These resolutions of daronne that I won’t keep, I already know

I’ve always hated New Year’s resolutions. Personally, I’ve always seen it as a extra pressure, an injunction to perfectionto undertake impossible tasks and missions under the pretext that the sun has circled the Earth in 365 days and a few.

New Year’s resolutions, this bitter failure

Give me a break. When I was growing up, people always asked me what I had “taken as resolutions”, expecting me to say that I would do well in school (fail), that I would complain less (fail again), that I would no longer obey my parents (sad failure).

Growing up, influenced by those who make New Year’s resolutions faster than they recover from hangovers, I told myself I’d quit smoking (not yet), start exercising (my sneakers still in their box from 2009 I don’t care about my face) soothe my chocolate consumption and my nervousness against everything and everyone, and be, for this new year, more serene and sweetened.

I never kept any of those wishes. I’m always out of breath if I run more than seven meters in a row, I always feel like burning things when I hear Macron marvel” who could have predicted the climate crisis », and my consumption of chocolate is proportional to my constant nervousness.

These resolutions of daronne that I would not keep, I already know

But now that I am no longer alone in my boat, in relation to having given birth to two more or less socially adjusted children, I was tempted to tell myself that I would make resolutions about them. To be a better parent, a better mother, a better human being, all that stuff. Everything! Let’s be honest for two minutes: No matter how hard I try to make myself a whole list full of good intentions, I know ahead of time I’m not going to keep anything. The natural, the gallop and the bla-bla-bla.

I present to you my list anyway, the one that will be as unfeasible as a conviction for rape of Darmanin:

• Don’t be angry with my heirs, even when at 6 in the morning they decided to light up the plastic drain that my sister had the good idea of ​​giving them for Christmas
• Don’t yell, even when I’ve been waiting for my daughter to put her shoes on for 57 minutes when we should have been at school 45 minutes already
• Don’t cry all the time because I’m tired, or because kid number two threw up in my hair again, or because kid number one accidentally broke the necklace my dead mother gave me when I was a kid.

• Go on an educational trip every weekend so that they discover and nurture themselves enjoying life in the city with the most historic treasures, instead of spending the afternoon under the duvet taking a nap or watching Emilia in Paris

• Taking the time (and love) to play with them every day, when I hate it and would rather read a book that’s 7+ pages and doesn’t talk about positive nurturing/parenting/insert-a-term-here-that-means-the-same what

• Stop worrying about the slightest runny nose, telling me every time it will end with bronchiolitis and end up in the hospital on a ventilator, when damn it’s just a cold and everything will be fine
• Do not curse the other parents, those who manage to have a professional life that satisfies them, a balanced family life, a social life with friends who manage to see more than once a year, hours of restful sleep, a married life that don’t just revolve around the kids, a neat and clean house, hot coffee, and something else to eat other than defrosted mozza sticks for dinner because they’re too tired to cook

• Don’t judge other parents, those who let their child scream in public places without even trying to calm their offspring, those who don’t hesitate to send their child to school when he has gastro and it will contaminate everyone else, or those who call their baby Prosecco

• Stop getting mad and wanting to burn stuff because I hear little Louis, 6, tell my daughter she can’t play soccer because she’s a girl, but explain things calmly and calmly without getting on my big ponies

• Stop letting my kids empty my A booklet and know how to tell them no when they ask for a new toy / to go to Disneyland / to buy a nonsense in a supermarket that will break before they even get home

• Decrease cartoons for my 6 year old daughter completely addicted to Totally Spies

• Be more patient, even when I only slept 3 hours

• Stop comparing my life to the girls on Instagram, whether they’re moms or not, who seem to be able to handle everything head-on with ease, when my life feels like a permanent battlefield of sticky snot, piles of dirty laundry, of stranded evenings on a sofa with a glass of infused wine

• Listening to more podcasts to be a little less ignorant on the subject, when I don’t have time, and the few moments when I’m quiet, it’s certainly not to listen to people telling me things I don’t have the patience to listen

• Stop pretending you don’t hear my kids calling me at night and take it a bit with my boyfriend who’s the only one who gets out of the sheets to go there

• Pissing off my mother-in-law and her bogus advice, one more aberrant than the other, all with diplomacy, kindness and respect (mission impossible).

You see, that’s a good list. Quite a list that I obviously won’t keep, because I don’t have time, I’m tired the moment I open my eyes, I’m too stormy to be calm and meek, and most of all I don’t want to. I do what I can with what I have, and you know what? Not bad.

And you, what parenting resolutions will you be breaking this year?

Photo credit image of one: Getty Images