What is the “lobster effect” or why do we give up after the first failure?

Omar Khayyam believed that those who lost their hearts died before their time. Why do we lose faith in ourselves when we have almost achieved our goal? There is a known phenomenon in nature called the “lobster effect”, where the loser as a result of a fight for a woman or territory loses motivation after the first failure. The same thing happens to people. Let’s understand why.

Attitude towards failure

Remember how during school lessons the teacher asked the class if everything was clear and how scary it was to admit this to everyone. So what if someone dared to say that they did not understand the material covered? Yes, as a rule, he was rewarded with the grins and scorn of the same poor people who pretended to be smart. And so we grew, but the complexes remained.

People of the Soviet era are still taught to “walk in order”, not stand out and imitate the majority, although the buzzers and millennials do not have any special problems in this regard. Therefore, it is more difficult for the older generation to try themselves in new fields of activity, because they will be afraid to make mistakes in the learning process. It is difficult for them to leave the status of expert and become a student who can freely experiment and create without looking at the result.

At the same time, as children, we all fell until we learned to walk, we cried until we learned to talk. Why do we now place such high demands on ourselves? After all, any skill, whether it is cooking an omelet or learning Chinese, requires patience, attention and skill. Sometimes, in pursuit of a goal, we miss the opportunity to enjoy the process. There is no error-free experience that is highly valued by all employers.

It is noteworthy that in Silicon Valley, the business community evaluates the competence of a specialist not only by his successes, but also by the number of failures. After all, if a person managed to find the strength to continue doing something after failure, then at least he already knows how to avoid it.

Inability to evaluate progress

At the moment of failure, critical thinking becomes dull. We focus too much on the reality of failure and over-dramatize its consequences. In reality, failure may simply be a signal of something more important; For example, it may indicate that a person is wasting their energy and resources in the wrong way.

There is also the expression of a wonderful blessing in disguise, which translates as “disguised luck” or “everything is for the better” in Russian. Consider the situation of a person who was late for an important meeting on September 11, 2001. He was probably afraid of losing his job or a lucrative contract. He thought absolutely all the circumstances were against him until he later learned the news of the terrorist attack in which more than 600 people died.

At the same time, we forget our successes very quickly. After all, the brain has already received dopamine, which causes euphoria from a successfully completed task. It happens that the goal is objectively difficult to achieve. Therefore, do not despair if something does not work out right away. It is better to break it down into several key stages and track progress. And don’t forget to praise yourself. You can even make yourself an achievement board and put your awards and beautiful photos in a prominent place so you don’t remember your progress and don’t give up like a lobster!

lack of purpose

Another reason why we may not get what we want is an incorrectly formulated goal. Sometimes a person only thinks about himself when it comes to success, so he surrenders to the battle at the right moment. It’s important to truly understand what you need and why. Only then will you be able to focus on victory and not be caught up in fear and doubt.

It is important to note that there will be ups and downs on the way to your goal. Therefore, for motivation, it is recommended to keep in mind examples of successful people who have behind them examples of how to overcome crisis situations.