Should I delete my messages with my ex? Pros and cons of memoirs

We are sure that you have thought about opening a correspondence with your ex at least once. Maybe you are one of those people who erase the traces of their past relationships to avoid nostalgia. But is it necessary to get rid of memories? We talked to psychologists and learned what we should do.

It turns out that there is no consensus on this issue. Family psychologist Anna Glushneva explained that correspondence with the ex revives memories and sends the girl back to that period of her life. According to him, the brain begins to romanticize the image of your ex and makes you believe that happiness is possible right now. However, the expert warned: This is a scam.

As Anna Glushneva noted, if you remain friends, reading correspondence will not do any harm, but if the separation is painful, then you will have to delete messages, and here’s why.

1. It takes time to come to your senses. You should not hide anything that would tie you to your ex-partner. Digging into the situation will only cause more pain. When you read the correspondence, you start to think about the issue: What could have been done differently? What’s my mistake? Or vice versa: What did your partner do wrong?

2. Anger and discontent arise. The rigor of words begins. You may have missed or misunderstood some expressions in the past. In a wounded situation, many sentences may be perceived differently and leave a different emotional imprint.

3. False hopes. Warm, emotional confessions from your ex-partner may lead you to believe that the relationship could be rekindled. Most of the time this is self-deception, because then you were completely different. There’s no point in trying out that character on your own today.

Psychologist Khadizhat Shabueva found arguments for preserving correspondence with former lovers. He said the messages can help heal a “broken heart.”

1. Nostalgia for beautiful moments. If the relationship ended on a positive note and the messages remind you of good times, deletion may be premature. In this case, these messages can serve as unforgettable moments that you will want to return to.

2. There is no need to “run away” from the past. Deleting conversations can be perceived as an attempt to avoid contact with an important phase of your life. If the correspondence does not cause pain, it can be left as part of the memories without damaging the emotional state.

3. Practical value. In some cases, correspondence may contain useful information: agreements, plans or other necessary data. In this case, they play only a functional role.

In the end, only you will decide whether to delete old correspondence or not. Psychologists explained that you need to understand what emotions arise when reading messages at the moment: they pull you back and prevent you from moving forward, or they cause a smile and warmth inside.

By the way, if you are thinking about whether to read your correspondence with your ex, you can find out why you broke up by taking our test.