Fathers’ visitation rights: women have their say

Emmanuel Macron said this in an interview broadcast by SHETuesday 7 May, which parents had to exercise “their responsibilities” ha “two”. The head of state wants to implement a measure requiring absent fathers to visit their children until adulthood. According to him this visiting duty he must make his fathers understand “ It’s a duty to be a parent, and it’s a duty that doesn’t end at the moment of divorce or separation.”.

Between the visiting duty imposed by the law and by the bond to be rebuilt after a separation, some women recount painful, sometimes even dangerous, experiences that are too often kept silent. Faced with Emmanuel Macron’s proposal to establish a duty of fathers to visitthe debate ignites: can visiting rights be imposed when the bond is broken?

This decision emerges in a context in which 85% of single-parent families are made up of single mothers. In France there are approximately 1.7 million of these families, according to data presented by the Head of State.

So what do the interested parties think of this declaration?

The opinion of Mélissa, single mother of a 3 year old child

“I honestly admit that I was dismayed by this announcement.

Likewise, the latest government announcements regarding possible measures (such as the four-day week for separated parents during the care week, the establishment of a legal status for single mothers, etc.) have been quite positive and tend towards the recognition of this family model which is unfortunately increasingly widespread and for which daily life is difficult.

But this announcement seems retrograde to me and above all completely disconnected from reality.

In my opinion, a father cannot be forced to see his son. I see it for my son’s dad. He sees him occasionally, I have a few text messages telling me he misses his son, but no action to try to see him more. For example, it has currently been more than three weeks since he last heard from her.

If a father doesn’t want to take care of his child, why force him? This will be penalizing, both for the mother and for the child. The child may therefore have certain expectations of his parents when, in the end, the latter will only obey a government injunction to avoid a fine.

Then, on top of that, if the father is toxic, violent or otherwise… What’s the point of letting him into his son’s life? Simply for his father to do a duty he doesn’t want to do?

It’s sad, but sometimes, the absence of a toxic or uninvolved parent is better than a punctuated presence with which it will only be more difficult to live with for each of the parties involved.

I find that this once again demonstrates the government’s disconnect with family issues or the reality of the French. »

The opinion of Lila, single mother of two children aged 7 and 13

“ Emmanuel Macron’s proposal “force” the other parent to respect his or her visitation and housing rights, or force him or her to have one, It’s complete nonsense.

If the parent has resigned, forcing it will only impact the child’s well-being.t (or children) and the peace of mind of the guardian parent. My eldest daughter has not seen her father since January 2020. Not that she refuses or that I prevent her father from seeing her, but he himself has decided not to give any further news.

Contrary to what some men think, mothers — because the majority, so I’m talking about this majority and not about the particular cases of fathers, even if they exist, but they are few — I just want that.

Let fathers take on their responsibilities, take their children regularly on holidays or weekends, maintain the bond… Let them separate from the mother, but not from the child(ren)! Unless the other parent is failing (with violence, risky behavior, etc.).

There is still too much misinformation about single parenthood. I see it in real life every day! For some, for example, PMA has no place. Or they don’t even understand that you can go from a well-paid job, to supporting your children alone, to another less remunerative job, and find yourself in financial precariousness. They don’t understand that the choice of a single-parent family is not an excess of matriarchy and exasperated feminism, but often simply a non-choice. Because sometimes the opposite parent never took on their role as a parent. Being a parent isn’t just about being there or earning money, it’s a much broader and more demanding role. »

The opinion of Paula, single mother of a 4 year old boy

“Personally, the father didn’t recognize my son – by mutual agreement – ​​so I’m not worried.

But I think of all the mothers worried about seeing their father arrive, not because he wants to see his children or because he doesn’t love them, but why he has to do it.

I think of the children forced to face this fact the father sees them only if forced by law. Even to those who no longer want to see their father (or second parent) and who will also be forced to endure this situation.

If the relationship between the parents is not healthy and peaceful, this obligation to visit will only make the situation worse. And I’m not even talking about it consequences for children!

I also think of the women victims of violence from their spouse and who manage to leave… but justice does not follow. Those who have been fighting for years to obtain legal protection. I think of those who don’t have one or not yet and of those who will find themselves with obligatory visits from their dangerous ex.

In my opinion, it would rather be:

• the right to request visits if the custodial parent wishes
• better implementation of jurisdictional protections
• develop childcare solutions as much as possible, especially for lone parents
• that the president thinks before speaking and that first and foremost deals with dismissing those guilty of violence from his government. »

Source: Madmoizelle