Help, my mother in law wants to give my children a dog and I hate it

Daronne is the queen of not-so-silly advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is again to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

You have to help me, otherwise I risk getting burned by my in-laws: I’m about to ruin my mother-in-law!

This summer, my two children, aged 5 and 8, spent a week with my in-laws. Great, you tell me, not everyone is so lucky. Except that, after two days, my mother-in-law had already exhausted all the surrounding activities and had the good idea of ​​taking the children… to the spa, I quote, “so they could discover animals, these poor little ones who live in the city” (we live in Nantes). Except that my daughter Adèle, aged 5, fell in love with a little English cocker spaniel that had been abandoned a few weeks earlier. Moved by its story, she even cried all day. My mother-in-law could think of nothing better than to promise her that she would give her and her brother the same little English cocker spaniel for Christmas. Of course, my daughter clung to this idea that she has not let go since she came home. And I have the good feeling that when I try to tell him that his grandmother was a little delirious, a nervous breakdown is not far off…

My husband doesn’t see any problem (obviously). He even thinks it would be a good idea for the kids to have a pet. However, there is one or more problems:

-We live in an apartment, this is 67 m2, it is not enough for 4 people, so with an extra animal, I can’t imagine…

-It’s a third child! Who gets up before the other two. My children are UFOs, capable of sleeping until 10 in the morning on weekends. So I don’t want to sacrifice these few extra hours of sleep to walk a dog. Ultimately, if the weather is nice, ok, but in the winter, and when it rains…!

-A dog is expensive. And today, with our two meager salaries, we already have some difficulty going on vacation. So, if we have to add food and a vet to the monthly budget, now we can forget about the warm sandy beaches in the summer.

-Finally I forgot, as a mother always puts herself last… I DON’T LIKE DOGS. I find that they drool, they are clingy and even the smallest ones scare me. I much prefer cats, independent and very docile.

But of course my mother-in-law doesn’t care about any of this. I’ve always had a good relationship with her, but it seems like she’s decided to do everything she can to make me hate her.

Ultimately, I feel once again that I will be the bad guy here and I am afraid of losing the trust of my daughter to whom a promise was made.

What can I do to solve this problem??

Anna

Daronne’s response

My little lily of the valley,

But what is she getting into, mother-in-law? I mean, it’s not the kind of light decision you can make for others, adopting a small living being. So if I can reassure you already: that you already feel bitter towards your mother-in-law is perfectly NORMAL.

But since it is not a question of throwing gasoline on the fire, but on the contrary of putting out the fire that is breaking out, here is my advice.

Communication above all!

You are not responsible for this promise, and therefore you are not responsible if it is not kept. And since you do not want to argue with your mother-in-law, I suggest you talk to her about it first if you have not already. Communication is the key word, for God’s sake! Sit down with a cup of tea (or something like that, a glass of whiskey if you are feeling really bad?) and tell her that getting a dog is not part of your plans, and that you would therefore like her to be the one to tell the little being that you separated from the womb five years ago.

This goes for your husband too, talk, talk, talk! You write me that you are afraid of dogs, does he know that? If he knows and still thinks it is a good idea to adopt an animal that scares you… Leave him! (Of course I am not serious when I say this). Another option, if he really wants to adopt a dog, is to offer to take ALL the responsibility.

Find a compromise with your children

Of course, if your daughter and husband don’t give in, you may have to make an effort. In that case, offer them a compromise: everyone wants a pet? Fine! But not a dog, if you don’t like it, and especially if you’re afraid of it. I have the impression that you might have fewer problems with a cat? A kitten is a good option. It’s discreet, life-saving, and doesn’t require taking it out X times a day.

In any case, I wish you a lot of courage, because it cannot be said that your mother-in-law has decided to help you in your role as a parent!

The kiss.

Your Daronne.