Should she: Why is the second shift at home still the woman’s responsibility?

Today we will talk about another “obligation” in the almost endless list of debts we cannot undertake: “women should keep the stove.” It would seem, what could be more ridiculous in 2023? But for some reason, most men still believe that women are also service personnel who do not need to be paid.

How long do simple things take?

Russia has one of the highest female employment rates in the world, so we work our first shift for money, just like men. And then, on average, we devote two hours to what is called “maintaining comfort”, although usually we are not talking about any special comfort – rather, we are talking about trivial everyday life. Cooking dinner, putting the laundry in the laundry, vacuuming; These are all tasks that, at first glance, should not take much time. And here is the standard argument of those who do not see any problems in the unequal distribution of household responsibilities: dinner is prepared in the slow cooker, the washing machine does it, the robot vacuums, and the woman herself complicates her life. Complaining that he had no strength “after changing paperwork in the office.” (Although, as HeadHunter statistics show, specialist positions in businesses are almost evenly split between men and women: 46 percent and 54 percent, respectively). Naturally, the answer to such questions as how exactly the food comes to the multicooker is traditional: why make a list, order delivery, wash the dishes, cut, serve, rinse, put in the dishwasher, put back. in the closet … It’s strange that even with all the tools two hours are enough.

Why do we keep taking this upon ourselves?

In 2020, the Population Department of Moscow State University conducted a survey of 10 thousand Russian families to find out how household responsibilities are distributed among them. The results are predictable, but there is something else interesting: as the collected statistics show, income is rarely correlated with time spent on the unpaid “second shift”. Even if the wife’s salary makes up the bulk of the budget, this does not affect how much of the husband’s responsibilities at home he takes on. So it turns out that the cliché, unpleasant in itself, about compensating deposits with money through manual labor is also nothing more than a cliché. So why are we doing this? Upbringing, attitudes, “no one will marry” and a number of phrases familiar from childhood. This situation is typical for developing countries and is called “incomplete gender transition”, says Irina Kalabikhina, head of the department at Moscow State University, where the research was conducted: A woman’s income and employment do not affect men’s participation in daily household processes.

How can you pay off your debt while saving yourself?

First of all, answer yourself honestly: Am I compensating for self-doubt or other fears with endless cleaning? Sometimes we set unattainable standards for ourselves; We strive to achieve the mythical ideal of worker, wife and mother at the same time. Dealing with your own anxiety is the first step, and this can also be done with the help of a psychologist. And at the same time, most importantly: Of course, if a family has already acquired a convenient habit of transferring all household responsibilities to a woman, this cannot be changed in one day. But one way or another, you need to start establishing a family-work balance – especially since, as the same MSU study says, in families where husband and wife have similar income and contribution to the household, there is less fear of staying for long term projects and therefore more children and real estate.