In relationships, maybe everyone can come across when they are “bad together and in no way separate”. Interdependent relationships almost always become destructive. Is this love? No way. We talked with psychologist Kristina Khabarova what interdependence is, what its symptoms are, and how to get out of such a relationship painlessly.
Kristina Khabarova, psychologist
Interdependent relationships are destructive relationships in which one partner is literally obsessed with the other. Such people cannot live their lives fully because they always put the other person’s interests first. In a relationship, a dependent person is so strongly combined with his chosen one that his feelings and emotions become dependent only on the behavior of the object of his “love”.
Basic Symptoms of Interdependent Relationship
constant emotional pain
The person suffers all the time and chooses to stay with him and suffer instead of breaking up with a partner who makes him feel it. “It hurts me so much but I still love you”, “I love you despite everything”, “I am afraid that you will die without me”, “He needs me”, “And it is bad with him, but worse without him”, “I cannot live without you” are some of the words that can be heard.
The predominance of negative emotions
Constant anxiety, sadness, melancholy, apathy, impotence, jealousy, hopelessness. This is a deep depression. Minutes of happiness are replaced by weeks of grief. Negative emotions can reach such a peak that the addicted person does not want to live, suicidal thoughts appear. This constant pain and suffering is so strong that a person wants to be tortured forever. “It hurts so much that I want to stop it now, but I can’t.”
Thoughts consumed by the partner
You are constantly thinking about your partner, scrolling through situations, dialogues, actions in your head, and they are all connected with your “lover”. The whole world is seen through the narrow prism of a partner. Consciousness is very limited.
devotion
A person literally puts his life on the altar for the sake of his beloved: “I am everything for you, for you and in your name.”
Addiction consistently plays three main roles
The first role is that of the follower. This is manifested in the total control of the addict over the addict. Then he can move on to the role of the savior – “to catch and do good”, then he enters the role of the victim – “look, I am everything to you, and you …”
These are the basic signs of addiction that you may have found even within yourself. Such sick relationships have devastating consequences: emotional exhaustion, shattered psyche, psychosomatic, destroyed self-esteem, erased personality, lost time and lost life.
How to get out of a dependent relationship?
It is very difficult to get rid of such relationships on your own, it will be more effective to solve it with a professional psychologist. Addiction is an innate personality structure shaped by strong childhood traumatic experiences. But getting rid of love addiction is possible and even vital.
The first thing you must do is recognize and accept the fact that you are interdependent, interdependent. As with any other addiction work, including love work, the first step is to acknowledge the problem. From now on, your world will not be the same, this transformation will begin with the explosion of pain. At first, you will experience anger, resentment, hatred at yourself for losing yourself, for letting it happen to your partner and to you. It is necessary to let and let pass through the stage of experiencing all strong emotions. Remember right now this won’t last forever, everything will pass.
Next, it’s very important to get back to your personal boundaries. Be sensitive to yourself, you need to shift the angle of attention from your partner to yourself, practice and practice this starting small. For example, on which side of the street do I want to walk now, do I want tea or coffee, do I want to go to the theater or to the cinema etc. Turn to yourself, ask yourself questions, what exactly do I want now and listen to desires, try to bring them to life. Do not neglect to train absolutely everywhere. When coming to a cafe or restaurant, look at the menu and choose exactly what you want, no need to say “I will be the same as you” or “I am the same”.
Start treating yourself like a loving person, asking yourself every day: “How many good and pleasant things have I done for myself today?” You can start small: give yourself a chocolate, cream, perfume, etc. forehead. You need to strengthen your self-esteem. One way is to record your victories. Reward yourself when you reach a goal. It has to be something material, something that can be touched, smelled, worn, felt. Something to remind you that you can do it.
Working through interdependence is a complex and profound process. This problem requires a diversified approach and study. From childhood trauma to developing your ego and changing your behavior. Only after crossing this road will you feel like a free person and live your life.
Source: People Talk
