The drinking culture fed a toxic “mother needs wine” mentality, which made it “acceptable” for “white middle-class mothers” to drink at the end of the day, but black women who did the same thing, the author said.
US psychotherapist Veronica Valli says the normalization of binge drinking has “culturally conditioned” women to think that “there’s nothing wrong with rewarding themselves with a drink” after “surviving” another day of parenting.
Note that this idea has been embraced by pop culture. While social media is filled with slogans such as “babies are good, wine is good”, parents can buy baby clothes with messages such as “I’m the reason your mother needs wine”.
But the sober Valli argues that white “drunken mothers” are considered “harmless”, while black women are more evaluated and reported to social services.
One author says the drinking culture has spawned a dangerous “mother needs wine” mentality, leading parents to believe they need alcohol to “survive” parenthood. stock image
“Funny memes and jokes about drunk mothers are considered harmless entertainment if it’s a middle-class white mother,” Valli writes in his new book, Soberful.
“But how do you see a black mother? Would a drunk black mother caring for her children be seen the same way? How would he be judged?
“The idea that the mother needs wine is not disputed by middle- and upper-class white women. Black women and working-class women would not be afforded the same luxury.
The author speaks to Grachelle Sherburne, a licensed clinical social worker, who agrees that “mothers need wine” is an example of white privilege to “maintain motherhood.”
In the stark photo presented, Valli argues that society has become too accepting of the binge eating culture.
“If there was an organized group of black women drinking in a public place with their babies on their hips, the Department of Family and Child Services would be called immediately,” she says.
“As a social worker, I have seen child protection requests for black families, but white families have been given resources and support for the same situation.”
Valli, who grew up in England, says she suffered from “reverse alcoholism” for years before giving up alcohol completely.
He says the “mother needs wine” mentality stems from broader attitudes towards alcohol.
“Alcohol is consciously associated with as many positive experiences and celebrations as possible,” he writes.
“Most people can’t imagine a birthday party, Christmas dinner, wedding, socializing with coworkers, school reunion, or an alcohol-free weekend.
“I think it’s fair to argue that alcohol is appropriate in most of these situations, but there is an important distinction between appropriate and necessary use. We can do all this soberly, without diminishing our joy and pleasure in any way.
But the distinction between optional and mandatory has almost completely disappeared. Let us now consider a significant number of unimaginable events without alcohol.
“Fun aside, we believe none of these events are intolerable without alcohol. We believe we need alcohol to truly enjoy it.
“What bothers me most is the expansion of events and situations that now alcohol is associated with.
The author notes that normalizing binge drinking leaves women “culturally conditioned” to think that “there’s nothing wrong with rewarding yourself with a drink.” stock image
“I’ve also seen yoga studios offering yoga and wine events lately because a dehydrating, toxin-laden central nervous system depressant is exactly what you want in your yoga session.”
But Valli says this attitude towards alcohol is particularly relevant to parenting, arguing that it actually reflects the lack of support available to mothers who are struggling.
“This new culture ‘mother needs wine’ sounds to me like a gracefully veiled primal cry. Women lack the support, childcare, and community needed to raise children,” she writes.
Pictured Psychotherapist Veronica Valli shares her thoughts in her new book
“Being a mother is challenging, exhausting and lonely. This makes it easy to believe the lie that alcohol is the best way to make the connection and what mothers are looking for.
Mothers are desperate to hold on to a piece of themselves because motherhood is much, much harder than they expected. And if they can’t get enough support from society or their husbands, they at least deserve a drink!’
The author argues that this carefree approach to alcohol hides the harmful effects of alcohol that can affect children and families.
“What worries me particularly is the injustice of drinking, especially the injustice of binge drinking, which is deceptively presented as amusing and fruitless,” he continues.
“It’s a myth that there are only two drinkers in the camp: those who can’t (whole-blood alcoholics) and everyone else (most can handle it well).
“In fact, many people drink too much that doesn’t fit the definition of an alcoholic, but they certainly face the consequences: hangovers, shame, depression, anxiety, overspending, loss of opportunity, or the dullness that alcohol gives you. Mind and spirit.
“We use our spin-doctor skills to turn our results into a humorous story to entertain our friends while burying our shame, shame, and self-disgust.
“We have normalized abnormal consumption by eliminating its serious and frequent consequences. It is a collective and conscious denial that alcohol has an effect on the vast majority who can handle it.
Hangovers are dismissed as meaningless and irrelevant. Alcohol is fun, something we need; this is our right. And now it is included in all educational activities.’
Soberful: Discover a Sustainable and Hearty Alcohol Free Life by Veronica Valli, published by Sounds True Inc, £14.99
Source: Daily Mail
