“Profem”, “#MMM”: these men who manipulate the feminist and sexually positive discourse to seduce

At first glance, they give hope for the future. A future in which gender equality is finally effective at all levels. Whether we meet them at work, on the internet or in the evening, these cisgender and straight men who call themselves feminists seduce us with their beautiful speeches based on anti-sexism and the deconstruction of masculinity. And if, historically, they have been considered allies in the feminist struggle, they are unfortunately very often problematic. Noémie, 27, recently realized this quickly:

“I met this guy on Tinder who immediately fell in love, mainly because he called himself a hyperfeminist. He followed the Instagram accounts that liberated the discourse on female sexuality, said he was in favor of more benevolent relationships, talked a lot about gender equality … Even physically, he was the antithesis of the manly boy. But the more time passed, the more I realized that his behavior was more problematic than he was letting on. »

But then, why does the discourse of men who declare themselves feminists always end up deeply upsetting us?

Appropriate feminist discourse to better capture

For Anaïs Bourdet, feminist activist and creator of the Tumblr Paye ta schnek, it’s simply becauseit is most often a totally empty speech :

“Their speeches often sound like Wikipedia pages from memory. These kids use generic expressions associated with the feminist struggle, such as equal pay. Profems like to use the technical words they’ve come up with, but that’s just a facade to give a good picture of them. »

An appropriation of a feminist discourse become popular today and which, in fact, is more accessible. Charline Vermont, a sexual health coach and host of the Orgasme et moi Instagram account on benevolent sexuality, agrees with Anaïs. Indeed, she too noted that cisgender and heterosexual men had appropriately appropriated feminist discourse, particularly that of positive sexuality:

” I launched the #MMM hashtag 4 years ago [qui signifie « Meufs Mecs Merveilleux.ses », ndlr] so that we can recognize each other among people willing to carry the charge of sex education and educate each other about sexual consent. Unfortunately, this hashtag has been picked up a lot on social networks and dating apps by cishetero guys, like the hashtag #jouissanceclub, without really taking the time to think about consent. Phrases like “my favorite podcast is Les couilles sur la table” have flourished for the sole purpose of getting caught. »

Deconstructing masculinity, or how to depoliticise feminist discourse and serve one’s own interests

But then, are all cisgender and straight men big covert sexists who are all about getting it without an ounce of guilt? Are they not capable of taking a genuine interest in the feminist struggle and participating in it in a benevolent way?

For trans YouTuber Léo, who recently posted a video about professional content creator Ben Névert in which he analyzes his discourse on deconstructed masculinity, it is the Cishet men’s inability to acknowledge their own privileges that prevents them from being true allies :

“Some really care about fighting for feminism. The fact is that their inability to recognize that they profit from patriarchy makes them incapable of actively fighting for the dismantling of power structures. Their speech is more of a balancing act between their small moral conscience, their ideals of equality and their interests. And this is a phenomenon that also applies to issues related to racism, transphobia, validism, etc.

The feminists we meet in the evening or on Tinder and who make a moralizing speech around the deconstruction of masculinity are therefore above all bourgeois for whom deconstructing patriarchy has no interest, because their participation in the struggle would consist in renouncing their privileges, Leo explains brilliantly in his video:

” Deconstructed masculinity is an ever-evolving bourgeois masculinity that reconfigures itself according to the needs of the times. It is also a masculinity that is on its way to becoming the dominant masculinity.

Only that fighting against sexism is equivalent to going back to its source, which is found in the power structures that organize our society and which are systematically to the advantage of middle-class men, in fact, and to the detriment of the rest of the population. The latter therefore have no interest in changing these power structures. They, what they want is to organize these systems of power so that they can navigate within them, while retaining their privilege, but with a clear conscience. »

Inform yourself, but above all keep silent

Is the participation of cishet men in the feminist struggle therefore in vain? According to Anaïs Boudet, cishetero men can be real allies. Provided, first of all, to educate themselves, but above all to listen to what women have to say and to keep silent whatever happens :

“If a man wants to participate in the feminist struggle, he must inevitably educate himself on the issue. And, logically, if he understood everything he’d read correctly, he simply wouldn’t have to bring her back to the question. This is the first thing. Because even if he knows something about the feminist struggle, no one will be able to understand better than gendered people what it’s like to experience it on a daily basis. A true ally does not produce speeches. He reads and is silent, period”