Help, a parent is getting on my nerves

Daronne is the queen of not-so-silly advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is again to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

My daughter started first grade this year and everything is going great for her. She has already made friends, she doesn’t worry about learning and she learns at her own pace. It all seems rosy but… every time I drop her off, or when I come to pick her up, the mother of one of her friends holds my leg for twenty minutes and bombards me with “my daughter can already read and write”, “she could count to 100 at 2 years old”, “she speaks Chinese”… And I can’t take it anymore!

That she can be proud of her daughter, I heard. Only after every sentence comes a “and yours, does she speak another language or just French?”, forcing me to answer that “no, my daughter is not gifted, sorry”.

I hate competition, it brings back bad childhood memories… I would like to send him home, but I don’t want to seem rude and above all our daughters are good friends, I would regret having made a big mistake.. Anyway, I’m two fingers away, so please, dear Daronne, help me!

Anne-Lise

Daronne’s response

My little disgusting one (and yes, let’s be contextual and realistic, it’s back to school!),

I feel very nervous, and you know what: I understand you! I feel you, as the English say. I am like you: I already have difficulty establishing relationships with other parents, but if they are unbearable “my child is better than yours” it is even worse.

Option #1: Secure the hatches

So I would advise you to tell him his four truths, face to face, between the jar of colored pencils and the salt dough. Only here you have a problem: you don’t have much leeway since your daughters are good friends. Let’s face it, pissing off your best friend’s mother could make your kitty very unhappy. So that’s not an option, we agree.

So here’s what you can do: batten down the hatches and accept. A simple stiff smile and a firm nod will be more than enough to make him think you’re listening to him religiously, when in reality you’re preparing the grocery list for dinner. This is, in my opinion, the best option, in case your interlocutor doesn’t ask you about your daughter’s abilities…

Option #2: Be honest but… politely!

But it doesn’t seem like that! If, despite your nods, she says “and you, your daughter?” you can also tell her very discreetly and politely, and especially without your children present, that you think it’s wonderful that her daughter is early, but that you won’t stoop to playing who is better because each child will do it at their own pace. But, even if you obviously don’t intend to make her a friend, being too honest risks offending her.

Option #3: Breathe deeply through your stomach and follow it.

So you seem a little attached, my dear Anne-Lise. It’s up to you to decide what is better and more of a priority: your mental health or your daughter’s well-being? You will have your answer between removing the first mothers from the classroom or making this little effort 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes in the evening to preserve your daughter’s friendship. In your place, I would make the effort, breathing hard and with my stomach, making sure to refuse any invitation to dinner or meeting outside of school life that is not a child’s birthday…

So I wish you good luck, because parents like this populate our little ones’ schools more densely than we think…

The kiss,

Your daughter.