My girlfriend is involved in my solo vacation, she pisses me off, help!

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I have been in a relationship with an amazing girl for a year and a half. We will also settle down together at the start of the school year. Even though I’m very happy with her, I remain very independent, especially since this is my first serious relationship.

Before I met her, I would go on vacation alone for one week a year. I often choose a quiet place, and I take the opportunity to recharge my batteries, walk in nature, write, take a nap in the evening, eat at a restaurant with a good glass of wine and my book. For some it seems sad, but I love this moment with myself and it recharges me to face the start of the school year.

The thing is, even as a couple, and even though I’ve loved the vacations I’ve already had with my girlfriend, I need this alone time. Last year she didn’t have summer holidays due to her job, so I had an excuse to “get away from the city, even by myself”. This year I was planning to play the same card again and run away in early September but my girlfriend just told me she could ask for days to go away with me.

Accept my independent nature, but I’m afraid she’ll think I don’t love her if I tell her the truth.

You can help me ?

Will be

Daronne’s answer

My little risotto (guess what I’m eating right now?)

Before getting into the heart of the matter, I would like to return to a point that seems important to me to clarify. Put the term sadness on the most extraordinary program I have ever read. It’s not serious, words have meaning, you know. Reading, strolling, lounging, all alone, in a beautiful place, for a week, is not just a dream for most people, it’s a dream that just considering that one day can come true allows you to get up in the Morning. So no, it’s not sad, it’s wonderful.

Now that things are out of the way, let’s get back to our sheep. I have to say you’ve gotten yourself into hell of a mess. And I’d like to warn you: the chances of you coming out completely unscathed are minimal, as are the risks of disasters if you do it correctly.

so what are your options?

Having to endure this summer presence until the end of your days

Or at least until you part ways, which isn’t a happy prospect either. Your first option is therefore to boldly assume the consequences of your lie, such as I do not know what a saint walking barefoot along a rocky path, his heavy cross on his back.

Who knows, this imposed setup might not be so different from what you had imagined? Finally, there are as many vacation moods as there are people on earth (people who can afford to go on vacation, anyway).

For example, if the daron decided to occupy my vacation alone, I know I would just have to draw the busy tablet over an adapted YouTube playlist to create a diversion. She spent her living room streaming “scientific” videos. Namely, videos that very adult males shot in their mother’s cellar to share their recent discoveries about who knows what exoplanet. Unless it’s a marine volcano? Or a new species of bird? I don’t know, since at the time I was vegetating in my deck chair, a book in one hand, a soda in the other. The impact of this conjugal presence is therefore minimal.

Conversely, if I were to leave with my mother, it would not be the same story. The good news is that the accident would only happen once. Since I was going to spend the rest of my life in prison for murder. Which, on the other hand, would be bad news.

So, does the character of your other half allow you to draw a line under your lonely aspirations, without too much bitterness?

Lying is always a solution, but never the best

It would be so easy to lie. However, as I like to reiterate, lying is always a bad investment. For a few moments of artificial relief, you are doomed to live with this lousy lie to the end. For you who like to keep quiet, this situation isn’t ideal.

But let’s face it. In fact, I suppose you could invoke a work emergency, illness, or any other excuse to cancel the trip. But that would assume that instead of spending a week in a relaxing vacation spot, you’d be spending it at home. And you’ll admit that it’s not only counterproductive, it’s also completely stupid.

If you ever consider leaving anyway, thanks to some Machiavellian scheme to keep him from following you, but without revealing your intention to leave, I suggest you stop reading here. The sequel probably won’t interest a sociopath like you.

Tell the truth

If we ask the people who populate this planet what place they give honesty in their value system, they always answer “primordial”. Listening to each other, we humans would be very attached to sincerity, we would say “what we think”, we would be “whole” and in return we would expect those around us to be honest in all circumstances towards us. . OF COURSE. As this very popular expression 150 years ago would say: “ And the groundhog puts the chocolate in the aluminum foil. »

In fact, we take out the flute at the slightest opportunity. And with good reason since people take offense at anything. Here you are forced to foment delusional and potentially dangerous plans for your relationship, when it would have been enough to tell the truth from the very beginning.

Result of the races, it is not the truth but its easy solution which will result in your downfall. It’s a bit ironic, don’t you think?

Honey, sit down, I need to talk to you

This is the time to tell your partner that you have something to say to her, via instant messaging if possible, which you will then desert for the rest of the day. This will allow you to build up the pressure. Hopefully, she’ll have assumed the worst and will be relieved by the warmth of your revelation. Or will he want you even more. Who knows ?

Once in front of her, you will tell her the truth. Even if you are happy to spend this stay in her company, you had planned to leave alone like every year, but you didn’t dare to tell her for fear of hurting her. You will insist that you feel really stupid for hiding it from him, because even if you don’t, you should. You will then assume the justified wrath of your mate. You’ll give him the time he needs to digest the information without trying to turn the situation to your advantage. The followers of “YEAH OK I LIED TO YOU MA YOU NEL 1995 YOU HAS…” we see you and we hate you.

Depending on your relationships and his reaction, you can then decide to leave together this year no matter what. Or go it alone and plan a romantic getaway when you return. Or divide this week in half.

There are always satisfying alternatives in life for everyone, so why bother with little lies that stick to your soles?

I leave you, I have to join the daron for our monthly romantic evening at the pizzeria. He swears, I’ll work up the courage to tell him I hate Italian food. Well, maybe not tonight, but soon.

bisette,

Your Daronne