Help, my ex refuses to give me my stuff back, what should I do?

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to fly to the rescue of a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I stayed with my ex for two years, but our second year was difficult to manage: he was possessive, made a fuss about everything and demanded that I put my heart and soul into our relationship. When we were together, we had great moments, but daily life was painful. When I tried to explain to him that I was choking, he chided me for not putting enough effort into our relationship.

I tried and tried to make myself heard but to no avail, I ended up leaving him after hesitating for a long time. Of course she took this very badly and blamed me a lot before wrapping herself in her pride and telling her friends it was him who was gone. But that’s not the problem. The problem is, he refuses to give me my things back. Luckily we didn’t live together, but I still had some clothes from him, I had left some jewelry of little value, but which I hold dear, some books that had been given to me, including one autographed by my favorite author.

He doesn’t reply to my texts, or tells me he will contact me again to give me an appointment, or tells me he will ask his friend to shuttle, but nothing happens and I start to get impatient. How do I recover my things?

Thank you,

Steve

Daronne’s answer

My little orchid,

You are very lucky. If you knew the number of breakups that never end: we promise each other to stay friends, we fuck here and there, never breaking up and that’s how we get to the twilight of our lives not knowing if this story is really over. While at least you know you were right to set sail.

I admit that on the other hand you ask me for a hell of a glue. I myself have gotten to meet a number of jerks in my life and have never been able to reason with any of them. So I’m afraid I’m not much help. But we can discuss it if you want.

Recovering your things, is it really essential?

I am not a materialistic Daronne. OK, that’s mostly because I’m clumsy and messy and tend to damage or lose absolutely everything I own. But at least it taught me not to get too attached to objects because, unlike children, they can let me go overnight. That said, I completely understand your frustration even if it pisses me off a little, because your ex has succeeded in the coup of him: to annoy you and probably to get revenge.

And for that alone, I wonder if it’s worth fighting hard to get your stuff back. If I were you, I wouldn’t be interested in that kind of petty shenanigans. It would mean giving up an orphan earring, half a torn book and a sweatshirt full of indelible stains, but that’s how I am: uncompromising.

Not only does he care about your apple, but he also holds you hostage. Storing your stuff isn’t even a subtle way to nurture a connection and ensure that the relationship stays put. I guarantee you, it’s a shitty relationship where at least one of you despises the other, but remember Eric Zemmour’s omnipresence during the last presidential campaign. All of Instagram spent the first half of 2022 denouncing the words of the filthy dwarf, and therefore only talking about him. You hate him, but like him, all he wants is to interfere with your existence, he has achieved his goal of him. And just between us, is freedom worth less than some sentimental heirloom? I do not believe.

How to recover your belongings?

Ah, are you like that? I would have given up long ago at this point in the story, but maybe you’re combative, I don’t know. So listen, to please you, I’ve still considered two or three scenarios that might do the trick. Although I will not hesitate to repeat it several times if necessary: ​​generally idiots dare everything and are afraid of nothing.

The voice of reason: Listen, miracles happen sometimes. I don’t know the nature of your last exchanges. If the tone was aggressive, back off and calmly explain the situation: you really want your things back. You are sorry that the situation is not easy, you are sorry for that and if you want things to be as simple as possible, it is for him too. You trust his intelligence. Blah blah blah, flute, flute, flute.

The legal path: While researching how to force an ex to give up, I discovered that your situation was very common. It gives you a nice leg, but to me, it allows me to support the theory that a large weasel sleeps inside each of us.

In short, yes, so, first of all, you can send him a registered letter with acknowledgment of receipt. In this formal notice, you will be asking – effectively – for immediate compensation for your property. Relationships outside marriage systematically fall under the separation of property regime. If that fails, you can then seek advice from a solicitor or file a claim, although ideally you should have kept proof of purchase enabling you to claim ownership. I have to tell you that I’m quite skeptical about your chances of success. Justice has never shown great interest in what it elegantly calls “conflicting separations”. However, a lawyer can suggest remedies that will have the merit of putting pressure on him, even at the cost of contacting him himself.

If you’d rather not get to that (which no one is going to blame you for), threatening him may already get him back on track. While it’s tempting, I don’t recommend showing up at his house with girlfriends and hockey sticks. Not all dreams are meant to come true.

I leave you, I have to find a new watch for the Daron before he discovers that I broke the old one,

bisette,

Your Daronne

PS: If you ever fail to recover your belongings, please contact me again. I’ll be happy to send you this printed and autographed article in lieu of a signed book from your favorite author.

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