Sling, Yoyo and hat: but what are your friends who have just given birth talking about?

Article originally published on September 25, 2020

It’s not over. After the glossary of the period of the “first moments after childbirth”, I decided to get to the heart of the matter: the first months of a child’s life. Because yes, these little things that cry and poop every couple of hours have a whole vocabulary of their own that is all about them and those who raise them.

You might say to yourself “Nah but that’s okay, I don’t care if I don’t know what a sling is, I can very well live without knowing this information.” So yeah, that’s not wrong, but at the same time, if you love your friends who just became parents, you might have I want to know what they are talking about when they say they made a kitten to buy a Yoyo, right?

Once again, I’ll save you the Google searches that could take you to the depths of the parenting web, or worse: land you on an obscure forum that talks about “BB1”, “gygy” and “pee positive”. “.

Don’t thank me, it’s first of all altruism. Well, if you insist, you can send me chouquettes in the editorial officeit’s always good.

Milk crusts

expr. female : Infantile seborrheic dermatitis (or dermatitis) is a common skin disease. It is an excess of sebum that manifests itself in the form of a dry and crusty lesion, even wet. Well, that’s by the official definition, enjoy your meal.

In truth, these are fuck yellowish crusts, somewhat similar coarse dandruff, which are attached to the entire head of the newborn, at the level of the skull, eyebrows and forehead. And no, they are not crusts of powdered milk because the baby does not know how to eat well and even less clean his mouth after the bottle (although frankly with this name, one might believe it).

Besides the fact that “crust” is the worst word in the entire universe, it’s not serious. Most babies have it for a few weeks or months, and then it disappears. There are special treatments to remove them and it has no impact on health. While it is rather unpleasant, it is not dangerous.

The Yoyo

Name Fem. : Yoyo is THE stroller that all Parisians (but not only) crave. Small, light, urban, easily resealable, it passes under the subway turnstile without having to carry it at a safe distance with the child inside, travels in the cabin on an airplane, folds and opens without having to go to engineering school to understand how it works , all without getting your fingers caught.

The Yoyo is the Holy Grail of strollers, the Ferrari of children in the Ile-de-France, the terror of the asphalt in the 11th arrondissement. To a parent who has a Yoyo, we don’t tell him “move the stroller from there, you will take up all the space”, we move to let him pass, with light and lively steps, snaking between electric scooters and Velibs’.

The Yoyo is not just a stroller, it is a must have. good one must have that you must have the means to afford it, which is clearly not given to everyone. There are some used on the internet, but they go very fast as the demand is high.

Know that this stroller is so desired that there is a real gang of Yoyo thieves in the kindergartens of the city of Paris. These bastards (I didn’t say assholes, I’m polite), they manage to sneak into a nursery stroller room discreetly with some bad security, cut the locks (yes, we put the locks on Yoyos cost $ 600 brother), and go away. Great atmosphere among the thugs, tears in children and their parents.

The sling

Masculine name : bum bag with ring, without knots, which adapts naturally to the shoulder. Hmm.

If I lost you with the “carry scarf”, it must also be the case with “Sling”. How do I understand you. However, a harness is very practical (not to be confused with a thong, not quite the same. Nor to confuse with the BDSM accessory. Nothing to do).

Basically, a harness is for parents who want to take advantage of their arms as she carries their child in her arms who refuses to break away from his legal representative, like an oyster on his rock. A bit like kangaroos that have a ventral pouch, the parent 2.0 has a scarf that wraps around him like a garland on a Christmas tree (but without the flicker option, too bad), so he can go about his business, like pee or eat a piece of cheese, without having to put it on down the child who will start screaming as if his leg had been ripped off.

Children are big fans of drama, let’s not forget that. Placing it even for just a minute on a deckchair can trigger a real geopolitical conflict. To avoid being hated by all his neighbors because the decibels of the smallest are particularly high, the parent will therefore use a carrying scarfif he knows how to wrap it around the body (good luck), or a harness, which is the beginner version.

Also very practical for breastfeeding without having to expose the breasts to the eyes of the world (some are not comfortable with the idea), the sling can be used as a mini-tent that will hide the boobs discovered while allowing the divine child to fill his stomach.

A sleeping bag

Name Fem. : small sleeping bag for babies, which attaches to the shoulders with shoulder straps. Not to be confused with a jig, which in jargon means fellatio. You will agree that it is not quite the same huh.

The sleeping bag (or the sleeping bag, it is the same), is therefore a blanket for the little ones which prevents parents from waking up 76 times a night to check that the baby is not wearing a duvet on his face and that he is choking.

Yes, a child definitely has arms (not enough already), but that doesn’t mean he knows how to use them to remove the duvet covering his face. At the same time, we’ve never said kids have all the options, so don’t overdo it.

As a result, the sleeping bag is used to avoid two things: dying of suffocation and not being cold at night. Well yes, because suddenly the child cannot remove its cover, as it is attached. Not stupid, the wasp.

So even if the baby decides to roll around all night in his crib, it will not be coldso he won’t have a runny nose, so no fever, so there’s no need for his parents to get up every 76 minutes to cover him instead of pioneering like any human.

So who do we thank for saving your friendship with your parent friends by lighting your lanterns? Yes, in bibi, exactly. See you soon for the lexicon n. 3!

Photo credit image from a series: How I Met Your Mother