No, I’m not afraid to sleep alone in the mountains, and here’s why

First, I hear their voices. There are only three of them and they are still far away but they already occupy all the space. When they reach the pond of Ayès I turn to observe them from the opposite bank. I’m sprawled out on my microfiber towel, woozy from the heat since I arrived at noon. I already have 15 kilometers in my legs and I intend to bivouac there, on the shore of this small lake with turquoise waters, located at an altitude of 1,700 metres.

When the three noisy boys arrive, it is already late: it is 18.00. After two refreshing baths, I still have to eat dinner, brush my teeth, comb my hair and pitch the tent. But I immediately understand that my dream project – sleeping soundly by a pond in the Ariège – will never come true. Because those three men will ruin my sleep, I’m sure. They seem overexcited, complimenting each other and talking so loud I can hear their conversation.

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Sleep under the stars in the middle of the mountain

Gradually the shores of the lake empty. Everyone present runs away from the noisy men. I find myself alone with them. Should I go or stay? I arrived six hours early. I deserve this place and this dream night. Annoyed, however, I choose to put my things away, take my rucksack and leave the Ayès lake. I walk until I no longer hear their voices. So I find a flat area where to pitch the tent and quickly set up my camp there. The view is less beautiful but I raise my head to the sky and an idea comes to me.

What if tonight I slept under the stars, that is, without a tent? The weather forecast is clear: it won’t rain. I don’t see any clouds on the horizon so I imagine the beautiful starry night waiting for me. I’ve slept without a curtain in the past, three times. But never again in the Pyrenees. I undertook to cross them on July 1, 2023, via the GR10, a long-distance hiking trail starting from Hendaye (Atlantic coast) to arrive in Banyuls-sur-Mer (Mediterranean coast), 922 kilometers later.

This new stage of my tour of France on foot exhausts my body due to the altitude gain and fills me with beauty due to the diversity of the landscapes encountered. Every night I sleep outside in my one person tent. I choose the wild bivouac, in the middle of nature, or the traditional campsite, to take a shower and wash my clothes. I prefer the solitary bivouac because I fear noisy people and nocturnal awakenings. My sleep is precious.

Tonight I spend my first night under the stars in the Pyrenees. I put the sheet on the ground, put the inflatable mattress on it and unfold the sleeping bag. Once I put on my pajamas, I slip them on and look at the sky. Not the slightest star on the horizon because it’s daytime. But I’m too sleepy because I’ve been up since 5 in the morning. I get up early to walk early and avoid the heat. So I put plugs in my ears, put my cap over my eyes and lie down on my side.

Facing my fear of the big bad wolf

No, I’m not afraid to sleep alone in the mountains, despite the presence of three noisy men a few hundred meters away. They don’t know my exact location. Also no one has seen me settle down and I’m hidden by the mounds. Since the beginning of my solo adventures, I have loved the “invisibility” of my bivouac. How many times have I had to hide in thickets and other undergrowth full of brambles to feel safe?

I have been camping alone since the summer of 2020 but it has taken me several years to dispel the visceral fear of being raped and killed in the forest. Every woman I meet fears for my life and projects her terror onto me. The myth of the big bad wolf has been taught to us since early childhood and I have incorporated it well. The first few nights spent in a wild bivouac, I turned every broken twig into a murderous rapist.

I slept so badly that I had to put ear plugs in. Additionally, I attended several feminist self-defense classes, where I learned to break my knees and yell to scare off a potential attacker. From now on, if the fear comes back, I guess I’ll defeat this imaginary man and come out unscathed. After years of experience I can say it: I’m no longer afraid to sleep alone in the woods.

On the contrary, it is one of the spaces where I feel safest. In four years of experience I have never been attacked. I sleep there peacefully, ten hours straight. I keep telling people I meet that no rapist goes into the forest at night, when he doesn’t know where I am and doesn’t even know me, when he can just rape his wife or daughter at home. The fears projected on people who walk alone have only one goal: to bring them home, where they will be even more violent.

But I won’t go home. This night I spend well under the stars. When the alarm goes off at 5 in the morning, I take off my hat and look at the sky. First, my eyes struggle to distinguish the stars. I wait a few minutes for them to adjust to the low light. Soon I admire the Milky Way, in all its diversity. I see some shooting stars. If only I could stay here, never get up…

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