A good, happy and stable life is the dream of many, and each of us often tries to find simple, easy ways to achieve it. Affirmations have been considered one of them for many years. Marina Gogueva, business executive, leadership psychologist and founder of the Business is Psychology club, talked about how affirmations affect our lives and how effective and safe this method is.
What are affirmations?
Affirmations are positive statements that purport to help manage reality and create the necessary living conditions. Often they offer to follow certain rules for working with them. For example, for meditation, turn on the music, stand in front of the mirror, and repeat affirmations while looking at your reflection. Or, as you pronounce the chosen phrases, believing that they affect your life, imagine a golden glow within you penetrating your body, brain, and soul.
But this tool has nothing to do with scientific and practical psychology: Professionals are aware of the potential danger or, at best, uselessness of this tool.
Marina Gogueva, psychologist
How do positive attitudes work, what are they good for, and how do they affect life?
Coaches try to present the use of affirmations as a study of one’s attitudes. However, these are completely different concepts.
Important: Affirmations work in conjunction with therapy, a healthy lifestyle, and the ability to change your thinking.
Attitudes are beliefs that everyone has. As a rule, it concerns oneself, other people and the world in which we live. The settings are divided into restrictive and permissive.
Examples of limit settings:
about yourself: “I am useless”, “I always ruin everything”, “hands do not grow from there”;
about others: “all athletes are stupid”, “all men cheat”, “female friendship does not exist”;
about the world: “either you – or you”, “happiness loves silence”, “the world is unjust”.
Examples of allowed settings:
about myself: “At least I can try”, “I learn new things quickly”, “I get along with people easily”;
about others: “family will always help”, “friends can be found at any age”, “you should work with people you trust”;
· about the world: “Everyone has a chance of success”, “happiness is enough for everyone”, “life is full of opportunities”.
The more tolerant environments a person has, the easier it is for him to function in the world. He is ready to act and does not measure seven times before cutting, but at the same time he is not always positive and naive, such a person does not believe everyone he meets and does not hold grudges against those who cheated and betrayed him. .
Positive affirmations help to reflect the truth, but this is not the case with affirmations.
What are the dangers of validation?
The real threat is the creation of the illusion of an ideal world. The affirmation victim convinces himself of this by saying: “Every day brings something good into my life, I thank the Universe for bringing me daily benefits.”
But this is not true. There are difficult, anxious, difficult days. Psychologically, a grown person can quite cope with it. Affirmations, on the other hand, reinforce the human infantile position, believe in “rainbow unicorns,” and are not completely attuned to reality.
For an adult:
– Experience the emotions appropriate to the situation.
– Do not suppress the emotions that arise, allow them and live them.
A person who makes a childish affirmation will:
– Change your emotions, because he does not know how to live and process them on his own, therefore he replaces them with positive phrases: “The universe has sent me a lesson, so it takes care of me”, “before the darkest time”, etc.
– Strengthen the effect of the protective mechanisms of the psyche, leaving it in a neurotic state. The first person to describe defense mechanisms was Sigmund Freud. One of them is called “rationalization” – when a person tries to explain everything from a reasonable, logical point of view: not just “a man cheated on me”, but “happiness should be experienced, I should write in my gratitude journal “Thanks to the world for the test.”
– Reinforce the childlike position through the obsession with children’s egoism. It is normal for a child to think that everything in the world is because of and for him. For example, that mother fell ill because she stepped on a crack in the asphalt, and when she saw 12:12, her wish came true. An adult who believes in the power of affirmation thinks in much the same way: “I will think positively and that will attract me.” It is normal for someone in an adult position to see their own or others’ choice and not play contention with the Universe: “My husband cheated – it’s his choice and mine is to live with it. forward or not, and if I constantly encounter unfaithful men, then it is worth considering the parameters by which I choose such partners. “
How can we distinguish permissive attitudes from affirmations?
Affirmations most often:
· formulated with superlative phrases: “I am the most attractive”, “I have the most loving husband”;
generalized: “the whole world is on my side”, “everyone around me loves and supports me”;
report another person’s helpful behavior: “men dream of giving me gifts and see no one but me.”
The permissive environment differs from affirmation in that it still relates to reality and human abilities, not pink dreams or subordinating other people’s behavior to one’s desires. For example, “there are people you can trust” (not all people in the world) or – “I can have an interesting conversation” (and I’m not attracted to all men in the world).
When Can Affirmations Help?
The benefits of positive affirmations are questionable – at best they do no harm. Because a person:
it does not come into contact with reality, it creates an illusion;
· does not develop the ability to adapt, think strategically and control behavior, but begins to fantasize defensively;
it does not strengthen the psychologically mature and fixated in a childlike position;
Engages in obsession (compulsive, neurotic repetition of positive statements) to perpetuate the underlying anxiety.
If a person sometimes uses affirmations, there is nothing to worry about. For example, when he goes to an interview, he tries to calm himself by saying “I will succeed”. But if there are regular affirmations in your life, you should contact a psychologist, deal with suppressed anxiety, the psyche’s defense mechanisms, and the infantile position in order to truly live and consciously improve your life.
Source: People Talk
Errol Villanueva is an author and lifestyle journalist who writes for The Fashion Vibes. With a passion for exploring the latest trends in fashion, food, travel, and wellness, Errol’s articles are a must-read for anyone interested in living a stylish and fulfilling life.
