Last Friday I dragged myself to my son’s school to get him, half pajamas and sleepy, my mind clouded by the accumulated fatigue of the week. While waiting for the gates to open, I exchange banalities with other mothers observing the handful of fathers present in the midst of this maternal panorama.
I remember then that, as a child, we called this moment “mom time”. The day we see as many fathers as mothers at the end of class, we will be a little ahead, but obviously it is not for now, despite the creation of marketing stamped “new fathers”.
The bell rang and I could not hold back a tender smile as I heard the rhythmic melody of hundreds of small footsteps galloping towards the gate of the kindergarten. Each of the noggins scans the space in search of its parent. Then I meet the gaze of my son who, seeing me, reveals all his teeth in miniature and runs towards me to give me a supported hug of which only he has the secret.
– “How was your day my love?”
– “It was great, I played with Eric and Tom, and then we drew, then we ran and then we threw sand at each other and … and …”
– “It’s wonderful! I saw some photos where you were climbing a rope, you are super strong!”
– “Yes, I’m strong mom, it’s because I’m a boy! “
– “Ah, but I saw that Libi and Sarah also knew how to climb the rope, they too are very strong”
– “No, it’s not the same thing, they’re not strong, they’re girls”
“First button lit: the sense of guilt, a great classic of motherhood”
I look at him, taken aback. My son is only 4 years old, a very small end of life and, already, some gender stereotypes that are not based on any material reality have infiltrated him. First button clicked: the sense of guilt, a great classic of motherhood. Did something about my behavior or my speech make him think boys were stronger than girls? Are you from school? From our extended family? The answer is probably that it comes from all these little people, myself included, who make up the company.
More or less consciously, any individual or socialization group that children encounter during their development will promote the reproduction of gender roles and behaviors. This will go through a compliment to a little girl for her dress or hairstyle versus a compliment to a child for her funny or reckless personality. Or again, through the games towards which everyone will be pushed, physical and adventurous for the boys (cars, ball games), more intimate and internal for the girls (dinette, doll, jump rope).
“From the age of 4, 70% of children have integrated discriminatory representations”
Gender geographer Edith Maruéjouls observes in her research that boys are at the center of the playground and girls are relegated to the corners and edges. Thus, while girls are expected and conditioned in terms of kindness and self-denial, boys are expected in terms of strength and occupation of space.
According to a study by the General Inspectorate of Social Affairs (IGAS), it is observed that, from an early age, children are exposed to gender norms that will influence their behavior, representations and preferences. Therefore, from the age of 4, 70% of children integrated arbitrary and discriminatory representations: “They spontaneously identify power with the masculine and identify it as the dominant of the feminine”reports the study.
I’m at the height of my son, one knee on the ground:
– “It is true that you are strong in my heart, but it is not because you are a boy, but simply because you are a child full of curiosity and energy. Mom showed you the videos of her pole dance class, do you think I’m cool? “
– “Oh yeah, you have to be too strong to do pole dance with your head down and all the rest of it…”.
He is silent and looks at me for a good 5 seconds without saying anything: I have a passion for children’s facial expressions during their time of reflection. In a raised eyebrow or puckered lip, each of their questions and their resolution appear in real time.
– “But then you are a girl and plus you do pole dance, so the girls are strong too! “
We will not have deconstructed the patriarchy with this specific result, but we will continue to address it.
To stalk Illana Weizman and read his reflections daily, go on his Twitter account and on his Instagram account.
Cover image: © Getty Images
Portrait of Illana Weizman: © Sarah Salazar
Graphic design: Audrey Godefroy / Madmoizelle
Source: Madmoizelle
Ashley Root is an author and celebrity journalist who writes for The Fashion Vibes. With a keen eye for all things celebrity, Ashley is always up-to-date on the latest gossip and trends in the world of entertainment.
