Help, how can I tell my loved ones to stop kissing my baby?

Have 1000 questions about parenting? About the couple? On your relationship with your in-laws? Are you wondering how to overcome the injunctions that society imposes on you? La Daronne is listening to you, and I promise, her answers aren’t too off the mark.

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

At the beginning of October I gave birth to a beautiful boy named Silvio. I am French-Brazilian and since his birth we have received many visits from my in-laws and my family, who came from Brazil for the occasion, but also from friends. Since his birth, Silvio has passed from hand to hand without me really being able to say enough, even though I feel, deep in my heart as a young mother, that this is a problem. In fact, guests don’t pay attention, they don’t wear masks, they cough (certainly putting their hand over their mouth, but they don’t wash their hands afterwards).

Luckily Silvio didn’t get sick, but I wonder how, given the amount of people he saw…

I feel helpless, because I’m afraid of looking like a crazy person by not allowing guests to come or hold him, yet I know and feel that it is the best thing for my baby to protect him, for his health. .. And actually for me too, because I’m exhausted!

Tell me, can you help me with advice?

Thank you a thousand times

Adriana

Daronne’s response

My dear Adriana,

First of all, how are you? Surely you must be exhausted by these visits that don’t stop, while, if I understand correctly, you gave birth a few weeks ago… I wanted to tell you first of all that I am with you with all my heart, because I feel that if you accept this situation, it is clearly not for you, but for those around you. And I’ll tell you what: it’s not normal. You need to rest, you are your priority, with your baby. And this goes a little hand in hand with the answer I’m about to give you: you have to prioritize yourself and your baby and your guests have to understand this.

Talk about it with your partner

First things first: Where is your spouse in all of this? How does he react? I understand that his in-laws are as present as yours, but how do you stand on this situation? Have you told him about your fears? Do you share them? How do you see the situation? It seems essential to me to take stock of this with him.

Simply because he must listen, and be a great ally, placing limits and rules on these visits, or even refusing them if they are too much for you and the baby. But the starting point of the decision must always start with you. If you don’t dare or don’t know how to express things to those around you, he could become your spokesperson. Perhaps in this period we don’t have completely clear ideas, given the upheavals that postpartum can produce (and this is too light a word to describe reality).

Put some rules in place during these visits

Don’t forget that it is you, and only you, who decides whether or not you want to receive guests in your home. Normally it would seem absolutely crazy for your friends or family to invite each other over for dinner, without asking you if you are available and if you want to do it? The arrival of a baby often causes a kind of euphoria that gives loved ones the impression that they have the right to decide everything: when they can come to visit you, whether they can hold the baby, etc. Don’t forget that they are not the ones who decide, and even less so in this very important moment for you.

So if they want to come visit you, let them know: there are rules here. Silvio is a newborn, and everyone knows it, it is strongly discouraged to kiss a newborn who does not yet have immune defenses and is therefore very weak. If they want to see you, that’s fine, as long as: they aren’t sick, they wear a mask when in doubt, they wash their hands and don’t kiss your kitten, and finally, they ask you in advance if they can hold it.

Refuse visits

Postpartum is a long journey, which has just begun with the arrival of the baby, and the first few weeks are very important for recovery and adaptation to this new life as a threesome. In my humble opinion, this is therefore not the place nor the time to receive visitors at all. There is still time to say it clearly to those around you. Especially because in the last few weeks they have asked you a lot, so feel free to tell them that you have realized that there are a lot of them and that you prefer to postpone the meeting to another time, when you will be fitter and during which your baby will be more bigger, stronger and, above all, vaccinated against the first big germs he might contract. We are entering winter and we know that this season is the worst for children.

Of course I also understood that your family comes from far away, it will definitely be more difficult to reschedule the tickets. If that’s not possible, take my second tip: Put some rules in place. And if you don’t have the strength, ask your partner for help to enforce them.

If someone complains, and this exasperates you, direct them to the Ministry of Health page dedicated to bronchiolitis (which is not the only risk) and maybe they will understand why kissing someone new – nor is it simply bullshit that may be expensive but they won’t I have to pay for it.

In this regard, I wish you good luck and do not forget: you are your priority, with your baby. So don’t hesitate to send the whole world into chaos if you feel better that way, you have every right to do so and those around you must understand it. Otherwise it’s not you, it’s them.

Come on for you, ask me mom,

The kiss,

Your Daronne