How to find love while respecting its spirituality? I asked two women

The false beliefs surrounding female practitioners are innumerable, especially regarding their love life. To clarify many of the elements that circulate in some media or on social networks, I met two women of the Muslim faithMyriam and Sonia, respectively 22 and 28 years old.

The first is at Master 1 in communication and wants to become a journalist. He has always lived in France, his mother is Algerian and Muslim and his father is French and non-believer. Myriam grew up in the very strong Muslim culture in her mother’s family, without asking too many questions about it. It was only last year that she really questioned her faith in her.

With my 17 year old little sister, we had this click at the same time and she started taking an interest in it too. We learned to do certain practices together and have been raising each other ever since. Also, spiritual learning is infinite, it is very exhilarating. Today it rules many things in my life and is very close to my heart.

Miriam

For her part, Sonia is 28 years old and has been a marketing project manager for three years. Both of her parents are Muslim and she grew up in Morocco, a culturally Muslim country.. She came to Paris to study 11 years ago, then she got the click away from her homeland. Until then, she explains it to me it was cultural before it became deeply spiritual.

It was only around the age of 20 that I really understood why we did certain things, until then it was cultural, then it became more spiritual. So my name is: religious maturity. I am of Muslim faith, quite practicing, so it is something that is very close to my heart.

Sonia

What are romantic dating like when you are a Muslim woman?

When I ask them if they would be able to take the first step, their answers are quite categorical. For Sonia, if the person is in his or her circle of close friends, why not, but if it is a stranger met in public space, he prefers to abstain. In fact, if the person is not Muslim, he will be of no use, and he is impossible to perceive religious beliefs at a glance.

An alternative that it allows women to take control of their love destiny, and this is true whatever its worship, without fear of any judgment, be the dating applications. For example, Hawaya offers a fun and safe digital space, which allows users to be sure they are meeting men who share the same cultural values.

How can the application be protected, you ask? It’s very simple, every profile is validated with selfie verification technology, which helps to prove the authenticity of each user. There is also moderators who are very responsive to exchanges ! If you have any problems during a conversation, you can use the report or even send them a screenshot. In addition, it is very easy to see what you are looking for right from the start. Besides, the applications allow it address the lack of opportunities difficult to provoke in real life.

Critics of this type of app will say that it is a consumerist way of looking at love and that you need to be surprised. Still others will say they want to get down to business and that life has surprised them enough. I guess everyone finds noon on their doorstep, but difficult to form an opinion without having tried.

Myriam was in a relationship with only one boy when she was 17. It was a time when she described herself as less “enlightened” about her spirituality than her and her boyfriend was an atheist. This relationship gave him the opportunity to notice it not sharing the same cultural values ​​has caused discord.

When a sad event occurred in her boyfriend’s life and Myriam tried to reassure him by telling him that it was a stroke of fate, that it had to happen like this, the boy took it badly: “You don’t want my good, You don’t understand ! “. Myriam was too young to realize that beyond her temperament, faith was already beginning to dictate his way of facing his life.

Today, the first criterion during my meetings it really is faith. Then I pay attention to the rest: the physique, the mentality… From the moment I know that the person is Muslim, then I can really know him and maybe think of something.

Miriam

Sonia has never been in a relationship in her life, however, he has already tried to meet people. She has played the blind date game twice. Friends have arranged meetings with their friends who are single and Muslim with whom he may be stuck. But the spark was not present on either date. Sonia is convinced of it when you meet the right person, you know, there is no need to force things. Next, she decided to test the dating apps:

I like old school stories, where you meet someone on the train or at work. I registered on an application reserved for Muslims, with a modern interface that immediately attracted me. I’ve had two appointments which resulted in about four physical appointments in all. They were kind, polite, nice and everything. But there was no more click, or feel. They were two quite different characters. The first was very free, he didn’t practice much. He was fasting, but that’s it. It is a bit of a light practice… Besides, it is very rare to meet Muslims who don’t. On the other hand, prayer will require a little more rigor, more attachment. He drank from time to time so it didn’t suit me. Also, he was a little snooty at times, he had done well in his life from the side, so it showed when he talked. As for the latter, I think it was a little different in the sense that he wanted to have a little more fun. She wasn’t looking for a relationship that was supposed to get serious, she lived a little bit for the day, so we talked a little bit and then she vanished.

Sonia

What are Muslim women in love waiting for?

Also, the criteria that Sonia and Myriam look for in a man are quite simple and similar:

Kind, respectful. He must at least be educated, well educated, but also have an academic background. I don’t care if he’s rich or poor and I wish he had a sense of humor too. After that, I walk out of feeling, whether it’s Muslims and Jews or Christians or others, if you don’t have the feeling, you know. I want to spend my entire life with the person I want to relate to, so it has to happen naturally.

Sonia

For the two women, the “cultural” criterion is decisive. When they meet someone, they project themselves into marriage. If the person is not of the same religious denomination, the marriage cannot be validated… Also, faith is something they want to share with their husbands, to pass it on to their children later.

Conversion is a bit long, but if I know that the person has this desire and is sincere, why not. But it is usually not sincere, people convert to marriage, but then there is no practice. It would really be necessary that the person is already interested in it or that the course is already committed.

Sonia

As for the elimination criteria, they are pretty identical for the two women as well:

I am conservative about some things. But for example, a man who wants his wife to stay home and take care of the children is not possible for me because I have ambitions. I still have a fairly modern view. This doesn’t stop me from exercising as I should, according to a basic framework. But I couldn’t necessarily be with a man who sees himself as the head of the family and who makes all the decisions. There must be a balance.

I go back a little to the principle of conservatism. Many men hide behind this to say, “my wife does all the housework”. Some have not necessarily understood the principle. Because in Islam the woman is literally on a pedestal, it is said that heaven is under her feet. So women should be loved, we take care of them and don’t try to make them waitresses.

Miriam

“I’ve already been educated, I don’t need a second father, I know my limits”

Today you have the right to work and do what you want so there is no submission. Absolutely 100% of the veiled women I know chose it out of conviction and I’m happy with it. They are teachers, doctors and people from my family or those around me, so this doesn’t stop them from having a fully fulfilled life. This submission exists, but it’s not my case and it’s not something I see in my everyday life. I am very feminist, I grew up with two brothers, so I will not be trampled on.

Sonia

For the two women, the extremist images conveyed exist to create fear and this is true for all cults. As if a woman couldn’t make the choice to get spiritually involved on her own, she would necessarily be coerced by a man.

In fact, it makes me laugh when we say it, because in the end these are people who are not even knowledgeable about the culture. I just want to tell them to educate themselves, to go talk to the fellow practitioners and ask them the question directly. They will see that a Muslim woman is absolutely not submissive. Women who wear the veil, in general, wear it by choice for the most part. In Islam there is no submission, we are only subject to God, not to any man.

Miriam

Choose a lifestyle oriented towards spirituality, whatever the object of his cult it is not an obstacle to making romantic encounters. There are many ways to meet men who share the same faith interests. Furthermore, regardless of the culture we embrace, this does not prevent us from having feminist values ​​and living our commitments as everyone wishes.

Are you of Muslim faith? Why Choose Hawaya Dating App:

In addition to the fact that this very melodious name means my love in Arabic, Hawaya allows online dating to be compatible and adapted to the life that Muslim women have chosen. Hawaya’s men share:

• The same way of life and the same vision of the couple
• The desire to build a serious relationship
• The same cultural beliefs and values

The meetings are held with respect and with the consent of all, and in a safe way thanks to the moderators.

Credits: Uriel Mont / Pexels – Photo by Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels