Marina, 24 years old: “I have been with a distant, lying, unfaithful and humiliating person for 6 years”

Every week at Célib, people of all kinds tell us about the joys and questions of their celibacy, chosen or endured. Today Marina tells us about the immense feeling of ambivalence she feels as a single woman after experiencing a toxic and abusive relationship.

Every week at Célib, people of all kinds tell us about the joys and questions of their celibacy, chosen or endured. Today Marina tells us about the immense sense of freedom she feels as a single person after having experienced a toxic and violent relationship.

• First name : Navy*

• Age : 24 years
• Single since then : 4 years
• Romantic and sexual orientation : heterosexual

How long have you been single?

I’ve been single for 4 years, after an almost 6 year relationship – my only real romantic relationship. It was a toxic relationship, as I was with someone who lied to me a lot, who cheated on me, who was disloyal. At first he wasn’t cheating on me but he was playing with fire, and since he wasn’t taking action, I had no say. I lost my confidence very quickly..

Over time, it started turning things against me: it was my fault if he cheated on me, I was too much, too much… At the same time, he didn’t accept that we were no longer together, that I could leave him. I was, in a sense, a prisoner of him. Sometimes he showered me with affection, I was the love of his life, and suddenly he became a distant, lying, unfaithful and demeaning person.

Then he started to be aggressive towards me, sometimes violent. He was banging on the walls, threatening me, breaking my phone, slapping me… It just got worse, so much that I was scared of him. He was manipulating me into staying, he threatened to commit suicide, he drank, he took the car then he hasn’t given any more news so much that I’m scared. Then he came back as if nothing had happened. I suffered a lot, until the day when I was exhausted, exhausted, I decided to stop. He accepted because he had another girl in mind.

When I started savoring life again, he always came back. I ended up rejecting it outright, having reached a tipping point. With time, personal development, my shrink, and my entourage, I’ve managed to feel good, free, and happy. I realized that what I had experienced was not normal. But meeting people and trusting remains difficult for me. Being alone with a man scares me. I had a few flirts after that, never anything serious. And I have the impression that in our society it is difficult to find seriousness, fidelity, respect, trust.

Also Read: How To Help A Friend In A Toxic Relationship?

What is your relationship with being single?

It was very difficult at first, as I was in a state of emotional dependency. I had a lot of trouble feeling alone, I was scared. Then, over time, I tried to heal, to enjoy being alone, to discover myself, to overcome myself, to do things I couldn’t do when I was in a relationship. Over time it has become a pleasure to be single, to feel free. But in recent months, I sometimes have moments where I feel sad about this situation.

Does being single affect your friendship or family life?

Not particularly. It’s true that it’s a topic that often comes up in conversations, as I’m the only one of my friends and family who is single. Afterwards, sometimes, I get a little lonely when we all have moments together and I see them all happy and in love and I’m not with anyone. But since I’m well surrounded, it’s not even dramatic.

Do you think being single allows you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

I was able to do single things that I couldn’t do when I was in a relationship with my ex, since he forbade me, I had no freedom.

After my breakup I started learning to live with myself and try to discover myself. I started taking up dancing, boxing, swimming. I started going out alone: ​​going to the cinema, exhibitions, markets, museums… I was very afraid of being alone, it was a challenge for me to get there. I was then able to do weekends with my friends, which was previously impossible. I also managed to go to Portugal for a week with them, to do a festival with my brothers and my cousins. My relationship was like a prison and I finally got rid of it. My clothes, my makeup, my hair, I could finally do whatever I wanted without fear of being judged by him. I also succeeded in my studies, I changed cities and tried other passions such as theater and cinema.

I know now that if I’m ever in a relationship again, I will not stop myself from livingI will arrange to carry on my life by sharing it with someone.

Conversely, do you think being single prevents you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

Yes, traveling, going away for the weekend, going to a restaurant… These are things I can’t see myself doing on my own.

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

I’m not looking, otherwise I’d focus on it and it would end up making me sad and breaking the magical thing that is meeting someone. For me it has to happen like this, without foreseeingwithout prior reflection, feeling, of course.

My loved ones can’t wait for me to find someone so I know what it’s like to be with someone good, who loves me and makes me happy. But luckily it’s not obsessive either.

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

Yes why without a partner there is no sexand I’m not a one night stand.

What are your plans for the future?

I finish my theater studies and then I go on a humanitarian trip. For my travel plan, I’m afraid that if I ever get in a relationship again, I won’t feel free to do so again.

Do you have an anecdote about being single to share?

Because I’m scared of romantic relationships, I often have one night stands. But I have a clumsy side, which means that sometimes, I experience embarrassing situations, but still make my loved ones laugh when I tell them. For example, I’ve been drunk at a party and kissed one guy, and a week later I kissed another guy and find out they’re friends.

Or being drunk and not realizing the guy in question isn’t my style, tell him but keep kissing him afterwards. Or hiding behind loved ones at a bar because there’s a guy I kissed at a party who was hoping to see me again when I wasn’t interested.

Therefore, I can turn my celibacy into something fun.

Thanks to Marina* for answering our questions.

*Name has been changed.