Help! My boyfriend keeps moaning and it’s driving me crazy

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice covered in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to rescue a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

I’ve been in a relationship for over six years with a great guy and yet one of his character traits is starting to stand out in my eyes… He whines ALL THE TIME.

Our beginnings weren’t all rosy, so many bad things happened to him and it wasn’t easy to handle, so I coped and became the infallible support he needed. But over the years he began to come back to the sun, he found excellent jobs much better paid, he got the license for the motorcycle, had fun, etc.

But his yes-yes side hasn’t changed, nor has his need for support… He’s always tired, he’s always overworked (it’s true, but me too.) In short, nothing is ever right and that weighs on it.. I’ve tried everything, supporting him, reassuring him, advising him to go to the doctor, getting angry at the injustices he suffers, and even being indifferent when I just can’t take it anymore! Nothing works.

Today I attack my fourth day of white angina which nailed me to bed to my computer that telecommutes (because sometimes there is no choice huh) and the other one, there, continues to chouiner when I’m at the end of my life. I’m making a pressure cooker, please tell me how not to explode…

Thank you dear Daronne,

Married

Daronne’s answer

My little maple leaf,

I confess that when I read your email, I thought someone was writing me for my daughter. The little one is cute, smart, funny, but she moans all the time. ALL TIME. Sometimes I go to psychology and ask her why she cries, when, frankly, it’s no big deal if her pink towel is dirty and she’s going to have to use the red one. Especially since she’s not two years old for ages (the baby, not the towel). So in short, I’m benevolent, you see, I ask: ” What makes you cry my love ? “. Reply : ” Bwaaaa bwaaa, I don’t know why I’m crying, but I can’t help myself mom, you know. So here we are.

The little girl (who inherited her tendencies from a parent I won’t name, but who isn’t me) nevertheless allows me to consider the following conclusion: sometimes people complain because that’s what comes naturally when it comes to responding to a somewhat unpleasant question. Where normal people just shrug, these hellish beings need to verbalize with all their soul.

But how to frame them, accompany them and at the same time avoid letting them pass through the ground floor window?

To explode or not to explode? That’s not the question

You tell me in your letter that you need some advice or you will end up exploding. And I say to myself: if you’ve been chewing the bite for six years, why not? Don’t inflict this silent frustration on yourself, you know, it can’t be good for your health. Next time your boyfriend sticks his nostrils out, promise me you won’t wait half a decade before freaking out. You too have the right to complain, you deserve it, believe me!

Between the Daron and me, I think it blows up about twice a year (gut upset aside, hu hu hu) and let me tell you, it’s not too much. A good mouthpiece has many advantages: it allows you to put things in place and unload. But most importantly, big plus, after a big argument with a spouse, no one talks to anyone for a while, until the blood pressure subsides. In a daily life made up exclusively of noise pollution, it is a real luxury to spend a few days in silence without hearing your boyfriend ranting. Some people would pay dearly for it.

Really, I insist, you have to show him your annoyance, turning on the pressure cooker mode or in total peace of mind, if you prefer. Early love have you used to having a crying office at home, how do you expect him to know that the rules of the game have changed and expect him to work through his issues? Or just stop grumbling? Whatever happens, even if his complaints testify to a deeper malaise, the fact of whining all day without having the concrete support of a professional certainly does not help him feel better.

People and their awful flaws

If a few moans hide a deeper malaise, there are many people who are perfectly fine and who have inherited the chouine gene at birth. We still love them, huh, but we want to trip them up to finally give them a good reason to complain.

This is also completely the problem of the human species: people can be wonderful, they always have flaws. And by default, I’m not talking about the flaws we think we identify at the outset, like: ” He never runs out of his fries and I have to eat them for him, hihihi ” Where is it ” She rubs her cold feet against my calves to warm them up when we’re in bed, love love love “.

I am thinking here of absolutely unbearable defects that unfortunately everyone has, such as complaining continuously, but also talking non-stop, or even contradicting systematically… These characteristics are tiring, but we must accept them because we love the other and that even if he makes an effort, he will never change altogether (and so much the better?).

Tips for everyday life

In the meantime, here are some tips to help you manage the situation:

• Print a full-size photo of yourself, paste it on a cardboard template and hide a small tape recorder behind the device that will transmit” Ah! Oh ? For real ? ” at regular intervals. Your boyfriend will think you have it in front of you and you can take a quiet nap to calmly recover from the sore throat.
• Complain even more about him. No, it’s not easy when you’re not used to it, but you’ll see, you’ll get used to it very quickly. Then you’ll be a bitter couple, everyone you know will avoid you like the plague, but you’ll be on the same page and that’ll be OK!
• Ask him to put a dollar in a jar every time he complains. You should quickly raise enough cash to invest in a Bluetooth headset with optimal noise isolation.
• Practice psychology. Like me with my daughter. Only you won’t be the psychologist, but a qualified professional who you will consult as a couple or each on your side.
• Finally, as a last resort, you may feel that life is too short to live next to a sad father who is unable to appreciate the beauty of existence and sail to other skies.

Come on, I’ll leave you, I have to go put my things away. Oh and then you know what, I’m going to watch a movie instead.

bisette,

Your Daronne

Photo credit image of one: Getty Images