Alice, 57 years old: “I’m never bored when I’m with myself”

• First name :Alice
• Age : 57 years old
• Place of life : Western France, with city and coastal life
• Romantic and/or sexual orientation : heterosexual

How long have you been single?

I believe that the last approach that I interrupted (badly perceived by the gentleman who made a scene with me as if we had spent an entire life together), must since 2017.

My upbringing as a young girl prohibited me from having boyfriends. Then I had the chance to pursue my first passion in the artistic field. The couple was very secondary then, I was in the T moment.

A burnout then made me change my professional world. This second job put me in front of the “classic” scheme of the couple and the family, it was quite violent. I gave my time to learn this new profession, and once again I put aside the construction of a couple to protect myself. But I was coveted even without knowing it in my job. I’ve had some encounters and affairs that lasted three, four or five years, without me being totally involved. It was more like “everyone at home”. I think I just wasn’t ready to put myself in too stereotypical a box, even though I was loyal and loving.

Then I resumed my high school studies, again imposing very busy schedules on myself, between a job to honor (to “bring money” home) and studies to be successful. Luckily I got over them, my work continued, but Covid came at a time when I was planning on going out again, when I started thinking about the couple again.

I would just tend to say that from now on, if I met anyone, I would want there to be some sort of agreementhave one each at home and one at home together. Now, I don’t know if I have a deep desire to have a partner. I have a very intense professional pace, I need total rest. For it to work, the desire to share must be stronger than the comfort I have created for myselffor example to be obligation-free on weekends.

And then there’s the question of age. Our bodies change, how will the other accept this modified body? I would have to be in a dating situation, to see how I would react to all these parameters.

How would you describe your single life?

I live my life with a certain freedom of action, of being. Depending on the situation, I may be perceived as THE single person, which can give rise to judgments (“he must have a problem”). But I notice that I am surrounded more and more by single people too.

Does being single impact your friendship or family life?

Yes and no. Yes whymay exclude me from certain dinner opportunities : if I have guests in my house I have to be at the bakery and the mill or organize an organization, in front of a guest couple for example. No, because it ends up being quite common, depending on where I go or who I receive, for example.

Do you think being single has an impact on your daily morale?

I always have things to do, I’m never bored when I’m with myself. Even without children and with a fairly distant family, I have a pretty busy daily life. I continue my journey but I remain open to meeting.

Does being single allow you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

It is likely, since I need no consultation with the other, no negotiation to do what I want, I don’t have schedules to manage…

Conversely, does being single stop you from doing things you might do if you were in a relationship?

Here too it is probable, but I admit that from now on socially speaking everything will be increasingly possible: I go to a holiday club with friends, I go to a singles club… In practice it is obvious that “two people”, certain things are easier to do, and on your own you have to ask third parties, or do them yourself or give up…

Economically two scholarships are certainly more solid, we can benefit from a relay if necessary, and we can support each other in our respective projects. Being alone means being financially independent. I tend to say that when it comes to expenses, budgets, and financial obligations, I’m “one pair.”

Does the geographic location where you live impact your relationship with romantic relationships?

It is possible, the coasts are less populated in winter, and in summer they are very “familiar”. You have to find dynamic associations to meet people. Here relationships work a lot through networks, staying in these is a necessity to meet people, even friendly ones. It is then another step to see if this gives the possibility of a romantic encounter.

Are you actively looking for a romantic relationship?

For nothing. I have a rather demanding job and in my free time I rest. Only then do I see if I feel ready, available to “conquer”. Which is quite rare at the moment.

I tried the apps, I was shocked to see my profile taken over. You have to sort out the curious, the already married who want to flirt, the single… And to pay extra for it, I find it sad.

I went on a few dates, but each time I was faced with a difference between what was displayed on the app and what happened “in real life”. Or I felt that the other person wanted something else. However, I have friends who have managed to meet people on apps. I feel really out of step with this. And then it’s a real job to register, create a profile, find the right photo, order the arrivals… A bit like adverting a house for sale on a website!

Do you feel any pressure to “actively” look for a romantic partner?

I have pressure at work and I handle it. So I refuse to put her in this, under the guise of finding someone. I meet people without being active, but also without pressure. If it has to be done, it will be done. Ideally, I would like it to be before it falls into disrepair and before I go too crazy!

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

I can’t see myself being “hungry” for sex and chasing a guy to secure sexuality (which may, for a moment, look like nothing else). He was lively when I was in a relationship and now he is on hold for the time being.

Do you feel some form of injunction to have a relationship?

I’d rather be alone and unaccompanied. Then, if I meet someone and feel ready, I might take the first step. But I won’t do anything by injunction.

Do you have a dating budget?

Not really, but maybe I’ll think about it!

What are your plans for the future?

I have a lot of them! I haven’t had a plane ticket in forever, for example, and I would like to do a series of activities that tempt me. And there, Single or not, I won’t deprive myself.

Do you have a story about being single to share?

In my previous house I wanted to put wood – real heavy wood – on the floor. I have it delivered and call some friends to empty the truck. We emptied it in 10 minutes flat, in front of the men’s construction team who were amazed by our courage and efficiency.