Diane, 52: “Being single again was a rebirth for me”

• First name : Diana

• age : 52 years old
• singles from: ten years
• living place: a big city
• sexual and romantic orientation: “Actually, straight, but I’m not closed: I think I might fall in love with a woman”
• pronouns: she she

How long have you been single?

I’ve been single since 2013, almost 10 years, and I’m very happy about it!

What is your relationship with being single?

At 24 I met the father of my three children. We spent 10 corrected years together and 10 years of forgetting me.

We spent the first 5 years as students and our relationship was fine. It was when we became parents that things gradually went downhill: when I met my ex-husband, he was quite a feminist man, yet, he installed a very patriarchal pattern in our family.

When our first child was born, he took 50% care of him with me. He took care of 25% of the second, e when the third was born, I took care of everything. I managed everything at home, it was a total mental and physical load. If I tried to have a job or plans away from home, it didn’t work out because it wasn’t supportive at all.

I was no longer myself as a person. I was the mother of my children, my husband’s wife. I finally clicked and saw everything that was wrong with this setup, so I walked out, with no money or work. And from there, I started rebuilding myself.

“I regained my self-confidence when I became single”

It was as a single that I found myself and rediscovered self-worth. I understood I didn’t need anyone, that I could live alonethat everything was accessible to me, that the decisions I made were the right ones… And, with much less mental workload, I was able to do much more by myself and for myself!

I went back to drawing, I took up photography again, I had time to read and go to the cinema. Above all, I found the moments of nothing very appreciable. Sit on a sofa, do nothing, it’s great! I hadn’t had the opportunity to do that in a long time.

Does being single affect your friendship or family life?

Even though I had more friends than my spouse at the beginning of our relationship, I lost many of my loved ones during the separation. I needed to move on, to rebuild myself from A to Z. During this time I refocused on myself.

Siblings and secondary parents, I have acquired a new status with more recognition. I come from a family where there was only one divorce in all respects, my grandmother’s after the Second World War. Immediately after the separation, there was a moment of incomprehension from my parents that soon turned into admiration: they thought I was strong to have managed to get out of it, and they understood that I will get out of it anyway What.

Do you think being single affects your morale, on a day-to-day basis? ?

For me celibacy is a possibility. It allows me to see how strong and independent I am. And honestly morally, I feel so much better!

Do you think being single allows you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

Again, it allows me to be free of my choices! In the end I tell myself that the couple is a concept that needs to be reinvented: marriage is nice for celebrating, but it gives the impression that everything is acquired, and that you don’t have to do anything else behind it. ‘efforts. I need my space of independence, to find myself and thrive.

I don’t have a blueprint for what my life would be like if I were to resume a relationship, but what is certain is that I will avoid cohabitation The early years. Out of the question that I take care of his socks!

Conversely, do you think there are things you can’t do because of being single?

I have trouble traveling alone and find solo holidays a bit boring. Being together also allows you to exchange, to find new ideas, I miss this a bit.

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

It’s a bit random, it depends. Right now, I feel very alone. Sometimes I want to go back to it a bit and look at Tinder, I admit it. I use it some evenings. At first I found mostly lovers there, then friendships. But we should invent an application for leftists and feminists!

My kids told me Tinder was only for hookups, so I tried Bumble, but it hasn’t worked very well so far. I often feel like I’m spinning fast, the profiles are very similar. Furthermore, finding partners of the same age is not easy: men my age often seek out much younger women (some even say they want to have kids!) and the younger ones aren’t looking for commitment.

Does being single affect your sex life?

I wasn’t very sexually satisfied in my marriage and my partner almost thought it was my fault. I felt no interest in our sex life, which was not happy. After the breakup, I had a very active period of sensual encounters and found the sex to be awfully good!

Being single has allowed me to reclaim my sexuality, or sometimes my lack of desire: if I don’t want to, I don’t mind, I know what I want.

Do you have an anecdote to tell about being single?

After my divorce, friends asked me what I would do single at 43. I thought of my parents who are 80 years old and I said to myself: I still have half my life ahead of me, it’s too beautiful ! I experienced this breakup as a true rebirth.

And then there’s the Tinder dating stories… I’ve got enough to write a book!

Photo credit: Getty Images / Maria Dubova