My boyfriend left me to become a priest

29 October 2018

If I testify today it’s to talk about my ex.

I had the privilege of spending two years of my life in his company before he finally decided to enter the seminary. To become a priest.

So how do you end up in such a funny situation?

Did I know my ex was going to be a priest?

First, it is important to emphasize this I have not met the ex-chosen one of my heart in a religious setting. We met during our studies. I was aware of his beliefs and was surprised to meet someone who was a practitioner. Until him, I had only met agnostic believers.

Before we get together, I asked him if he had thought of becoming a priest and he replied “Yes, a long time ago”.

Since he spoke of it as a bygone era, I thought it had passed.

Sexual and carnal relations with a future priest

At the beginning of our relationship, a question arose: that of sexual relations. To me, it was obvious that once in a relationship, we would engage in sex.

Not for him: he was one of those people who were waiting for marriage. Why not … I just had never asked myself this question, which already presented me with problems for the future. Sexuality involved a strong commitment.

In the end, I gave him time and it was he who wanted to have his first time with me. He talked very quickly about marriage, which scared me at first.

Over time, I fell madly in love with him ; spending your whole life in the company of him became obvious. I remember the second time we slept together, when I woke up he said to me: “I’m lucky to have married you.” Brief revealing …

The carnal relationships we have practiced have been very fulfilling. However, his relationship with religion ended up making me feel guilty.

Seeing this act outside of marriage as a mortal sin, it put the guilt of desire on my shoulders, I was a kind of temptress. I tried to put myself in her place but I didn’t understand her position. It took me a long time after our separation rebuild myself sexually Because of this.

His relationship with religion in our couple

When I met him, mehe was agnostic. I was baptized young, but I was not educated in religion with catechism lessons etc.

Going to mass was a habit he had every Sunday. Apart from twice at the Catholic college where I was studying, I had never really attended a service. But for him the basis of a couple was around faith, and I began to accompany him to mass on Sundays. It was important to him, it was important to me, so I had to take an interest in that part of his life.

One thing led to another, the bond has become a habit. I received first communion and confirmation because I had experienced an incredible conversion.

Looking back, it’s hard for me to tell if I did it for him or my true beliefs …

I changed during this relationship, not necessarily for the worse, quite the contrary in what he wanted me to be. I changed the way I dress, I make up, I see the world. I was absorbed by a universe that was foreign to me, of which I had to learn to integrate the customs.

But it was the love of my life. Well, that’s what I thought.

Living “in the closet” of a future priest

I have never met his family.

My parents are divorced, it did not correspond to his ideal life project, to the model he aspired to. His house, don’t introduce your girlfriend, introduce your girlfriend. But you can’t get engaged if you don’t have a job, you have to wait for the end of your studies.

So I’ve been waiting … It’s been a long time.

It was hard to know that no one knew about my existence at home. That for his relatives I was not part of his life, I didn’t exist. I thought I wasn’t good enough, so I wanted to be accepted even more, to learn the codes.

I felt that something was wrong but I didn’t know what. I thought I was the problem. While the concern was that he was stuck in a life he didn’t want.

My ex had a great sense of commitment. For him we were practically married.

If I had not asked the question, perhaps he would never have told me that he was wondering if he did not rather aspire to the religious life …

I loved him so much and yet he escaped me. He was leaving.

I felt that he was suffering from our situation. When I asked him what was wrong, we agreed on a deadline for him to make his decision.

After a month of reflection, he told me that his vocation was too strong, that he had to try.

What to do ? Well help him.

I accompanied him in the choice of the seminary, of the community that would be most congenial to him, one in which it could flourish.

What this report gave me

We have been separated for two years.

I have no more news and I don’t want any. I sincerely hope he thrives on what he does. I’m pretty sure of that.

When I look back on our history today, I mainly take positive aspects of it. I am happy to have known him and to have learned to know myself. I am also proud that I was able to let him go.

I met someone today. I feel good. It took me a year before I could consider being with someone else. I believe that I’ve been waiting for it. I waited to find out if he was safe, or if he would be back.

This man helped me to love myself, to love my body which I did not respect, certainly through his religious vision, but it was a beautiful vision, from my point of view.

Maybe one day we will meet again. Maybe she will baptize my children.

Who knows ? After all, my ex is about to become a priest.