It’s summer. After a new edition of Nuits Sonores, We Love Green or Primavera Sound Festival in Spain, we can officially declare the festival season open.
Problem ? The rest of humanity is aware of and responds to the appointment. So here are five techniques for calmly letting go of your waddling step while ensuring a good measure of safety between you and the bucket hat wearer.
Who am I to give advice? A seasoned festival goer whose fabled intolerance was built on many sighs and more roll your eyes (nothing to do with cinnamon rolls).
In the Laisse-Moi Kiffer podcast I told you about my last experience at Nuits Sonores (actually it was beautiful).
Dear reader, I looked badly in the eye. I’ve seen bright accessories that made the Disneyland Christmas tree blush. I’ve seen men in the simplest form, their hair carefully glued together by slivers of warm beer. Worse. I have seen children. The plural is important. I have looked at evil and for you I have rounded up the best self defense techniques in this article which will earn me a new Albert London award. Like you still have room for trinkets.
So here’s a new guide for celebrations in the summer, far from ugly.
1. Shout
Among the absurd concert practices such as slipping one’s hands on each other and then taking them off very quickly and repeating the operation to make noise, we find the scream. Proud legacy of our most primal instincts, the cry has the advantage of being double-edged. When we hold it down for a few seconds, we signal to the artist that we approve of their intermittence, that their art is welcome. When we hold it down for more than a good minute, we flag it for the entire audienceyou don’t need social norms to enjoy yourself. After all, you paid. Can you imitate animals? Even better. At the cost of the place, the public deserves a “Zoo de Beauval” bonus.
According to one study (I guess, after all, aren’t there studies on everything?), the cry makes it possible to be heard. And in my opinion, being heard is sometimes the best way to alienate a whole crowd, just like owning an SUV in Paris or clipping your toenails in a waiting room. Then shout. Trust the decibels that they will quickly repel the invader and prove to the beautiful world that it is your evening.
2. Ask for an encore between each song
Together (laughs), humans have perpetrated an aberrant convention. At the end of a concert, the artist pretends to leave. The public pretends to believe it. The artist returns like Messi (while the old men parked in a double row have already left) and sings, sometimes a cappellathe song you always skip on the album.
Why wait until the end of the live for this huge deception? Call the “encore” between each song. You will be right every time. Also, there is no encore at the festival, but if you hang on and sing an encore non-stop, the performer will break the rule and come back. Perhaps accompanied by security. And you’ll easily be found in this little airlock that your long piggy squeals will have drawn around you.
3. Practice nonsensical dancing
perfect fusion of madison and shameless reappropriation of martial arts, absurd dance (Latin absurd), it is to surprise your public (because yes, heads will quickly turn away from the troubadours on stage, the show is you). And boom kick. No stuffing (or completely drunk depending on the weather). Mix. Can you mime? Even better. Wheel ? The candle ? Roundabouts? Everyone should take advantage of it.
The humid summer heat helps, everyone will carefully avoid contact (strokes?) With your tranced body. For absurd dance, precision, rigor and training are perfectly secondary. All that matters is the trust you put in that arm when you’re about to mimic the helicopter. And boom, mix it up.
4. Comment
Before the festival, get a lot of information about the program. The opportunity not to miss anything from the future greats of music. Once you have gathered this valuable information, share it. To whom? But everyone, go. Contextualize all titles. You will be Shazam, Genius and Wikipedia all rolled into one. Does anyone react? It’s because we can’t hear you. Turn up the volume. Far from fanatics of hats, light garlands (yes, it’s common at festivals) and other Breton flags. This festival will be commented or it will not be.
5. Stay hydrated
What could be more unpleasant than a thick trickle of beer down the spine? (this is a rhetorical question to which renal colic is certainly an excellent answer). But who likes to feel wet fabric against skin?
Wander the place on one foot, a brimful pint in hand. If you’re going to apologize profusely, be effusive, loud, and wait for the song everyone loves to do it. Otherwise, poker face. After all, you paid for this beer. Do what you want with it. It’s an expensive solution, but when you want a festival for yourself, don’t quibble about the bill. I have personally never heard a jet owner complain about the price of Heineken.
Combinable options for a result with small onions
Unlike a date and a wisdom tooth operation, these options can be combined. So you can scream, dance silly, pour gallons of beer, ask for an encore and comment on everything. Congratulations, you are a straight cis man at a festival. And in order not to be alone, you act as if. Isn’t that the best way to alienate the rest of humanity?
Of course, I give free rein to your creativity to make sure that no one has fun by your side. Sweating, constant phone calls, stilts… the limit is the sky. Tell us your best techniques in the comments so we’re never tempted to dance alongside you.
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Source: Madmoizelle
Mary Crossley is an author at “The Fashion Vibes”. She is a seasoned journalist who is dedicated to delivering the latest news to her readers. With a keen sense of what’s important, Mary covers a wide range of topics, from politics to lifestyle and everything in between.
