While lying is definitely not a desirable trait in relationships, chatting about who ate the last Jaffa pie is definitely not cheating on the same level as a relationship.
But where to draw the line to prevent harmless white lies from turning into something more serious that can hurt your relationship?
Speaking to London-based relationship expert FEMAIL and co-founder of dating app So Syncd, Jessica Alderson outlined the most common reasons for lying and explained when it comes to worrying it becomes an issue.
Avoiding conflict is another motivation, says Jessica, who says insecurity is one of the main reasons for lying, if we’re not comfortable with who we are, we can lie to show that we’re different from ourselves.
“This could be a result of wanting to avoid problems that could cause tension, or not having the energy to do it,” said the expert.
You may also want to avoid telling the truth to your partner so as not to hurt their feelings.
“This usually happens when we care deeply about someone and want to protect them from a situation or do something that we know will be devastating,” Jessica said.
Other less common reasons for lying include: lying to control someone and people who are compulsive liars.
Here, Jessica reveals some common things people lie about in relationships and whether your lies are harmless.
Relationship expert and So Syncd co-founder Jessica Alderson explained the lie and how it evolved in a couple (stock image)
White lies pretending to like your partner’s birthday present or dress
“A little white lie once in a while isn’t a bad thing,” Jessica said. “Ultimately, a good way to determine whether a lie is acceptable is whether the intention behind it is pure and whether it has long-term consequences.
“For example, if your partner tries so hard to get you a birthday present that they think you’ll like, it’s acceptable even if you don’t like it, and in some cases it’s even useful to show appreciation. for gift. †
“In this case, the intention behind the lie is pure. It’s just to avoid hurting your partner’s feelings and is unlikely to have long-term consequences. However, if you’re lying regularly for your partner’s sake, something is going wrong.
“White lies should be one-offs rather than mundane occurrences.”
lies about money
“The most common lie in relationships is about spending money,” Jessica said. “Finance is a major source of tension in relationships because people often have strong views on money.
“The reasons people lie about money often have to do with guilt, control, and fear.
“In some cases, for practical reasons, people want to save their money if they know they won’t be with their long-term partner.”
“In some cases, for practical reasons, people want to save their money if they know they won’t be with their long-term partner.”
If you’ve been with your partner for a long time, Jessica warned that constantly lying about money can erode trust.
“Trust is one of the most important pillars of any relationship, and if you break someone’s trust by lying to someone, it can be very difficult or even impossible to rebuild, depending on the extent of the lies,” he warned.
Lies about what you want in the future
Luckily, people don’t tend to lie about bigger things in relationships, like their plans and aspirations for the future, like buying a house or starting a family, the expert said.
However, it’s important to be honest about what you want and not be tempted to hide it in hopes of being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t share the same goals.
“It’s not something to discuss on a first date, but if you want to have kids, for example, it’s important to be honest about what you want and most people are,” Jessica said. “It doesn’t make sense to lie about such things.”
Lying about what you’re doing or where you’ve been
Jessica said: “In healthy relationships, you never have to lie about where you are.
“Obviously independence is important in a relationship and you don’t have to tell your partner where you are every minute of the day, but lying about your location is a different story.”
“If you feel the need to lie, you’re probably doing something that you know won’t make your partner happy, and you need to deal with it through open and honest communication.”
Lying about being happy in a relationship
“Some people lie to themselves saying they’re happy in a relationship, not because they’re afraid of being alone,” Jessica said.
“Disruptions can be devastating, and to prevent or delay that suffering, we may lie and pretend we are happy when we are not.”
But Jessica said it “almost always made the situation worse.”
She said: “If you’re pretending to be happy in a relationship, you have to make the difficult decision between going your own way or solving problems with your partner.
“The thought of being alone can be scary, but learning to be happy alone is one of the best things you can do in life.”
Lies about your past relationships
“People sometimes lie about their past relationships to protect their partners. However, when it comes to comparing your current spouse with your previous partners, it’s better not to lie than not to do it,” Jessica said.
However, she said she’s not tempted to lie about your past actions.
“If it’s something more serious, like cheating on a previous relationship, you may want to lie about it, but you have to be honest and honest no matter what stage you’re in as a couple,” she said.
“It’s a tough conversation, but if asked directly about it, you have to tell the truth, because potential partners have a right to know.”
Source: Daily Mail
