We need to talk about the stress that Christmas causes parents

Article originally published in December 2021

For preparation for the holidaysparents have to run in all directions looking for gifts, organize trips to reunite with the family – which sometimes turns into a giant puzzle – and even prepare food.

This can be great, but if the parents are already a little stressed and overworked, can quickly turn into a nightmare and be a source of anxiety. All the more reason adding the stress related to Covid…

Parents who are lucky enough not to work during this time can take care of their children, and it’s a joy to be able to spend time with them, but sometimes it’s also like working, because he can be an athlete! For the rest, we’ll be back.

In the US, stress can ruin Christmas

According to a recent study by the Michigan Medical University in the United States, one in five mothers or fathers thinks that her high level of stress will ruin her children’s holidays. Very sad information that also speaks volumes about the guilt of parents.

On the other side of the Atlantic, even more than in France, delusions of grandeur permeate Christmas celebrations. It is more common there than here to display lights that can be seen from the moon, have gaudy Christmas decorations, prepare plenty of food and put many parcels under the tree, especially in middle and rich classrooms.

The poorest, for their part, very numerous (in 2019 10.5% of the population lived below the poverty line), struggle to organize parties with very tight budgets – and this too is a great source of stress. .

For Sarah Clark, co-director of this recent study and a researcher in the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Michigan Medicine, it’s important to decide priorities, if we can’t take everything for granted:

“Some parents have to keep in mind that sticking to tradition is not the most important thing for children. »

Recommend that parents ask the children what their expectations are and what they had preferred in years past.

I would add that even for parents of small children it makes no sense to put too much pressure on Christmas, since they don’t understand the meaning of this holiday! Better try to spend quality time with them.

And in France a more serene Christmas?

In our dear country, holidays can also be a source of stress and synonymous with constraints.

Gifts: joy of giving, pleasure of receiving

According to a recent IFOP survey reported by LCI extensionalmost 8 out of 10 French are stressed about buying gifts. The reasons given are the fear of not finding good ideas, or that of running out of time. What should be a source of joy then turns into a race against the clock, like Toy Race with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

This responsibility often falls on women, who are primarily responsible for gifts – a 2013 survey of the women’s diary indicated that 95% of French women manage the choice and purchase of gifts themselves. Ninety-five percent. Yup.

The Mécreantes Instagram account gives us a quantified analysis of what the mental load of Christmas for women :

Some people go on a Christmas mental load strike, not necessarily understood by everyone, but this is how we go about it:

The women’s press and social networks form a magical (diabolical!) association to exert mad pressure on women, overwhelmed by models of party tables and other time-consuming decorations.

The debates: divisive arguments and old grievances

During family meals, a certain generational clash and the return to the table of subject of tension it can also create significant anxiety.

The fact of being vegetarian, of being childfree, the differences of opinion on the education to be given to children… and so on, and the best!

As for family meals where you fear overflowing on divisive topics, why not occupy the children’s table? Sometimes they are really good company!

For parents of young children, especially those who attend kindergartens (those nests of viruses), illnesses, currently in full swing, are a great source of stress. I don’t even count the number of diseases my children have had since the beginning of winter: bronchiolitis, gastro, chicken pox, otitis media, scarlet fever, etc. ! And unfortunately this is the fate of many parents, who even decide to do it don’t go on vacation. This is the case of Suzie, who confided Lose :

“Number 1 reason for stress: our baby will get sick every time, since he hasn’t stopped since mid-October… except to find a doctor during the holidays, bye! Already in 93 it is complicated. So this year we are not leaving. It’s less stressful. »

Some, to avoid stress, therefore choose to stay at home, even if it is sometimes difficult for the family to understand.

We can therefore only advise parents to do so set the bar a little lower on gifts and meals, ignore pressures of all kinds and put things in perspective to try to enjoy the same. Personally, I’m starting to get used to the idea that my gifts can be mugs bought at a motorway rest area, due to lack of time.

We remain optimistic, there will be no doubt good times ! And for tired parents of small children, think of the day not far off when your children will have grown up and you will be able to reopen a book, in front of the fire, with mulled wine or hot tea…

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