Because I have been living without sex for 2 years

Posted January 10, 2020

If I haven’t had sex for 2 years, it’s not a moral, spiritual or religious position and I don’t have any sex-related trauma. When I say trauma, I associate it with an event, as well as very specific consequences (post-traumatic stress disorder for example), which I myself do not have.

Since it seems like everywhere, we don’t really understand how we can do without sex for so long without being a victim of sexual assault or being asexual …

I will explain what brings me to this situation.

I’m not asexual

Yeah, I know I’m not asexual because I sometimes crave sex and have a desire for men. Despite this, I am not currently in a sexual relationship and it is not a situation that poses a problem for me. I see it can be difficult to understand when you are not like that.

In any case, many of my friends have a hard time conceiving it, we laugh at it, but I know that they would live very badly to find themselves in this situation.

Here I will focus on non-couple relationships, because currently getting into a relationship is not a priority, nor really possible for several months. I have a work-study program, so every two months I live in two different cities. Besides, I don’t want to live in any of them.

Consequently, I don’t want to invest myself in a relationship that will necessarily be long-distance for the next year. After, if I fell in love, I would let myself be carried away.

But why haven’t I had sex for two years, what the hell ?!

I’m not made for one night stand adventures

The first reason is a general lack of interest in one night stand adventures. I had a few there once, and even though it went well, it was with nice people, I don’t have an unbeatable memory of them.

Indeed, I need some time to adjust to the other before I really get aroused. While I can easily have orgasms with external clitoral stimulation and with casual partners, I feel this isn’t what really satisfies me.

Also, in a relationship, it always took me several weeks to be able to have orgasms from penetration, and I think it comes from there. I cannot let go completely until a connection is established.

Sex is not unpleasant to me and I may very well find someone to sleep with regularly enough to get used to. After all, there are plenty of apps that thrive on this theme. So I come to my second point: I find it difficult to trust men.

I find it difficult to trust men

Overall, I’ve always had trouble putting myself in a weak position and I feel that having sex with a man puts me in a weak position. Because I feel he can hurt me a lot more than I can hurt him.

This lack of confidence was exacerbated after hanging around for long months on exclusively male forums where I could see all the misogyny that can be when men talk about women to each other.

Arguing with them, I realized this IRL (in real life), I could have been fooled, that they could have been good looking men and that I would have liked. I figured they would then talk about me as they talk about their partner, even for some, who share stolen photos.

Even if they are a minority to go this far, even if they would be a minority to be so disrespectful, the mere fact of knowing that I could not spot them seriously undermines the trust I can have in them.

The only viable option I’ve found is not to have a flirt at first, see how the guy behaves when he’s with his friends and he’s not trying to flirt with me. In this context, a dating application is totally unthinkable … E This severely limits my chances of meeting !

I lack self-confidence

Finally, the last point is that I generally don’t like men (even if it happens), that I am afraid of rejection and that consequently, I have developed low self-confidence regarding my abilities to please.

I’m not very beautiful by today’s beauty standards.

And then I don’t do anything to match it: I don’t wear makeup, I hardly ever wear a dress or shorts, I have short hair, etc.

Not that you can’t be beautiful in those conditions, but that’s not, I don’t think, what attracts more men.

In everyday life it is not something that worries me, I see beauty as a skill that I do not have and also I do not try to develop it.

I don’t like being desirable in the eyes of people I don’t like.besides the fact that I don’t like wearing makeup or wearing nice clothes.

And if this state of affairs suits me in my daily life, on the other hand when it comes to pleasure, I no longer have any confidence in myself.

And even though one day I found myself liking a man I liked, if the issue of my absence of waxing hadn’t been addressed earlier, I know I would feel nothing for fear of being rejected. last moment.

I’m afraid of “having sex” on a man

After that, there are other things that come into play, most notably the fact that I feel uncomfortable one-on-one with someone (but there, it’s also about friendly domination).

For example, I’ve had two such occasions, with guys I met on the forums.

We talk to each other because it is the principle of a forum, we see that we get along well, that there could be more, but the idea of ​​meeting someone IRL the one on one scares me (fear of nothing to say, for example).

And finally, I need hugs and tenderness more than sex.

The best for me would be to spend the night with a guy where we would cuddle and without the guy asking for sex, which would give me confidence that he is not my friend just for that.

It would release the pressure that I have to have sex with him so that I can sleep with him much easier.

There is a fourth block linked to the third and linked to the pressure I put on to “have sex” to the other, once I have started a movement in this direction.

If I feel that’s what the boy is waiting for, I’m afraid I’ll feel compelled to finish, or feel guilty for letting the boy hope we would sleep together …

So what about masturbation?

So I combine a wholly relative interest in one-night stands, with a lack of confidence in the male sex, difficulty in pleasing men who might please me, and a lack of confidence in myself …

And that’s how I find myself not having sex for so long.

To top it off, I’ve met very few men I like in the past couple of years.

They are often on the go, which makes it even more difficult to build trusting relationships.

And clearly, the lack of sexual relationship that I can feel is not strong enough to overcome all these obstacles.

As for masturbation, I have no problems!

For the frequency, hard to say, there are times when I can do it every day and other times when I will do it once a week.

It doesn’t really respond to lack, but since it ends up passing and it’s not even a horrible thing to live with, I face it!

I’m not closed to sex, but I’m waiting to be confident

If the opportunity arises and I feel confident enough, I won’t say no.

Lately there are some men who have caught my attention and I am testing the waters a bit (but if it became mutual I don’t even know if it would succeed, I have already escaped a couple of times)!

The fact that you barely move on some online forums also helps to not develop this fear too much.but it’s still there.

A bit like someone who reads news stories 24 hours a day, and thus retains a perhaps irrational fear.

My sex life isn’t something I scream about from the rooftops, but I don’t feel as much social pressure as waxing, for example.

If the question comes, I can talk about it, but I prefer to avoid because I know / assume that I will be judgedand I don’t necessarily want to go into the details.

Basically, to have a sexual relationship, it would take:

• That I meet someone I like
• That he likes me too, that he knows I don’t wax and that he doesn’t mind
• That I know that he doesn’t particularly expect sex from me and that he can enjoy spending the night with me without sleep

And for the moment, all these criteria have not been met!