When our love lives can be punctuated by breakups more or less painful, our friendships seem to form a space in which to maintain comforting, peaceful and, above all, lasting relationships. It was on this observation that April and Renee, originally from Singapore and friends from the age of 12, decided to do so become life companions and settle down together. And it is much more than just a roommate:
“At the time of the lockdown, while we were experiencing a long-distance friendship between Singapore and Los Angeles, we realized we couldn’t live without each other and wanted to be more involved in our respective lives. So I proposed to Renee that she join me in Los Angeles to start a new life together. “
In this TikTok video, April Lexi Lee talks about how she works with her platonic life partner (as she calls PLP for Platonic life partner) regarding their respective romantic relationships.
“Being a couple together in a different way”
A carefully thought-out decision, preceded by long months of deconstruction and questioning about the cultural traditions and practices that mark our emotional life, but also about the expectations that society places on women regarding married and family life:
“We realized that, as bisexuals with little interest in marriage, we didn’t have to follow the classic pattern of meeting a man, getting married and having children. that we could make a couple together in a different wayand also be happy, far from the standards imposed by society.
A partnership based on strong friendship, roommates or the shared management of one’s finances, but without sex. A bit like many traditional couples after a few years together, in fact …
In this video from TikTok, April and Renee laugh at people’s reactions when they announce they are living in a platonic partnership.
More than a roommate, a relationship for life
This union, April and Renee are even about to formalize it to be recognized by the institutions as a full-fledged couple.. In addition to being domestic and financial partners for life, they wish to have children together (as they already form a family of their own) and open a joint pension fund.
In fact, in the United States, some states, such as Maine, Maryland, and Colorado, allow friends to gain legal recognition by registering as a domestic partner, as noted in this article by the media. The conversation“Friends say ‘Yes’ to each other, but they may not understand the legal risks of their platonic marriages.”
In the rest of Uncle Sam’s country – and also in much of the world, including France – it’s much more complicated. Especially because the union of two Best friends forever can legally be perceived as a marriage of convenience. We note in passing how this definition can turn out to exclude asexual people: historically, the fact of never having had sex can be used to cancel a marriage.
That’s why the friends who do it don’t shout it from the rooftops, for fear of legal repercussions and criminal penalties. This also explains the difficulty of quantifying the phenomenon. Are platonic marriages really growing and / or is TikTok giving them more exposure?
“What is the assumption that people have around you that turns out to be wrong?”
“That I am in love with my wife.” Wait, wait, we’re platonically married. She has been my best friend for years and we got married so we could raise our adopted child together. We are parents together, we share our finances, we live in the same house, we share our bed, but we are not in love with each other and we do not have sex together. “
Returning to the case of April and Renee, neither of them wants to give up their romantic and sexual life. If they intend to continue living their love life fully outside of their relationship, it’s not about ending it:
“Our partnership represents a space of freedom for us. We chose it because it does not generate social expectations, it does not assign us any gender role and it does not give weight to the measurement of our respective commitment. “
A report whose terms they discuss on a dedicated Tiktok account (@psychottie). According to the growing success of the hashtag #platoniclifepartnership on the Chinese social network, this is finding more and more echo, especially among women and the LGBTI + community. A popularity that April explains in particular with the fact that these minorities are more likely to deconstruct certain rules.
On Instagram, French queer journalist Stéphane Durand documents his daily life shared with his best friend, ever since they decided to have a child together as part of their platonic relationship.
Desecrating sex within the couple
While it may seem revolutionary to some people, this distancing of sexual life within the couple it does not date back to today. According to sexologist and feminist activist Lucie Groussin, she is an integral part of the feminist struggle:
“There is a strong current of thought in feminism that seems very interesting to me about living without a sexual relationship, and that goes hand in hand with a greater evaluation of emotional relationships as a whole. “
A topic already addressed publicly by some women, in particular in 2011 by the writer and journalist Sophie Fontanel, in her book Wishwhich deals with the insubordination of the obligation to sexuality and the liberation it can provide from an emotional point of view.
“I’m in a platonic marriage and I’m confused. When, why and how was it decided that romantic love was the most important form of love? […] Why should it be the only chance to make a family, and the only pure enough connection between two people?
I found my soul mate through my best friend. She and I work so well together that I don’t think she can do it with anyone else. But I don’t want a physical relationship with her, I don’t want to kiss her, I’m not in love with her. Along with my relationship with our daughter, the connection I have with her is the most important thing to me.
It frustrates me that people have such a hard time understanding that I can prioritize a platonic relationship over a romantic relationship. Especially since the latter is partly based on chemical processes that become opaque over time. “
Compulsory sexuality, the absolute weapon of capitalism and heteropatriarchy?
This discourse, in dissonance with our hypersexualized society, can also be perceived by people who are victims of sexism as a means of escaping sexist and sexual violence, even LGBTI phobia. A vision shared by the author, trans feminist activist and journalist Tal Madesta in her book Desire at all costs. It explores and questions desire in all its forms, including friendly, social, and even professional:
“Creating intimacy in multiple ways and beyond sex is a prerequisite for the order of survival for women, but especially for queer people. In particular in the relationship with the family, a place of normalization of LGBTQ phobic violence and a vector of imprisonment and submission of women. “
In his book Tal Madesta also evokes the injunction to sexuality as one of the weapons of the sexist and economic exploitation of women by men. However, for the author, the exit from sexuality is not an instrument of collective struggle, but rather an individual solution :
” The sexual revolution will really take place when we have resolved the economic question and the question of the distribution of the mental load, or even of the family.. The deconstruction of the couple, which is the heterosexual couple, is therefore not very useful in my opinion. Rather, it is a question of reconsidering the existence of these social cells which have key functions under the capitalist regime. “
In other words, we may marry our best friend, but the patriarchy will not fall. Unless we all take care of it?
Front page photo credit: pexels-jessika-arraes-12126197
Source: Madmoizelle
Lloyd Grunewald is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. He is a talented writer who focuses on bringing the latest entertainment-related news to his readers. With a deep understanding of the entertainment industry and a passion for writing, Lloyd delivers engaging articles that keep his readers informed and entertained.
