Help! I want to send my son to a private school, but my boyfriend doesn’t want to!

La Daronne answers your questions trying not to be too off track.

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice, covered with a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to help a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I am the mother of an almost six year old boy. Next year he will have to go back to first grade and we disagree with his father about which school to enroll him in. He currently attends the local public school. My son is shy and very sensitive, and has already been molested by the children in his class who will follow him in first grade.

Furthermore, the classes are loaded to the max, i.e. 24 kids per class, which is too much for my son and I know he would benefit from being in a smaller structure. Although his teachers have always told me that in class he was reserved and very discreet, he is enrolled in extracurricular activities in smaller groups and participates spontaneously and willingly!

Next to us there is also a private school whose educational project aims to respect the rhythms of the children: the classes are smaller, the approach is gentler, the teachers seem smart, we have the means to pay for the enrolment, in short everything would work… But after thinking about it, my boyfriend finally decided that he wanted our baby to remain in the audience.

According to him, the concept of private school is profoundly unfair. Furthermore, he tells me that our child needs to toughen up and get used to the fact that not everything always goes his way.

Am I too protective? I’m right ?


Daronne’s response

My scoubidou,

It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick“, this reflection, at first sight simplistic, comes to me from La Grande Daronne. However, I find that she holds all the wisdom in the world. I won’t share the few interpretations I have. I want to give you the gift of discovering for yourself the original wisdom of this saying.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s done, I’ll take advantage of your reflection to begin my answer:

Is the concept of private school unfair?

Of course this means that some children will benefit in principle from a premium education whilst others will be content with the core provision. Some private schools are actually quite shaky. We must also be able to distinguish between and outside of contracts, this system hinders the principle of inalienable equality between all children and, in the case of some very selected institutions, maintains class domination.

It’s a fact.

Here’s another proven fact: If you don’t enroll this child in this school, a less privileged child won’t take his place. This great social initiative is not very useful. Ultimately, your child will not be educated in a school that might have been a good fit for him, but not even the ones your teen advocates for.

Attention! I encourage all my readers to get involved in causes that are important to them and to show solidarity when the opportunity presents itself. Volunteering, financial donations, political involvement, there are many other ways to help others besides carrying out actions that serve no one.

Unless you plan to reconvert the funds initially foreseen for this registration, to donate them to an association that offers academic support. There, of course, I say to myself: Ok, class.

But that wouldn’t solve your son’s situation.

It needs to get stronger. But damn, WHY?

I want to borrow Doc’s DeLorean, go back in time and give your boyfriend a big hug. This internalized speech probably tarnished his childhood a bit and no one deserves to have their childhood tarnished.

Per se, I’m not against the idea of ​​learning to manage conflict and neutralize harmful people, without becoming harmful ourselves. But that’s not what sensitive kids of old meant when they talked about hardening. With them it’s about learning to shit, without snorting.

No suffering erases the previous one. She just builds up. Once you grow up, you will still have many problems. So I say: no. No one needs to harden children. Existence will take care of it for them, and the less it takes care of it the better. This training will not prevent them from collapsing in the event of a real major life crisis, like everyone else. And they will often get back up, like the others.

We also note that children who are raised “not harshly” often show excellent resilience skills. It seems that having confidence in yourself and your environment from the beginning of your life gives you confidence later on. I say it, I don’t say anything.

Private school does not prevent harassment

We’re getting to the end of this answer and I haven’t really answered your question. I invite you to present my arguments to your partner and see what he thinks. “ He talks nonsense! » « The fact that you take it so badly means that he must have achieved his goal! » , »No, but anything. No, but you know what, we record it. You see, I’m not a hurt kid.

And jump.

Having said this, I also invite you not to idealize any school. Whether Republican or color blind. Harassment exists everywhere. With students and parents. These select schools may also suggest a perhaps more… liberal audience. Behind benevolent and unifying principles, these institutions do not escape the pitfalls, especially because helicopter parenting is highly valued there. Before you sign, do your research.

And if he must remain in public school, encourage these extracurricular practices where he seems to thrive. Communicate with him and stay alert. I hope that the harassment you mention in your letter was taken seriously and is now a bad memory. If this is not the case, do not hesitate to notify us. In this case, a change of school (up to the three of you) can also prove advantageous, but this decision, whether public or private, must also be up to your family.

I’ll leave you, it’s time for the school moms book club.

The kiss,

Your Daronne

Listen to Apéro des Daronnes, Madmoizelle’s show that aims to break down taboos on parenting.

Source: Madmoizelle

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