What are complexes: their types, where do they come from and how to get rid of them?

They say if you don’t love yourself, no one will love you. But complexes often prevent us from accepting ourselves as we are. We talked with a psychologist about what it is, what complexes there are and how to deal with them.

What are complexes

A complex is a person’s distorted idea of ​​himself, his strengths and weaknesses. “Usually all complexes begin in childhood: a careless remark made even as a joke by parents, bullying from classmates and criticism from teachers. Often, already at a conscious age, a person may suffer from complexes inherent in childhood, but he does not even remember it – everything remains in the subconscious,” says psychologist Artem Pashkin. There are five most common complexes: a sense of inferiority, victimization, small penis (of course only found in men), Alice in Wonderland and Don Quixote. We recommend looking at each separately.

kinds

Inferiority complex

Inferiority complex It is considered the most common. People suffering from this are very dependent on the opinions of others, and any criticism (even minor or objective) is perceived as a personal insult and confirmation of their unworthiness. It has long been known that those who suffer from an inferiority complex are “full-fledged” – they usually have a good job, friends, lovers, ambitions and plans for the future. But people who urgently need to change something in their lives feel great and, in principle, do not suffer from anything. The last stage is the so-called Quasimodo complex – a person constantly looks for shortcomings in himself and believes that he has no advantages.

Solution: It is best to consult a psychologist. He will be able to understand what this disorder is associated with and help get rid of it. You need to start small – try not to take everything seriously, praise yourself every day even for small victories and convince yourself that you deserve the best.

victim complex

victim complex – this problem is seen in 80% of women. They blame everyone (husband, job, neighbor, child) for all the troubles they experience, not themselves. As Valeria Novodvorskaya said: “You are all fools and not being treated. I’m the only one who looks good and is smart in a white coat!” At the same time, those who suffer from this situation are not those with the complex, but those around them.

Solution: Here again you will need to seek the advice of a psychologist. It will help you understand yourself and what you need in life.

small penis complex

Everything is clear here. Men are worried about the extent of their “dignity” (and whether their penis can in principle be called “dignity” is also a very important question for them). It all comes from childhood – the child realizes that his genitals are smaller than those of adults (and, of course, it’s scary to ask) and begins to experience complexes about this. Meanwhile, watching pornography also greatly affects the male psyche. After all, to make films for adults, actors are selected according to specific parameters. For reference: science has proven that a penis longer than 20cm is rare. Also, actors often use various methods of penis enlargement (creams, rings, vacuum pumps). Another proof that you shouldn’t believe everything you see on the screen.

Solution: if it is completely unbearable, go to the store for the same creams and pumps (or go to a plastic surgeon if there is really a problem and it is serious). By the way, this works for all complexes related to appearance. If you don’t like something about yourself, the easiest way is to change it. In general, it is time for all of us to stop putting appearance first. A simple understanding that this is not the most important thing in life will help a person get rid of many complexes.

Alice in Wonderland complex

This is already a woman’s story. Girls with an Alice in Wonderland complex are sure that a prince in a white helicopter is waiting for them somewhere, with a mansion on Rublyovka, an endless bank account and at least three dachas (in France, Spain and Italy). And as a bonus, he looks like a Greek god. Most likely, such girls were told from childhood that they were the best and that they should have only the best. As you understand, such men do not exist in nature (at least we have not seen them). So the girl finally moves away from reality and withdraws into herself (in severe cases, she begins to lie to her friends, saying that she found such a prince and the wedding will come soon).

Solution: It’s time to come down to earth and realize that princes don’t exist and everyone has flaws. Most likely this will not be easy to do and you will have to work with attitudes from childhood. It is difficult to replace them with new ones on your own, so the help of a psychologist will be very useful.

Don Quixote complex

Men with a Don Quixote complex see their women as Aphrodite at least, showering them with compliments and gifts and idealizing them. And suddenly they discover that they, too, are ordinary people with their own shortcomings and problems. The image imagined by Don Quixote never coincides with reality, so relationships often end abruptly after an “epiphany”. Often “mother’s children” suffer from this complex.

Solution: To eliminate this complex, men need to understand that ideal women (and ideal people) do not exist. Beautiful ladies have problems, worries and household responsibilities. So they can be without make-up, with messy hair, and they can cry and scream. And that’s okay.

Where do they come from?

In general, the list of existing complexes can be continued for a long time. In addition to those we have listed, there may be indecision, guilt, uncertainty, etc. There is also a complex. After all, how many people there are, so many complexes. But it is much more interesting to understand where they come from. There are several theories. According to one of them, the reason for everything is childhood trauma. A small child is completely dependent on an adult and accepts his words at face value. Therefore, even a single sentence spoken by a parent or teacher can affect a child’s self-confidence. According to another theory, complexes may also appear in adults when unpleasant situations arise. This often happens when a person’s self-esteem is unstable. In this case, it can be influenced by absolutely any factors, from the manager’s comments to the words of a random passerby.

How to work with them and is it possible to overcome them?

It is necessary to combat complexes through gradual, gentle changes in lifestyle and living conditions. Psychological problems are formed under the influence of upbringing and living conditions, so they need to be treated under their influence. The general methodology is this:

Defining the problem. You need to do a complete self-analysis, how to understand yourself and determine what complexes and cockroaches you have. It is also good to understand their causes and origins.

Analyze these problems. And do it calmly and reasonably: is there some truth in the complexes? Or not? Do you have objective problems?

Identify terms and conditions that can help solve the problem. Perhaps the most difficult step. Knowing the characteristics of your cockroaches and the reasons for their appearance can be helpful at this point. The most important thing, in my opinion, is not to be too enthusiastic about destroying complexes. This is a slow and gradual process; It is unlikely that you will achieve anything in a hurry. Therefore, the struggle must be organically woven into your daily life.