“Just Friends”: what is the status quo and what is interesting about the second season of “Friend Zone” – the opinion of a psychologist and sexologist

START has released the new series of the youth drama “Friend Zone”, shot with the support of the Internet Development Institute (IRI). In the second season, the girl Marina (Vlada Erofeeva) unexpectedly breaks up with 23-year-old Kirill (Alexey Slavkin). It’s that simple: No explanations and no arguments right before the engagement. Everything seemed fine between them. Young, beautiful, happy. What could have caused this? So why do people break up with each other? These are the questions that the main character must find answers to.

Each of us has at least once found ourselves in a situation where it is unclear who you are to your partner – just a friend or something more. And at the beginning of a relationship, this is natural, but sometimes the situation drags on and causes disappointment. If millennials used the pithy phrase “everything is complicated” to describe the state of relationships, closers introduced the concept of “situationality” to describe friendships with benefits.

How can you determine that you mean something important to your partner and are not an alternative airport? How to build truly strong romantic relationships? Why do people friend zone and how can we change it?

Psychologist and candidate of psychological sciences Elena Yarikova and sexologist Alexandra Miller answered these questions exclusively for The Fashion Vibes.

Is it true that a partner always loves more?

A frame from the “Friendzone 2” series

The series begins with an everyday scene of two young lovers. However, from the first minutes it becomes clear who loves more in a relationship. For Kirill, love, of course, comes first, but for his lover Marina, it is more important to develop in the modeling business. Why is the balance of power so open? If only because the hero of Alexei Slavkin dropped out of college and got a job as a bartender to earn money for the precious ring and propose to his beloved in front of his friends (and the whole world), but is Marina ready? For such reckless romantic gestures?

Unfortunately, not all love stories end like O. Henry’s famous story “The Gift of the Magi,” in which each of the characters gives up the most precious thing they have to confess their feelings: Della was ready to cut her hair. She sets out to buy a watch chain, and Jim sells his watch to buy her a comb.

Marina didn’t really need the ring, and Kirill didn’t need it either. Moreover, we understand that this is not a commercial issue. After all, there weren’t even any loud fights between them. So why does he want to escape from this suffocating love? How could he feel anything other than gratitude?

How to enter the friend zone and what is it connected with?

A frame from the “Friendzone 2” series

The friendship zone itself also has a dubious status: in such a relationship, everyone tries to satisfy their needs. While one plays the role of a loyal friend who is ready to help, listen, and give advice at any time, the second enjoys the benefits of loyal friendship, which he cannot realize in his relationship.

Elena Yarikova, psychologist and candidate of psychological sciences

“The friend zone is a method of manipulation,” says psychologist Elena Yarikova. – The “victim” of the friend zone hopes to eventually win the affection of the opposite sex by doing everything a friend usually does. In other words, all good deeds are done for the sake of something, even if it is from the heart. And if there were no sympathy and hope for the person admired, such a friendship would hardly be possible.”

This is exactly what we see between Kirill and Marina in “Friend Zone”. Their uninvited victims are literally “trapped” and their possible escape routes are cut off. After all, Marina did not ask the man to leave the university for his own good. But his sacrifice seems to require him to make the same gestures for which he is not ready. And it’s hard for her to even be angry with him! Otherwise, he will become a bad person in the eyes of others. Therefore, the only thing that came to her mind was to rush to Singapore to build a modeling career.

Is it possible to get out of the friend zone?

A frame from the “Friendzone 2” series

The girl’s departure comes as a shock to Kirill, who naively searches for what he did wrong. He was used to looking after Marina, but he himself lifted her onto this pedestal. His search for answers leads him to his mother (Natalia Vdovina), who suddenly left his life. He arrives in Gelendzhik, but does not immediately realize that his driver is his mother’s new husband. He unexpectedly learns about the existence of his half-sister.

Somehow I can’t believe that your mother hid the truth all this time to avoid hurting her son. It seems like he’s actually afraid of hurting himself. After all, it is easier to disappear in the memory of your son, remaining an immaculate angel and an unattainable ideal, than to see condemnation in the eyes of your own child.

“There is often a fear of speaking openly in the friend zone,” explains psychologist Elena Yarikova.

One is afraid of hurting the bitter truth, thereby ruining a comfortable relationship, and the second is afraid of rejection. But you will still need to take an adult stance to face reality and quickly return to normal relationships. Talk to a “friend” and tell about your feelings, as a rule, everything instantly becomes clear and transparent. The choice is yours: Are you ready to accept this fact and leave a relationship that has no chance, or would you rather suffer and be close to someone who will never love you?

