Mom’s nightmare after her teenage daughter dies in a horrific accident near her home

A mother of three children described how it broke her heart to knock on a police officer’s door in the early hours of a rainy Monday morning and “wanted to die”.

Susan Loch’s 19-year-old daughter, Jessica, was ten minutes from home when she drove off a notorious section of highway and crashed into a tree.

The teenager from Mollymook, near Ulladulla on NSW’s south coast, was en route to her boyfriend’s home in nearby Vincentia and died instantly.

Susan, 59, told FEMAIL that the accident 11 years ago sent her straight to “hell.”

“All I wanted was to have my baby back. I had all these wonderful people helping and supporting me, but it didn’t matter because they couldn’t give me the one thing that could have made everything better”.

She and her husband Brad plunged deeper into their own despair, blaming themselves for the shocking death of their sweet daughter.

“I was the one who convinced him to get a driver’s license, I told him I was independent because we live in a small town,” Susan said.

The young woman went to her boyfriend, who lived in a nearby town: she hit a notorious road

Before the accident, the family includes father Brad, eldest son Nathan, youngest Dylan, mother Susan and Jessica.

“And because I wasn’t home that night, Brad blamed himself for not forbidding him to drive because the weather was so bad.

“But in reality the mistake is useless and it’s not our fault either. He loved to drive and nothing my husband said that night would have kept him at home.

The couple also have two sons, Nathan, who was 18 at the time of the accident, and Dylan, who was 14 at the time of the accident.

“Nathan heard a knock on the door and caught his father, the police told him that Jess was killed,” she said.

Susan had stayed with her elderly parents that night, and her husband and the police had to wait for the situation to clear up before they drove up to her.

“It was six in the morning, waiting for me to wake up. “When I saw them both standing, I knew something bad had happened to Jessica.”

From then on, Susan told herself she was “totally numb”, telling herself she could “survive until the funeral” and then succumb to her broken heart.

Susan wrote a book in which she describes how she enjoyed life again after the accident.

“I remember those early days sitting on the back deck thinking about death and not knowing how to go on another day.”

400 people attended the funeral and witnessed the popularity of the youth in society.

“We left the ward and put Jess’s coffin in the hearse to the tune of Angus and Julia Stone’s Big Jet Plane. When I heard this song for years, I had to turn it off.

“My husband and kids, even Jess’ cousin, were on their playlists and it drove me crazy. They listened to him and remembered in life, I could not, he only reminded me of death.

Susan and Brad pictured with little Jessica, parents blame themselves after death

They remember her as a lovely and friendly young woman who loved to chat for hours with her family.

The mother said that she would dream of death, that her daughter would sleep in her bed and be cut off from her physical life.

“Looking back, I don’t know how I found the strength to do this. Even choosing the coffin, there are so many choices that it’s overwhelming and the worst thing I’ve ever had to do.

To emerge stronger than ever ten years later, Susan wrote a book about her grief and how her family coped with it.

“I’ve been sitting in a very dark place for a long time, but I’m glad I didn’t.” [end my life] because now I look forward to every day and I love my life.”

Susan said Jessica wanted to be a reporter, which prompted her to write the book.

It took four years for the words to come together on the page, but for her daughter, who dreams of becoming a journalist, this is her last job.

She started the project five years after her daughter’s death and says she helped her achieve the result she needed after losing her first child.

Susan refused to let her mother, children, or husband read the book for fear of the devastating story that would trigger them and drag them back to the hardest part of their lives.

“This is such a rough story, my son tried to read it once and couldn’t get past the first page.”

The relationship between him and Brad was in crisis before the accident, he admits they would probably break up if they weren’t somehow united by grief.

But it was not easy – the mother said that she was so desperate to escape the sympathy of the townspeople and the memories of her daughter that she took a job in Sydney.

“Brad later said that I left our family and him in times of need,” she said.

“But if I didn’t, I honestly don’t think I would be here today. I certainly would not find a way to thrive again”.

Jessica is with her younger siblings, who have decided to make most of their lives for their missing sister.

He has since asked his children if they felt the same way, but they told him he was doing the best he could.

“They told me I was a great mom and they saw how hard I worked to be there for them.”

Susan joined a group of grieving mothers in Sydney, where she learned that time can ease her pain and found solace in knowing that others can deal with her pain.

Later, he befriended a woman in her hometown who had lost her child years ago, and they made a pact to survive.

“You do very little with yourself until you start seeing the light again,” he said.

On the day of Jess’s funeral, Susan said she was “surprised” that she had always dreamed of a wedding dress for her daughter and hadn’t been looking for the right casket.

Susan attended the funeral of a grieving mother who could not bear the loss of her son.

“I remember seeing his other two kids sitting there and it broke my heart because those kids represent the children of all mothers and all fathers who couldn’t stand this loss.

“They represented my sons in those early years and I’m so thankful I got over it.”

When Jess died, Susan went to her tree to chat and have a sip of wine.

She had even missed the bubblegum lying in bed chatting, curling up on the sofa together, and even watching her make up from the perch by the bathroom door.

And she feared for her two other children, who grew up “living it to the full”, traveling the world, and taking risks for her sisters.

“I would be horrified if they got in the car for years,” he said.

My mom said she once said she was a mother of two after the accident but was shaken by guilt so she never said it again.

When her youngest son decided to go to Bali for the school dances, Susan couldn’t help being there in case something happened.

He was an avid traveler in his youth but had decided not to become a party island.

So she was shocked when her trip there, finding spiritual satisfaction and bonding with the taxi driver who lost her child, accelerated her journey of recovery.

The family gathers every year to celebrate Jess’s birthday and her death on March 21.

Susanna’s “Jessica’s Gift” is available from Harry Hartog, Berkelouw, Dymocks, Bookface, as well as many independent bookstores in NSW, QLD and VIC.