Why is it so difficult to make friends after 30 years?

Article initially published on January 21, 2019

When studying, making friends is (relatively) simple. Spend seven hours a day with dozen and dozens of people of their age, creates connections. There is a possibility that you want to go to drink from the world with some of them. Finally, except during the world pandemic period, of course …

But these friendships established on school benches (and on a common hatred of the surprise inteross) do not always survive the passage of the years.

So sometimes you may want to recreate a friendly circle in adulthood while you will not really know how to do it. Fortunately, the readers of Madmoizelle are there to give you curls advise.

Taf friendships

Work is a bit what should replace your studies, as it spends an average of eight hours a day, five days a week. So, it can be a nice way to meet friends, while you run the risk of course to find yourself talking about work in the evening or on weekends.

Suddenly, my advice is to try to go to your colleagues who seem beautiful or in your age group, even if sometimes it is difficult to have to get out of your shell (introverted word).

Take advantage of the cigarette/coffee/lunch breaks to get to know each other, so do not hesitate to offer them to extend your discussions outside a drink, a meal or an activity, if you discover atoms hooked with certain people.

Technique tested and approved several times by your servitudes (what?! Not feminine like this?) And by Maëla.

“I made friends at work, just chatting with them during the breaks. When we realized that we had common points and that the breaks were no longer enough, we saw ourselves outside. Even if it is true that it is often I prevail to see you out. Often, before finishing time, to finish with our conversations. Speaking of the urinary hell of the youngest, gynecologist and episiotomy.

Astrid, has a story of friendship linked to a little more than an incongruous job, where everything begins with a research by Cocoin “.

“I worked 50 km from the house and then I took the car and the highway to go there. I had already published my journey on various carpooling sites, but rarely worked and only on punctual trips. So, I decided to put a sign on my rear window indicating” Capooling Maville> Ladilleuboulot “.

Everyone made fun of me when I saw my car and saying that he would never work. Finally, one day, I have a call from another young woman, who tells me that it could be interested. The times and places were closely linked and we started in Carpool. Here’s how a beautiful friendship was born! »» »

Become friends around a common passion

It’s not just a job in life! Your activities outside, whether free time or associative involvement can also be a great way to meet people with whom you are likely to listen to you: you already have a common point!

All activities are possible: sports, cultural, activists, etc. The idea must be led to regularly review a group of people with whom you will be able to create connections. Personally, scouting has allowed me to meet many friends (and a husband, but this is another topic), just like the practice of theatrical improvisation.

But you can also join a orchestra, engage in a LGBT association, take boxing lessons or … make quidditch, like justine!

“I met friends in Angers thanks to Quidditch Santa. Basically, I just wanted to come and see the local team in the games, then in the end I joined the team. It is a very physical sport, which broke well, and people often remain there for the atmosphere, very friendly.” »» »» »» »» »

In addition to these regular encounters, we can therefore offer us to see us out. Go eat a piece together before the class. Meet to spend a weekend all together, etc. Very beautiful friendships from this common activity may even derive. As Charlie told us.

“When I arrived in Quebec, I wondered how to meet new people, in a completely unknown environment, and with different social conventions from France (despite a common language!). At the time, I started learning Japanese and linguistic, every week, to connect the students.

Friends of friends of Amici

Have you ever met your spouse’s friends and friends? Do you find them cute? Have you ever met their friends? By capillarity and persistence, you could end up meeting you during an evening or a picnic of people with whom you will know a really friendly love at first sight.

In short, it is worth hooking and accepting invitations to people who are only for the moment the knowledge that does not necessarily appreciate (well, if they are huge misogynies, it may not be worth insisting). This is what Sandra, 30 years old, who moved to the other side of France told me to follow the spouse.

“He quickly became a friend with young people in the same situation, away from their family and their bearings. The problem is that they were people I didn’t really hang. Having said that, it was thanks to them that I later did very beautiful encounters.

If you land in a big city, you can also try to see on social networks if your former college or high school friends live there. What will you probably offer to meet you again for a coffee? If you are, you will agree again, or maybe they have a new band to introduce you.

Parents’ mafia

Do you have children? What lucky! They can be an excellent pretext to meet adults in your age with whom to become a friend. And all the opportunities are useful to get to know each other: meeting of the parents of students, school fair, leaving the atmosphere, etc. Nathalie crossed there.

“I really built my entire friendly network when my elderly people (22, 20 and 17 years old) went back to the nursery school. And I also made friends and friends thanks to the associative crinache in which my last son was going (12 years). We were members of the office of this association that created very strong bonds of friendship.

So I have two very different circles: in the first group, I am the youngest, but in the second I am the oldest. So, in the first I can speak in menopause and in the second party all night! »» »

The virtual is also nice to make friends

If you have more problems going to the other IRL (welcome to the club!), You can take advantage of the virtual to establish strong and sincere friendships, or at least know the people you can meet in the meat.

Emma, for example, met her three best friends in a discussion forum between pregnant women.

“During my second pregnancy, I was stopped quite early and, quickly, I started to pissed off from my sofa. Fortunately, I quickly sympathized online with a group of girls who shared the same scheduled delivery appointment. So, at the beginning, you are talking about your concerns relating to your pregnancy, Heh, we are there for everything. And after all.

And one day, meet all your friends in real life, suddenly renting a barracks in the center of France. You embark your children, your dear and spend a weekend to eat, laughing, taking care of a child who is not necessarily yours, but that you have always known, practically. »» »

Some sites have even specialized in friendly meetings (and more if affinity), such as the OVs (we will go out) in which members can organize outings (shows, game bars, etc.) to meet other people in their city. Even romantic dating sites can sometimes prove to be a golden mine to meet friends, as Justine explains.

“I signed up for Geek more that it is, as we could imagine, a dating site. And it’s fantastic! Well, I haven’t found love yet, but I have many super friends!” »» »

I can only advise you too much to go out on the forums of Madmoizelle, to see if the readers live near you.

Finally, if you are abroad, do not hesitate to join the Facebook groups dedicated to expatriates. The meetings between French -speakers are often organized and announced in this way and can be a good way to meet people in your new country adopted.

And finally … make friends thanks to your dog!

I hadn’t thought about it at all, but Marie found an original (and evil) way to make friends among his neighbors: walking on her dog.

“Walking with our dog, we met the owners of dogs that everyone loves to talk about their dog and give advice. We then discovered that there was a group of walks in the nearby city with 30 people who regularly organized walks for dogs and humans and prompted new members. This group allowed us to meet a lot of people with whom we sympathized or not.

Today we no longer take too many walks of large groups, but we discovered real friends thanks to this group and we see them regularly, with or without dogs. »» »

If you have a cat or turtle, it is not said that it also works, but in any case never hesitate to involve the conversation with your neighbors and neighbors. Yes, because it is more beautiful to have good neighborhood relationships and then because if you are friends for life that live a stone’s throw from your home. Quite beautiful, right?