How to escape rotten gifts this year? We have 3 suggestions!

A little imagination, please. It’s December 24th in the evening, or the 25th in the morning, depending on which side you’ve chosen. The tree shines brightly, unless your cat has cut it down. Your feverish hands are working to politely untie the ribbon encircling one of your gifts, instead of tearing it apart as you so wish to do. Finally, you set the glittering paper aside, release the long-awaited gift without further ado, and discover…

– Oh! A bathrobe… another one? Well, I didn’t have to… yeah, I like it, it’s great, no, it’s just a surprise, but a happy surprise, huh! Is there still champagne, otherwise?

This slice of life is perhaps pure fiction, or perhaps inspired by the life of a very real journalist who decided to write this article as a reaction. We will never know.

We are sure of two things: no one should own more than one bathrobe, though everyone needs a few tips to avoid the disappointment of cheap Christmas presents.

A wishlist of gifts, the simple trick

Let’s start at the beginning: You see, Santa’s list that lets parents know what their adorable child wants, having detailed the entire toy catalog? It’s very practical, so why not take inspiration from this tradition as an adult?

The magic of the Internet, many sites allow you create a wishlist in just a few clicks and assemble all the products that interest you, regardless of their price and regardless of the store that sells them. Your loved ones just have to dig in! Well-known options include Listy and of course Amazon (you can include anything you want, not just items sold by the platform).

If it’s the element of surprise that does the magic of Christmas for you, don’t worry: you can set up your list so you don’t know what people have picked. The list will only update for visitors, not for you! Let’s say it narrows down the field of possibilities…

It’s up to you to choose what you prefer: the guarantee of a cool but somewhat discounted gift, or the risk of an original but potentially lame gift.

An Excel spreadsheet of presents, the control freak’s trick

There are people in this world who are not only comfortable with Excel-like spreadsheets, but also feel a kind of pleasure when confronted with them. It’s like hating cilantro or cum on your breasts, you can’t control it, but if you’re not the type to practice masturbation in front of well-ordered cells, it doesn’t matter: you can also use this trick!

It’s about working on your poker face a little bit, because we’re not going to lie… but we’re not going to be completely honest either.

The idea is to create a spreadsheet that is shared with the people who regularly give you gifts and who you do it to as well. Every time one of you receives a gift, she notes it with the date (eg “Bathrobe, 12/25/2019”). The (official) goal? It’s simple: keep track of what people have received so you don’t give them something they already have!

And if ever, leaning on the spreadsheet, your daronne realizes that she has already offered you a bathrobe and that therefore this year she should find another idea, well let’s say it will be an added value. Not at all the real purpose of the maneuver, no, not at all.

The conspiracy, the latest trick

It seems that “Alone we go faster, together we go further”. Let’s adapt this very true saying to our topic of the day.

This trick works especially well in a family or group of friends where everyone knows each other. is choose an accomplice to whom you are close and who will have only one goal: to protect you from rotten gifts. Sure, you can return the favor, that’s also the spirit of Christmas.

For example, choose your little sister as an accomplice. Her job will be to investigate to find out what your family members think is taking you and, if necessary, correct the situation by directing your mother to something other than a fucking bathrobe. Or something else, huh, it’s just this bathrobe thing is sticking to your throat.

A bit like the agents of Mission Impossible, your accomplice will have to use all the weapons at his disposal to convince (implicit, honesty, puss in boots eyes, invention of a fictitious gift that duplicates the bathrobe, etc.); as for you, you will obviously deny any association with your little sister if anyone ever smells the trick.

It’s up to you to decide which trick suits you best, based on your ability to bluff and your potential aversion to Excel spreadsheets. Wishing you Happy New Year and not too moldy gifts!

PS: Mom I love you, thanks for the bathrobes.