The inspector visits a hotel in Newcastle which, like the city’s football team, is impressive…

There are 16 Mals (as they like to be called) in the UK, most of which operate in converted historic buildings, such as this seven-storey Newcastle building, which was once the warehouse of the Co-operative Society and was built in 1902. .

It stands commandingly at the arched Millennium Bridge on the busy Quayside.

You pay extra for a room with a view of the river Tyne, but it’s worth it.

Across the street is the magnificent Baltic Contemporary Art Center.

Malmaison has always pursued a young market. Decor is dark and moody; the greeting bright and cheerful.

The hotel is housed in a seven-story historic building that was once the cooperative’s warehouse

“The decor is dark and moody; the greeting bright and cheerful,” writes the inspector. The hotel bar is on the top floor

My room has a comfortable sitting area with its own TV, a good desk, another TV next to the bed. Purple is the primary color.

“Dare to be different” is the motto I remember from previous visits – for example “Have an ear for these beauties” on a pack of cotton buds.

Here’s one by the shower that says “Too hot to handle?”

You pay extra for a room with a view of the River Tyne, but it’s worth it, reveals the inspector

At the Chez Mal Brasserie (above), the inspector dines on a ‘delicious’ portion of lamb shank pie

The hotel stands impressively next to the arched Millennium Bridge on the vibrant Quayside

Chez Mal Brasserie is even darker, but with the help of a candle I can read the menu. I have three large scallops in their shells and the lamb shank pie, both delicious.

A waiter tells me that Newcastle is in a good mood. Why? “Because we finally have a decent football team,” he says.

And a decent affordable hotel. Not top of the league, but still impressive.

Across the river is the magnificent Baltic Center for Contemporary Art (above)