Help, how do I tell my in-laws that I don’t want them in the maternity ward?

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

In a few weeks I will give birth to my second child, with the greatest happiness for me and my family. It’s not the first time we’ve welcomed a baby and if I know one thing it’s that this time I don’t want anyone in my room in the maternity ward.

The first time was in 2018 and I had a very difficult time when my in-laws showed up a few hours after I gave birth. I was in a state of amazement after the birth which lasted a very long time and the meeting with my baby was not easy (I didn’t have, like many mothers, an immediate “love at first sight” for my son). In short, from a physical and emotional point of view, I don’t want to have to go through it again.

Except that I’m starting to understand that my mother-in-law, who lives 500 km from us, intends to take the first train to disembark and kiss her grandson as soon as possible after giving birth. What do you recommend me to do?

Thank you my dear Daronne!

Pauline

Daronne’s response

My little Pauline,

How I understand you. If Covid has brought us one positive thing, it is the ban on maternity visits. Seriously, who ever thought of allowing them? It’s not a good time for women who have just given birth to invite someone home. Although, of course, these visits start from a good intention: the pressing desire to meet this little being who will become part of your visitors’ family.

Try discussing it with your mother-in-law

The first thing to do in my opinion is the most obvious: talk to your mother-in-law. Explain to him that you want to be as calm as possible, that you want to enjoy this moment in a small group, with your partner and your two children. Because yes, there will also be the meeting with your elders to think about, and there are already many emotions, which we want to experience as intimately as possible.

In short, I’m sure that, despite the enthusiasm and haste, your mother-in-law will understand, at least I hope so! I understand that your in-laws live far away, so don’t hesitate to suggest to your mother-in-law that you schedule a later weekend where you can receive them once you are settled at home. This will allow him to see that you are obviously concerned about your little one meeting his grandparents.

Make it a rule for everyone

If you don’t feel comfortable having this frank discussion with your mother-in-law, make the fact that there will be no visits to the maternity ward a golden rule for everyone, family or friends. This way your mother-in-law will be in the same boat as everyone else, and this will avoid possible jealousy, even if you don’t tell me if you will accept visits from other people, which I can’t imagine in you.

Delay the announcement of the birth

Another option, for more privacy and peace of mind: delay the announcement of your baby’s birth. I’m not talking about doing it three days late, obviously not. But first, keep quiet about the onset of labor. I know there are two schools of thought on this: those who like to announce that they are about to become mothers, and others, like me, who prefer to keep this moment a secret and make the surprise even bigger! So, depending on your job and the time of the delivery, you can easily let a few hours or even a day pass before picking up the phone to notify your loved ones. In this way the mother-in-law will collect the train ticket slightly delayed, which will allow you to see her on day 2 and not immediately.

But in my opinion this solution is not the most ideal, because it means that you will still have visitors. And I read that you really want to be peaceful and with your family. So in your place I would opt for the second option: general rule for everyone, no visits and that’s it.

I wish you a happy ending to your pregnancy and enjoy these beautiful moments that will come in a few weeks!

The kiss,

Your Daronne