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For the first time: stories of people and a doctor who proved that late virginity is normal

In an age of universal freedom, adherence to strict moral principles, and even conservatism, where all boundaries are erased for others, may seem strange if not crazy. A close friend of mine, for example, kept his virginity until the age of 24, and people who learned this said, “Are you kidding?” “I don’t believe you.”

When the age of consent is frozen at 16, today’s schoolchildren can hardly be given their actual age, and everyone around is just trying to grow up fast (kindly reminder – enjoy your childhood), the game really gets new rules.

But of course, not everyone adheres to them and becomes an exception for them.

Some statistics: In 2019, the Russian Ministry of Health found that most Russians converge before the age of 18.

At the same time, the average age of “first intercourse” is 16 to 17, as Oleg Apolikhin, head of freelance reproductive health, points out.

It’s not about religion: why do people keep their virginity?

As this figure moves into the third decade, troubling questions begin to fly. “Why?” “Why?” “Before the wedding?”, “Is it about religion?” The same friend of mine answers them as follows: “I do not hold, I do not brine as you think, and religion has nothing to do with it. It’s just that I take close relationships more seriously than most, and I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone I don’t trust. And since I have not yet met a man whose presence in my life cannot be doubted, I continue my journey with “emerald”.

It is repeated by another hero of this material, who wanted to remain anonymous: “I can not say that this was on purpose – it just did not seem like a conditional opportunity that would not arouse suspicion in me. It seems to me that we live in an era of fast-paced, one-night stands, and I wouldn’t want to make my first time such a one-off and trivial story for my partner. By the way, in such situations, not only girls can find themselves, and our 27-year-old hero explains his situation as follows: “It so happened that for almost ten years – since school – I was in a relationship with a girl. Those who follow the “before marriage” rule. Unfortunately, we broke up a few years ago and now I probably need time. Due to a long and serious relationship, I perceive girls accordingly, the emotional context is important to me, which is often simply absent. But to be honest, I want to get rid of such a ballast as soon as possible – I can not say otherwise. He explains that he sees this as balancing, in large part because of how this issue affects relationships with the opposite sex:

“People seem to kind of stigmatize you, and they’re even wary of theoretical relationships.”

The girls confirm, “There are those who are afraid. Even in the presence of mutual sympathy and feelings, the fear of responsibility does not allow you to relax and reduce the distance. Often in such situations, men worry about the future, as if they are going to be taken down the aisle right after. It seems to me that this is an unhealthy story – I do not want to marry myself, and no one is exempt from breaking up. At the same time, both heroines note that, in general, such a biography element as innocence automatically removes those who are only interested in a conditional one night stand: “Adult adult men only increase respect for you, the attitude as a whole becomes more. respectful, respectful, affectionate.”

Society’s stereotypes and attitudes

In fact, social stigma is of course not complete here, and this is evident from the comments on the other side of the barricades. “It’s a little scary, weird, that a girl over 20 doesn’t have sexual experience, it’s automatically associated with religion or marriage. Someone will call it fear of responsibility and they will probably be right, but I see nothing reprehensible in that – it would be wrong to take a load that you can’t bear, ”says one of the guys in my circle where his virginity girls broke up.

Does late virginity affect health?

However, preserving innocence up to the Nth age is not only a matter of morality, it is also a matter of health. Polina Golikova, an obstetrician-gynecologist at H-Clinic, hastens to dispel the myths: “Actually, at 20+, the lack of intimacy does not affect the hormonal background.

The theory that sex is for health is an outdated myth.

The concept of sexual life and when to start is different for each person. There are people who don’t need sex at all, and that’s the norm. Among my patients are many women aged 25, 30 or even 70+ who have never had sexual intercourse and have not experienced any physical or psychological problems. As for the hormonal background, it is already 99.9% dependent on the emotional mood, which is more associated with psychological aspects – traumas and other stories that prevent sex. The only nuance, according to the doctor, may be the degree of discomfort of the woman: “With age, the elasticity of the genitals changes, and the later the first intercourse, the greater the risk of rupture. But all this is due not to a prolonged absence of sex, but to physiology and a decrease in estrogen levels.

In general, even the WHO (World Health Organization) emphasizes that the special emphasis on virginity is a form of gender discrimination and that innocence itself is not a medical or scientific term, but rather a sociocultural or religious concept. condition before the first sexual contact. And Polina Golikova notes that the latter is suitable “when the person himself wants it.” Moreover, the late “first time” has undeniable advantages: “I would choose psychological maturity and a conscious approach to the subject without pressure and the imposition of stereotypes from society.” So the game is always worth the candle.

Source: People Talk

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