Manon, 28: “The worst thing is to see that your friends experience celibacy through you”

• First name : But it is not
• Age : 28 years
• Single since then : 6 years
• Romantic and sexual orientation : Straight

How long have you been single?

This does 6 years that I didn’t have a boyfriend and that I wasn’t really in love.

What is your relationship with being single?

My celibacy is quite eventful: always stories from left to right, funny little anecdotes, pleasures and tears. As my friends say, we could write a book with my stories: “Manon and the boys”.

My parents have been together for 37 years, are still in love and will get married for the first time in 2023. Since I was little, I have this beautiful and magnificent vision of love. Sometimes it worries me because I’m afraid to idealize love. I want to recreate the same thing, but if I can’t, Will my life be a failure?

I experienced my first love at 17 and it destroyed me. My boyfriend at the time had certain words and certain behaviors that still impacting my sex and love life today. I ended up cheating on him and for a while I just saw myself as the ” whore who cheated on her boyfriend “. I thought I didn’t deserve to be loved.

Subsequently, I was imbued with observations that some guys had made to me. I told myself that men only see me as a fantasy or a girl to have fun with, not someone to be with or fall in love with…

Today again, I am attracted to inaccessible men : those who leave abroad or do not want to commit themselves. Like, ultimately, I’m scared of being in a relationship. Fear of not knowing when the end will be, of suffering or making others suffer.

Does being single affect your friendship or family life?

Being single has no impact on my family life – except sometimes with my twin sister, I’m always afraid she’ll worry too much about me if my heart breaks – but friendly yes.

As I approach my thirties, my friends are starting to buy houses or get married or have kids, I feel ” Nothing “, out of step or still too young, too childish. As I compare myself – obviously never with the right people – and since I feel useless, I take a step back and I will widen this gap even more by no longer favoring these friends, because I tell myself that they will no longer want me.

Do you feel that being single affects your morale on a daily basis?

being single, it’s difficult. We constantly ask ourselves questions about ourselves, our future, or the guys we’ve met. Sometimes we dwell on the past because we reminisce, watch romantic movies or receive targeted pregnancy test announcements. The worst is seeing your friends experience celibacy through youwho are waiting for it, to hear your new stories.. As if we were a troubadour animating the gallery.

I laugh, but sometimes we get comments” Cute “, but offensive in style:” Don’t you want to ask? », « I wonder who will be the man of your life? », « You don’t know how to be fully happy, I mean you don’t have a boyfriend », « I’m sure it’s because you are too difficult/demanding “… There is also this friend who absolutely wants to set you up with her best friend that you have known for years, but that you don’t like… You still and always feel unloved, because no one understands what you feel.

Do you think being single allows you things you couldn’t do as a couple?

Of course, being single allows me to do many things, because no one questions my life choices. For example, I undertook an additional master’s degree after my high school diploma (in Belgium, this term designates a group of higher education institutions which issue a vocational diploma), I was able discover new sexual experiences, including sleeping with a girl, trying shibari… And I did it for myself, without sharing my experience with someone I love. Being in a relationship, I could have ended up having sex with a girl having a threesome, and not fully enjoying the experience between her and me.

If I wasn’t single I wouldn’t be able to do many things with my life and with my friends, I have 3 jobs and besides that, I go out and enjoy my free time as I wish.

Conversely, do you think being single prevents you from doing things you could do if you were in a relationship?

I could build my bubble with someone, be able to explore things, help each other grow. Have concrete and anchored projects such as buying a house or starting a family.

Are you actively trying to find a romantic relationship?

I ” look for », in the sense that I want to meet people, but I never tell myself that it is to find the love of my life. I always tell myself we’ll see where it takes me. After, I know deep inside me, I feel ready to be in a relationship.

How would you describe your relationship with meetings?

To meet people, I go out with my friends at night, or I use Bumble. It’s very sad to say, but I realize that I use dating apps when I’m alone. If I see a guy, I don’t use them, even if they stay on my phone. I consult Bumble when I’m bored: I watch a movie, I go to the bathroom… I’m not very involved.

I recently had a datebut I no longer have the strength. There is no more strength to start all over again, to show myself in my best light, to invest myself or to experience a month of intense pleasure, and then it stops in two snaps of the fingers. I’m tired of adding a name to my list for ” Nothing “. I’m tired of everything being temporary.

Does being single in love impact your sex life?

I would like to have a regular partner for ” build something », to discover himself and that it is always better in bed and discover new things with him. I don’t want to add a boy to my list anymore. for nothing ». One-night stands don’t interest me anymore, mostly because they’re rarely about fire.

When I’m dating a guy as long as we haven’t said anything (Are we exclusive? sex friends ?), I assume I do what I want. I don’t owe him anything, so if an opportunity arises to meet someone else, I’ll go.

I also have a bad tendency, to protect myself and not suffer, a hang up on multiple branches », and so don’t focus too quickly on just one guy. I prefer this method to having a plan that I see every 3 moons. It’s useless and then, when you reactivate your libido, it’s always difficult to put the fire out again…

What are your plans for the future? Does celibacy have an impact on these desires and projections?

In the short term I would like to challenge myself professionally in one of my jobs, maybe change it to do something more challenging. I would also like to visit a friend who lives in Mexico.

I also have to find new accommodation, as the rent on my shared apartment expires at the end of April. Obviously, if I had a boyfriend, the question of moving in with him would arise.

Do you have an anecdote about being single to share?

I have many, but this one blew me away. It’s about this friend who I’ve had stories with before, who I liked, but who didn’t want anything serious. Then, finally, after we stopped seeing each other, he got together with a girl, who he is still with today. When I saw him in the evening, he said to me: But in the end Manon, I don’t understand how a girl like you can be single. You are an amazing, beautiful person… Sometimes I regret not going out with you. I would love to go back to seize this opportunity… »

Thanks to Manon for answering our questions!