-Americana restaurant, where the inspector enjoys a perfect portion of scrambled eggs for breakfast

Upstairs is Chet’s Thai-Americana restaurant, where the inspector enjoys a perfect portion of scrambled eggs for breakfast

My American friend walks in and gets me a bass at the bar, where I order a hard-on and some Thai-inspired dishes, both very impressive.

Later, back in my shoebox, I hang my coat on a hanger with the words “Hey Good looking” written on it and take a shower.

The controls are behind the glass door, making it physically impossible to turn on the faucet without catching a cold.

Windows don’t open, but I sleep well. Chet’s is quiet at breakfast compared to the night before and can’t fault my scrambled eggs. I like the Hoxton brand and this industry is still in its infancy. It can only get better…hopefully.

TRAVEL FACTS

The Hoxton, 65 Shepherd’s Bush Green, London, W12 8QE. Double rooms from £100 B&B. Visit thehoxton.com.

Rating out of five: ***

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