I’m pregnant and I smoke, help!

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Hi Daronne,

I talk to you, because I know you won’t judge me too much. I’ve been smoking since I was a teenager (I know, it’s bad). My boyfriend and I decided to have a child, no, it has nothing to do with smoking. The fact is that I “accumulate”. I’m 38, my boyfriend is 10 years older, I’m overweight and suffer from PCOS. The gynecologist I visited for IUD removal told me it would be impossible to get pregnant without help.

I told myself this would give me time to quit smoking. You speak. Three weeks later, I’ll give you one out of a thousand: positive test. I had made an appointment with a drug addict, but with the waiting times the baby will have already been born (or almost, I like to exaggerate) by the time of the appointment.

This pregnancy has already taken me by surprise, so you can imagine the stress. Secondly, with “my age” and my “history” they scare me with the risks of heart disease, diabetes, hypertension… I’m not looking for excuses Daronne, but I can’t stop smoking in these conditions.

I am now 17 weeks pregnant and have lost a lot of weight. I do 2 or 3 a day, but since I want to be a good student, I say it at every meeting and people make me feel guilty. I know it’s okay to be told this, but I feel like shit. Frankly.

Do you have some advice?

Unworthy future mother

Daronne’s response

My little toasted almond,

I call you Toasted Almond, because that’s exactly what I did after discovering the two bars on the stick: the toasted one. I could digress and tell you that at the time I wasn’t sure if I would carry the pregnancy to term. However, even though this positive test was as unexpected as it was terrifying, I already knew that in my case it meant that I would become a Daronne. Nature had preceded me by only a few months, like you, this baby was expected, but not this second.

What followed were months of guilt, because YES, knowing you’re going to be a mother is super stressful. And when we are stressed, we smokers want to smoke. ALL TIME. It is a quite annoying mechanism, even more so in this specific case.

Thank you anxiety, the outside world!

In 2024, it sometimes seems impossible to conceive a child without medical help. Or only if you meet certain criteria: Be 20 years old, follow a healthy but not restrictive diet, play sports, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t have any pathology.

Some representatives of the medical profession seem to have overlooked a biological fact that has occurred generation after generation since the dawn of time. When you have heterosexual intercourse with penetration and without contraception, you get pregnant. The rule is the same for all supposedly fertile women, until proven otherwise. And the gynecologist’s predictions are not proof (unless in-depth analysis).

Such alarmist comments contribute to women feeling lost the day the “+” appears. So they go into pregnancy in a state of stress and panic. In my opinion, this is not a favorable state of mind to quit an addictive substance. Furthermore, declaring that a woman will have all the trouble in the world to conceive is depriving her of the ability to plan on her own. Does knowing before you even try that it will take years to conceive motivate you to quit smoking immediately? NO. On the contrary.

Is it bad to smoke during pregnancy?

I remember the first cigarette I smoked. Sure, it was disgusting, but that cigarette was a prerequisite for my social inclusion. The following years were also wonderfully festive. Unfortunately, I didn’t have 16 and 17 for a long time. One morning, I woke up, I had 30 banks and friends who refused to let us smoke inside, because of the newborn. In any case, since I also had a cigarette in the drawer, I shamefully secretly smoked my two or three cigarettes a day.

I would like to tell you that all this circus has had no impact on my son, but I don’t know. His early years were punctuated by chronic ear, nose and throat problems. The carers invoke the hereditary track, despite knowing my situation (I will return to this).

Now the child is in full force. That said, I’ll never be sure I didn’t contribute to him stranding us at home multiple times.

I recently read the fantasy Pregnant, anything is possible. In this work that decodes the myths and legends of pregnancy, the journalist and author Renée Greusard addresses the topic of cigarettes in particular:

In France, around 17% of women still smoke in the third trimester of pregnancy. (…) Does it really suck? I would have liked to cheer up the smokers and say “not at all”, but that would be lying. (Editor’s note, on the program: reduced oxygen content in the blood and lower birth weight.)

Pregnant, anything is possible, Marabout, 2018

On the other hand, moderation can be a solution. Interviewed in Allodocteurs in 2012, Professor Yannick Aujard, pediatric neonatologist at the Robert-Devré hospital, explained: If it is really three cigarettes a day, they have no impact on the child’s weight. Statistics say that a pack of cigarettes a day causes a child to lose 100 g.

Pregnant, anything is possible, Marabout, 2018

The first thing to do, in my opinion, is to find a caregiver Safe to support your pregnancy and establish a “realistic” plan with you that will be based on an objective risk/benefit ratio.

Transparency towards the medical profession

When I got pregnant, I imagined I was the only future mother in the world addicted to tobacco. I was also probably the only woman who had partied (heavily drunk) shortly before I got pregnant and maybe even shortly after. I could also tell you that I already imagined that Daron and I were stripped of our parental rights.

Over time I realized that we were legion. Many pregnant women have addictions. Cigarettes obviously, but also alcohol, cannabis, some medications and even hard drugs. It’s a reality.

Depending on the degree of addiction, complete abstinence during pregnancy will be unpleasant, but possible or impossible. This too is a reality. This is why it is imperative to find caregivers Safe and aware of these realities. They will know how to support the pregnancy and regulate addictive behaviors so that they have as little impact as possible on the health of the mother and baby.

I’ve heard that there are many doctors who brag, “It’s very bad, you’re shit” (or similar) when a birthing mother admits her addiction. As time passes, we are tempted to say nothing and continue consuming in our corner in total guilt. However, transparency is fundamental because it also allows the child to be treated correctly in case of similar disorders.

So, I invite you to seek out these caregivers Safe which can help you find the best solution for you. They exist, believe me.

I’ll leave it to you, come on, you’ll get there!

The kiss

Your Daronne