Help, my sister raises her children too badly, should I tell her or not?

Released in December 2021

Daronne is the queen of less stupid advice wrapped in a more or less subtle touch of humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

Dear Daronne,

This year I will spend Christmas with my family and my sister will be there with her children. Our educational principles are very different and I don’t share his way of seeing things very much (he often leaves them in front of the screens, stuffs them with sweets, doesn’t take too much time to talk to them…).

It irritates me that my children are faced with this, and I’m afraid they will develop bad habits. What to do ?

Marine

Daronne’s answer

My Caramel Gingerbread (Am I Hungry?)

AH! If you often read dear Daronne, you are a privileged witness to many family conflicts which perfectly illustrate the following adage: We don’t choose our parents, we don’t choose our family, that is: loved ones are the wound.

The thing about siblings is that assuming we grew up under the same roof, we might expect some cohesion in the way we think and act. And in fact no, the sister does nothing but follow her path and one day she has a boyfriend who thinks Macron saved France and children who one would think sold their souls to the demon before she was even 5 years.

Tickle your choices

The problem with family Christmas parties, sorry, ONE of the many problems with family Christmas parties is that often we don’t just spend a few quiet but manageable hours with people who bug us with the system. Under the pretext that they don’t all live in the same place, we cram into a shack that wasn’t originally designed to house so many living beings and we are stuck because we came by train and even if we wanted to get off, all tickets are full at this time of year.

This leaves too much time to stamp our feet and get caught up in other people’s educational choices that so much contradict ours thatwe end up taking it personally. The sister-in-law who swears to wear the baby when you came in the tank buggy, wouldn’t she stare a little condescendingly at you sometimes? And your brother, always endowed with calm and polite children (drugs them or what?), wouldn’t he try to stealthily pass you off as a crippled mother who always screams?

Everyone does what they want, there are no right or wrong choices

The truth is osef, everyone has their own choices and God for everyone. Our children will end up complaining about us to an overpriced therapist who will prove them right no matter what. Contrary to what the networks claim, there is no turnkey solution that guarantees absolute family well-being and children who thrive under any circumstances.

If some acts are clearly reprehensible, most are based only on personal beliefs and what do you want me to tell you: we have the right to be stupid. Or at least to do things our sister considers stupid. This is life, not all children will receive the ideal education as it is intended and social correctness dictates that we chew the bite in the presence of families with customs different from ours. Unless the observed attitude is reprehensible by law, but I doubt that is the case.

Accept that when you’re not at home, it’s different

I won’t lie to you, I myself am decked out in values ​​and ideals and it’s not always easy to deny them on the pretext that I am fighting for family peace. To avoid putting your spleen in court broth, a little let go of the ballast it can’t hurt. In the presence of people doing things differently and exposing your kids to things that make you cringe, ask yourself where — really — you set your boundaries.

While some behaviors are unacceptable and worth fighting for, others aren’t worth agonizing over. Kids aren’t stupid (well, not too much) and I am totally able to distinguish between what is done at home and what is done elsewhere.

In short, they won’t mind eating junk food and watching cartoons for four days. Also, I think that it’s a good experience for them dealing with other ways of doing things, whether they are more lax or, on the contrary, more severe. It allows them to become aware of the diversity of the worlds around us.

Come on, I’ll leave you, I have some Lexomil to grind into my grandchildren’s puree.

bisette,

Your daronne

Featured Image: © Pexels/Ksenia Chernaya