What if we stop judging mothers for their choices?

Published June 2022

That we breastfeed, that we don’t breastfeed, that we buy second hand, that we don’t, that we use this or that item to take care of our baby, that we are washable diapers or that we don’t have the energy to start, that we give small homemade pots or that we buy ready-made things, it doesn’t matter, we always take a full face.

Maternity injunctions, this wound

When you are a parent, and especially when you are a mother, you are in it permanently judged. Judged on our choices, judged on our principles, judged on our ability or inability to be on all fronts, and it’s a whirlwind, even a permanent hurricane.

Sometimes we don’t care. Sometimes the thoughts of others flow over us like oil on a bodybuilder’s body, and we continue to live our lives as if the fact that we have been treated, by random choice of example, like a bad mother because we have decided to return. working after a late leave rather than staying at home to take care of her baby had no impact on our day.

And then sometimes it is think too muchthe word that stains, the injunction that weighs down and makes everything explode.

Maternal fed upthis exhaustion in the face of the reflections of those around us or strangers can weigh so much that it affects and tarnishes our mental health and the perception we have of ourselves.

Maternal injunctions: different ways to react

So what’s the solution? Some denounce and militate like, for example, the @gardetesconseils account on Instagram, which is a showcase full of silly, obviously unsolicited advice that moms can take at the birth of their baby, and throughout their upbringing.

Some do the deaf ear, it does not matter, and they manage to continue on their way without paying attention to offensive words and the sense of guilt that comes with it, detaching and mulling over in their corner.

Others blame and continually questioning themselves, even if the choice they had initially made, the decision they had made, was theirs and it suited them.

Others explode (this is my case) and it sends so hard those who allow themselves to be judged by their life choices, who only look at them, I remind you, and almost anyone who has dared to think about it can alienate themselves.

Because it is always too much reflection. It is always too much judgment.

Some kind of street harassment, you know? When you’re walking down the street and a big sucker makes a comment about your outfit, it’s “tolerable” (even if he’s drunk and already “too much”), you are the one not feeling. When a second does the same or whistles at you, you start to have clenched fists and clenched teeth. When it’s the third or tenth, you end up exploding, unfortunately at your own peril.

I don’t think we really realize, when we are on the side of the judge, of burden of guilt of those who face the injunctions of others.

One might think that these reflections come only from those who have no children, who know nothing about them, but who still want to have an opinion. There are also many of these, let’s not forget them, but they are not the worst.

The worst are the reflections of those who are already mothersand who know the weight of maternal guilt because they too suffer from it, but who still allow themselves to add a piece to the machine by participating in it.

The fed up maternal has certainly hit them already, but they still add a layer of it. How come ? To convince themselves that what they are doing is better? To make believe that they succeed? Who are superior? Which contain an absolute truth?

Maternal fed up: let’s stop the judgments

Giving solicited advice: yes. Injunctions and judgments fluctuate to those who have not asked for anything: no.

Let us stop, among mothers, even among women, shoot us in the leg. There is no interest in anyone. When we see the sometimes terrible difficulties that motherhood can cause, when we know the weight of the mental, emotional and ecological burdens that women and mothers endure, why add them by hitting where it hurts?

Yes, we can make different choices, we can be less green at times and not buy a second-hand cot. Yes, you can be tired, often, and go to the local crossroads to buy a potty for your baby because you don’t have the energy to make him a homemade dish of organic-shorted-and-in-season vegetables please. .

Yes, you can be lazy to embark on the great glittery nappy adventure and subscribe to a disposable nappy brand to get your package every month on the same date. Yes, you can have milk in your breasts without wanting to breastfeed.

Yes we can, because you know what? We do what we can and no one has the right to judge us for it.

If you feel like judging and crushing people, beat the various world leaders who are destroying the planet with care, beat the French government that does not want to extend maternity leave and that sends mothers back to work too soon after giving birth in the in the midst of postpartum, it hit the food industry that poisons the population with poor quality products, hit the big producers who decide to do everything in China for a cheaper hand. Go and hit the Chinese government that exploits and mistreats its workers as much as you can.

Don’t touch mothers who already have enough to handle and who constantly fight against injunctions that are issued to them, under the simple pretext that they could do things differently and as you see fit.

We do what we can, but we can’t be in all fights, let’s stop for two minutes with this stupid myth of the superhero mother. Superheroes don’t exist. Cons, on the other hand, there are many.

Picture credit of one: bobbieo