How do you know when you’re in the friend zone and is it worth saving the relationship?

A frame from the “Friendzone 2” series

As a rule, the “friend zone” is also characterized by: marking.

  • They tell you about your new acquaintances and likes without hesitation or fear of hurting your feelings.
  • They offer you to actively find your other half or explain how things are going on your personal front.
  • They avoid being alone with you, preferring to communicate with their friends.
  • He was called friend, buddy or other funny nicknames.
  • They talk without hesitation about inappropriate moments, shortcomings or ridiculous situations that they would be reluctant to tell the person they sympathize with.
  • They want to hug you, hug you, touch you and use every situation as an opportunity to show tactility.

It’s important to ask yourself why you’re in the friend zone in the first place.

Remember the evolution of your relationship; At what point did it become friendly? What obvious benefits do you get? Maybe you both feel comfortable playing this type of game? And most importantly, where to go next if this relationship pattern is causing discomfort?

Often people do not think about the end goal when following a process. “What if it works”, “Soon he will understand my true attitude and we will be together.” Do you perceive reality objectively and how ready are you to be there at the right time? Evaluate real opportunities based on the history and dynamics of communication. You shouldn’t give up too early, but there’s no point in wasting time in a place where you’ll never get reciprocity.

What is the difference between romantic relationships and situational relationships?

A frame from the “Friendzone 2” series

“The thing that scares and worries people the most is uncertainty. There is an expression: “Hope dies last,” but from the point of view of mental health, it is better to forget about it as quickly as possible so as not to waste your time and not live in illusions, says sexologist Alexandra Miller.

Alexandra Miller, sexologist

“The friend zone, being close to the person you love, is a pathetic opportunity to strangle your own emotions. One loves and does everything for the happiness of the other, in the hope of receiving at least a little attention, while the other happily enjoys all these benefits,” says the sexologist.

This symbiosis lasts until the lover runs out of resources and remembers self-respect. And the most unpleasant thing is that according to the “relationship arrangements” he does not even have the right to be offended, since no one promises him anything. The lover is happy because he has been deceived.

Maybe there was love at the beginning of the relationship between Marina and Kirill, but the hero himself, due to low self-esteem, exalted the object of love and drove himself into the friend zone.

Why do we fall in unrequited love?

A frame from the “Friendzone 2” series

Sometimes we give in to passion and are sure that this is the key to happiness in our personal lives. But we must not forget that for most couples, falling in love disappears after a year or two, and they realize with horror that nothing connects them except sex. Suddenly, a completely unfamiliar man appears in front of us and he even starts to annoy us because the hormones are no longer increasing as before.

If you have any doubts about whether your partner loves you or sees you as a backup option, just ask directly. At the very beginning of the series, Kirill asks Marina this question, but she avoids answering. This should have warned him already, but perhaps the hero, who does not believe in reciprocity at heart, chose to deceive himself. Subconsciously, he already knew the answer, but apparently he was hoping to “win” love, no matter how sad it was. As a result, he was perceived as a servant or loyal knight, rather than as an equal and valued partner.

“If a miracle does not happen and there is no reciprocity, accept the fact that there is nothing wrong with you, just an incompatibility in the couple. Rejected people immediately lower their self-esteem and think of themselves as beautiful, sexy, smart, etc. They do not see it as such. We forget that we are not in love with perfection and ideals. Often we cannot even explain why we love someone,” explained sexologist Alexandra Miller.

What should you do if there is no response?

A frame from the “Friendzone 2” series
  • It is better to keep communication to a minimum, because any meeting will be painful until you let go of the object of your love.
  • Pamper yourself with bright emotions and travel.
  • Make new acquaintances – the more the better. A well-matched match is a statistic that includes one successful match among many unsuccessful dates.
  • Do some exercise. It stimulates the production of oxytocin, endorphins, dopamine and serotonin. It is this “hormonal cocktail” that will help you get rid of depression.

So what is the secret to a perfect relationship? According to sexologist Miller, it’s all about stigma; a mechanism for remembering the first vivid impressions of falling in love. After all, who knows who the girl fell in love with first – a boy who looked like a teddy bear, or a Ken doll that all her classmates longed for? We often unconsciously choose a partner who resembles one of our parents. Our sympathies are sometimes so spontaneous that finding out who is truly right for you is a difficult task. Therefore, you should not be upset if something does not work out. After all, the main thing in love is to find the person.

Source: People Talk

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