“Single mom, I’m bearing the brunt of inflation and the daily grind of managing”: into the life of Marine, single mother of a child

I am a single mother of a three and a half year old boy who raises him alone. I separated from his father when my son was three months old for several reasons: I understood, during the pregnancy, that he had a double life. At the same time he was seeing another woman and continued to write to her even after the birth of the child. We also had disagreements about education, there was a lack of involvement from him at home. Plus he didn’t help me with Isaac.

Being a single mother and having to manage everything

Today I raise my son alone. He only goes to his father’s house for a few days from time to time and is not paid child support. And I’m bearing the brunt of inflation and daily life to manage!

When we separated, I moved back in with my parents for a few months to recover. Then it was daily life between work, managing Isaac every day, all without a nanny. The father, in that period, saw him a few hours a week or every two weeks without wanting shared custody. I later moved to the province so now he only sees him a few days here and there.

I am responsible for tenders for an HLM office in Corrèze. To be able to work and take care of my son, I was lucky enough to find myself in a very attentive company, especially in the post-covid period. Isaac was born in August 2020 and I returned to work in December 2020 with a still very strong teleworking policy, so I only came to work for one day.

When in February I found myself without a nanny, because I was ill, I remained 100% teleworking, adopting a schedule that could accommodate it. Concretely, I sometimes worked very early in the morning (6 am) or in the evening when Isaac was in bed, as well as on weekends to compensate for certain moments of the day when I didn’t work. Then, since July I had a nanny, so I was able to return to the place two days a week.

I work full time because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to make it financially. I work 39 hours a week and am fortunate to have a lot of free time and fairly reasonable hours. Plus a lovely chef (which wasn’t always the case!)

On the other hand, I write novels in my spare time, but it’s difficult to continue to find time between my life as a single mother and work.

The lack of relay

When I heard that the government was considering the possibility of creating a “single parents” card, I said to myself that we would have to see what it would be like in practice, but that it would be interesting. In fact, as a single mother, you don’t necessarily have a lot of support or help, so the fact that the government is interested in this is important.

I would like more help, both financial, but also and above all in terms of relay. Sports halls with nurseries, restaurants and bars that are much more child-friendly. Because being a single mother I no longer do any activities and my social life is limited to a few lunch breaks with friends, which is already a lot and not everyone is so lucky!

I miss this famous “village”, this is the hardest thing for me. I have my mother nearby who sometimes helps me: from time to time she picks him up from school, sometimes she offers to look after him for a day or two during holidays or when he is sick. But clearly, when raising a child, alone or as a couple (but especially alone), there is a need for this village. I’m an only child, so there are no aunts or uncles. Isaac’s father’s uncles and aunts are in Paris and we rarely see each other. This is what I miss most: a relay to allow me to go out, do a sporting activity, etc. Just, every now and then, a break from this hectic daily life!

You want a break from your daily life

Sometimes my life as a single mother weighs on me, because everything rests on my shoulders. There is no interruption in the life of a single parent, we are always on the move, we are always in a rush. I have the impression of having a military life rhythm with schedules to respect and a fairly rigid rhythm for Isaac, but it is necessary to learn to manage yourself.

For example, I am lucky enough to have a son who goes to bed early, which allows me to have a bit of an evening to myself, to relax in front of a series or write a bit. Now that he’s growing up, I find things are easier, or maybe we’ve just found our balance.

Sometimes I feel like I’m being judged for raising my son alone. Just a few weeks ago, Isaac’s lover let slip a remark along those lines, about the makeup of my family. Isaac is developing a little slower with his language, and she told me that given the makeup of our family unit, being alone with him, maybe it was a little more difficult to stimulate him.

As for Isaac and his father’s current relationship, they see each other every now and then, a few days here and there. My son doesn’t ask for anything else. Sometimes when I ask him if he wants to go, he says no. We are very close. But when I see him with men around I tell myself that a male presence would be good for him. The gaming side, the doing man things side, etc. But he makes it up to my dad and his uncles who he sees from time to time. Then, maybe one day I will meet someone and he will have a stepfather in his life!

From society at large, I would like a little more recognition for single mothers. We don’t realize the pressure on our shoulders. The entire burden falls on us and it’s hard. We could use more support.

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