My son’s lover is too strict, will I see her to calm things down or will I let it go?

Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice dressed in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to save a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

My son has entered first grade and I don’t like his mistress at all. I find he has methods from another era. He has set up a bulletin board with the names of the children and attaches green, yellow or red stickers depending on their attitude for the week.

Those who have been wise or have worked well receive a small reward. I’m afraid my son won’t feel good about her as we are very careful at home and disapprove of any old-fashioned educational method. What to do ?

vanessa

Daronne’s answer

My little A5 notebook,

Let me tell you a story. Yes, like Father Castore.
When my daughter entered kindergarten, my husband sent a salty email to the principal of his school complaining about the unfair class composition. You see, his precious treasure wasn’t with his friends, and it was unacceptable. The story had the following ending:

• The manager (kindly) kicked him out,
• My daughter didn’t change class at all,
• Relations with the director have never recovered from the altercation,
• I had to calm down this whole little world, when, FRANKLY, I had other things to do with my life,
• My daughter had a great year and made a lot of new friends.

No, but it happens, we are parents. We want to protect our treasures so badly that we sometimes turn into army helicopters. When my boyfriend, however placid and conciliatory on a daily basis, got mad at this poor director, I told myself that my son was lucky to have a father who cared so much about his well-being. It is a change from the 1980s. But is it still desirable that we interfere in school affairs? Personally I don’t think so (except in special cases, of course).

The house rules stay at home

If you ask your Daronne, I will tell you that school is definitely a place of academic learning, but also a place where you learn about life. JUST THAT !

And one of the most important things to learn in life as a child is that the outside world is not like home. I’m not sure that comparing your child with only methods that are suitable for us and the people who look like us really does him a favor. The little cherub will grow up, discover the world and it will be really strange for him to realize that everyday life is not an all-you-can-eat buffet and that you cannot compose your plate with only what you love inside.

This is my little side, do or die. My other argument for justifying the fact that I don’t think putting the lover in her place is a good idea is that it’s still important to expose them to some diversity.

In short, everyone in his place, parents at home, teachers and mistresses in the classroom and everyone does their own business while the kids taste a bit of everything. And let’s not forget that children are smart. Very boring, but smart. I am perfectly able to understand that each place has its own rules and to adapt a little to the precepts old school of a lover in full expansion.

How do you approach the subject with your children?

Okay, great, but concretely? Well, do you know what was missing even in the 80s when we were kids? The ability to complain to our parents about what was going on at school without taking a You had to deserve it ” and more ” okay don’t overdo it, and shut up let’s watch the news there! “Ah, that was another delusion, I swear. Fortunately, we have evolved.

To support your dear love, ask him to express what he feels and at the same time imagine solutions to help him manage this new functioning. Reassure him: you understand her problem and support it, but, in class, it is the teacher who decides and you trust her, even if you would not have done the same.

Above all, ESPECIALLY, do not denigrate the old goat in front of your son. Why do children like to repeat what they have heard and do you want the teacher to know how well you think? No I do not think so.

That’s not why you shouldn’t be careful

Please, positive parent kids, you have many good intentions, we love you. We often follow your precepts too, but don’t get confused by listing mistreatments that are not actual abuses. Vignetting systems to detect the behaviors, rewards and isolation of students in crisis are not liked by everyone and it is normal. I have my opinion on this, but it is not considered abuse. It is, at worst, embarrassing when isolated and the general behavior of the teacher is benevolent. Not enough to make an appointment with her to teach her the job.

Having said that, we are under no illusions. You must remain vigilant, in front of this mistress as in front of all the adults who will gravitate around your child. As we know, there are abusive adults. Pay attention to the signs that can warn you of a real malaise: lack of appetite, nightmares, school phobia …

If you feel that your child is in danger or that he notices something really problematic, do not hesitate to approach the representatives of the students’ parents, or to consult a professional to take stock.

Whatever happens, I would always advise you not to go there right away, as you risk disliking your family and making your brat pay.

I leave you, I have to go and pull the ears of my daughter’s best friend, I don’t like how she talks to her,

Biscuits,

Your daronne

Photo credit image of one: studioroman