Screens: when grandparents abuse them with their grandchildren

The official recommendations are formal: no screening for three years. If parents do their best to respect these indications, sometimes they collide with incomprehension, even with the bad faith of their parents.

Between the television on all day and the deluge of cartoons, the grandparents struggle to press the stop button on their favorite device. But is it really serious? And when should you intervene?

Screen time with the grandparents

With grandpa and grandma, television is often close at hand. According to a 2019 study of 357 grandparents who care for their grandchildren at least once a week, half of their childcare time was spent in front of a screen.

This excessive television consumption can upset parents who strictly regulate access to televisions and other tablets. Like Camille, mother of two children aged 3 and 5, whose family does not always respect choices:

We’re not against screens at home at all, but we’ve had some sticking points with grandparents on both sides about it. We had decided not to put the children in front of the screens in the morning, despite everything, my mother often shows them when she wakes up, or she replaces the evening story with a cartoon. From my in-laws, we learned through our son that they put him in front of cartoons absolutely not suitable for his age when he wasn’t taking a nap.

Same problem with Claire, mother of a 5-year-old girl and a 3-year-old boy:

My in-laws put the children in front of the television in the morning and very often in the afternoon and evening, while at home the rule was: no screens before the age of two or three. Today we let them watch during their quiet time and on weekends. On my parents’ side, the television is almost always on and they show a lot of cartoons to keep the kids busy.

Like Claire, some parents also regret the omnipresence of a television, always on in the family living room, with the risk of exposing the children present to content unsuitable for their age. Camille, mother of a one-and-a-half-year-old girl, notices her in-laws have trouble letting go of the remote:

We don’t want to show our daughter a screen and have to fight to get her to turn off the TV when we get home. Also, if the shows they watch aren’t “dangerous,” like game shows, they’re not at all interesting to a child.

Some content has no other interest for the little ones. Others can turn out to be violent and anxious, as this other reader, mother of two girls, deplores:

What worries me most is that our parents put nonsense on television. Her grandparents leave her in front of the same channel for several hours and the programs that follow one another are not suitable for children, even violent ones.

The television of discord can even pollute the relationship, to the point of no longer wanting to entrust one’s children to the grandparents concerned. Jeanne also has two little girls, and she regrets that in their presence the in-laws systematically wield the screen prankster, without the slightest restraint:

My in-laws have never done any business with them, and have the “babysitter tv” reflex, even if they know our position on the matter. For them, a child takes care of the TV, period. In five years, our daughters were only with them for an hour, during which time they were glued to a violent cartoon. My youngest was only six months old… It put us off! We know that if we gave them one day, it would be a full day of continuous television, with programs not appropriate for their age, so we no longer entrust them.

Flexibility and compromise in the family

Children are perfectly capable of differentiating between everyday instructions and exceptional situations. If the parents are allowed to let go of the ballast, the grandparents are still required to comply with the basic principles in terms of adapted content. To limit ruptures (and conflicts), adults can discuss in advance what is acceptable or not, bearing in mind that the rules can be loosened, but that there are limits that must not be exceeded.

Now that her kids are grown up, Claire takes no offense at this exceptional screen moment:

I don’t find it that serious anymore. My children don’t often see their grandparents and they are very good at distinguishing house rules from those of others, especially when we are not around. I actually find that they spend a lot of time in front of screens when being cared for by our parents, but I personally still enjoy this relay.

Jeanne is also grateful for the help her parents give her and understands that the rules are different at home:

My parents babysit my daughter regularly and she is entitled to short cartoons every day. It’s not what we would do at home, but it’s going well. She doesn’t ask when she gets home, and we’re fine with them keeping her. It is a compromise that we accept without worries! Especially since they also do a lot of activities with her.

Do your children watch too much television from your parents or in-laws and fear the upcoming family Christmas? You are not alone. Take a deep breath and remember: This is great and won’t ruin them. Just make sure that the demon station does not broadcast anything that could offend your little treasures and you, take advantage of this moment of tranquility to enjoy one, two or three glasses of champagne.