Stop having another child, whether it is the second or fourth, can be an enlightened or suffered choice. It is a decision that is not always easy to make, and when the mind is sure to make the right choice, the heart sometimes continues to suffer. How to cry the child more?
A decision sometimes difficult to make
Having the choice of the number of your children is ultimately a fairly recent possibility, which has arrived with the democratization of contraception and access to legal abortions. But this does not mean that it is an easy choice to make. No child, a unique child, two or more children, is an increasingly thoughtful choice of life.
Clémence decided to have only one son. “” I am convinced that with another son, I could not be the mother I wish to be. I know that I would like a second child with all my heart, which I would like to see the brothers develop – with all the risks he also has – but with all the energy he requires, I should make sacrifices that I don’t like.
I should deprive myself of what I need to feel balanced, or I would take this time for myself, regretting that I am not able to develop my relationship with my children as I would like, with a privileged time for everyone. I feel complete like this, even if I know that a child would find his place: he will always miss him a little in my heart, but not in my life. »» »
Sarah’s experience also led her not to have a second child. “” My first was very complicated, especially in terms of sleep, I made a great depression of the postpartum and my pregnancy worsened my cyclothymia. Today I found more peaceful nights, my psychiatric concerns are under control, I don’t want to take the risk of immersing yourself.
There is also the fact that I do not find the children very interesting before 3 or 4 years, I start having fun spending time with my son, we can do many things together, go to the weekends with only a backpack, I want to continue enjoying it! And the last point, and not least, the birth of my son also signed the end of my couple, but in the end it is a good thing. »» »
Élise has two children. If, with her husband, they don’t really consider a third child, she has problems with the idea of never having a daughter. “” For a third, we should change the house, cars, but above all we are exhausted and we must preserve our mental health. Anyway, you can’t try to have children until you have a girl, at risk of ending up with 10 boys! I find it difficult to accept that I never have a girlI hope it softens over time, but I still don’t see myself reliving a pregnancy, childbirth and a postpartum. »» »
How to accept this renunciation?
For Aline Nativel ID HammouClinical psychologist specialized in the field of childhood, adolescence and family, the renunciation of another child is in mourning to do.
“” You have to live the phases of mourning, consciously or not, to accept it. It is very difficult, often, we prefer to try to resign ourselves not to be able to have another child. But this generates a lot of frustration, even a depressive disorder.
A child’s desire begins, most of the time, of the projections we have. There is a form ofirrational in desire. When you decide not to have a child anymore and the desire remains there, you need a step back that can be more or less long. Can we make an introspection, question this desire, what to feed it, despite the different parameters? We can make a list in favor and against, and understand why it leads it to an answer. This process generally requires the help of a mental health professional. »» »
And when this renunciation is not a choice, but it is suffocated, for example in case of infertility, mourning is even more difficult to do. “” When the body prevents a parent, it is not the same as the material or financial reasons that can be resolved in the future. In the PMA approach, you can already be in contact with a psychologist, otherwise you have to see a mental health professional. We must ask ourselves what the parenting for us representsAnd how to find development in other aspects of life, if you have to give up again to become a parent. »» »
To accept this decision to give up another son, Clémence refocalized on his family. “” I chose to consider it not only I prefer our family of three children who are happy as it isBut also that I “protect” this child who does not exist, not imposing him to come into the world in circumstances in which I could not be the mother who deserves. »» »
It is also the advice that gives parents in the same situation: ” Concentrate on all the beauty of the family that we already have, the one that already makes sense and nourishes us daily. We cannot know what another child would have given, positive as in negative, but We know what love has us in the family that already existsAnd we can make it grow and thrive with all the strength that we would have put on the arrival of an extra child. »» »
Sarah resisted the logical reasons for this choice. “” I was trying to convince myself, I knew it was a good thing, for me, to give up a second child, but I had to accept it. Then One day I realized I cried the image of the perfect family : two parents, two children, the house and the dog. Instead, I built my family for me: me and my part-time son. And it’s okay, I don’t want to disturb it everything, he doesn’t even want. »» »
His advice: ” From time to time. At the beginning, we always question his decision. “What if …?” And one day it becomes the test. Although I have to admit that when the friends who have the elderly I am pregnant, 10 seconds ago where it stings a little more … »» »
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
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