I can’t stand my mother taking my baby in her arms!

Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice dressed in a large dose of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to save a reader!

The question for Daronne

Dear Daronne,

My son is almost a month old and in addition to the unconditional love I have for him, I have also developed a possessiveness that is quite difficult to live with and especially towards his grandmothers.

When they ask me if they can pick him up, I accept, because I don’t want to be obnoxious, but it makes you angry.

When my mom calls her “my little darling,” the possessive deterrent really makes me spin, like I’m the only woman in her life. I know he doesn’t belong to me and it’s great that his grandmothers love him so much, but I can’t help but feel this almost animalistic possessiveness, this resentment.

Is that normal? “Can I restrain his grandmothers’ impulses without looking like a shrew?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

Lucia

My little wooden rattle,

Do you know why they call me la Daronne? Because I’m a Daronne of course! And like Daronne, I know how much the arrival of a baby can do, how can I put it mildly … it can be like a big pie in the face. Welcome to motherhood, this wonderful world where you don’t really know why or how, but all the traumas and neuroses in the world come in “Hi, it’s us!” Mode. We come to live with you! “.

When you become a mother, you start behaving in ways you don’t understand and above all, and that’s the beauty of it …: You don’t react ANYONE in the way you expected. You thought you were flexible, you find yourself consumed with anxiety. You thought you would love the baby at first sight, but he’s just a loud, bald frog. You thought, on the contrary, that love would come in time and now an impulse as strong as it is painful takes everything in her path.

The good news is that, contrary to what society’s injunctions want you to believe, there is no right or wrong way to react to the arrival of a baby. Your needs and wants are absolutely legitimate, even if they are not the needs and wants of others.

The bad news is that you go and explain that to the gaga grannies who are dying to hug this baby they already love so much. BUT YOU ARE LESS STRONG THAN YOU.

You have the right to refuse to hold your baby in your arms

I called on my friend Google and most netizens are in favor of you: if mom doesn’t want others to keep her baby, so be it. However, a child is not a toy. Or maybe a rotten ’90s toy that keeps making noise even after hitting the sleep button. And who would benefit from manipulating such a thing? Nobody. Here you are.

What I do know, however, is that communication is essential. Don’t hesitate to share your feelings with those around you. Verbalize your discomfort and explain to your loved ones that it is not aimed at them personally, but that you will still act accordingly.
And while waiting for him to calm down, remind grannies that there are many ways to get involved with the grandson that don’t involve drooling on us: saucers, gifts, listening ears, family outings, ideas are not lacking.

Take the time you need to become a mother

Even if you have every right to want to merge with the child, away from the outside world in practice, I still think it is worth identifying the reasons for your visceral possessiveness.

It can be a temporary state that you are allowed to experiment at your own pace (doesn’t it seem like I’m speaking like a benevolent Instagram account?). It can also be a situation that settles in the long run and in this case, when you feel ready, you can ask yourself about the reasons that lead you to act in this way.

As a general rule, keep in mind that away from the clichés of absolute happiness, postpartum and motherhood, it’s a tsunami. Oh yeah, watch me open the doors. At the slightest slack, at the slightest uncertainty, you shouldn’t hesitate to ask for help.

Understanding you, seeing things in this new light, moving on, letting go (a little bit), seeing a professional contacted if things get too hot, it all takes time. But you know what? We’re not broken, you just started this great motherhood thing, you absolutely don’t need to master the file. Between us, I’ve been there for years, I don’t have much yet and it doesn’t matter. Either way, no one understands anything about the game and navigates on sight doing their best.

False excuses for not touching the precious

While waiting to see more clearly and to know if your possessiveness is really problematic or if it will calm down on its own in a few months, there are also irrepressible excuses to stop grannies from touching babies.

• Oh no! The child has it a dazzling and ultra contagious gastro, we know something! Don’t touch us or you will be cursed.
• He sleeps ! And he slept badly last night, sorry, we can’t wake him up. Hey what, do you hear the chirping? No, it’s the neighbor. What do you mean we live in an isolated house? Oh, then he must be a ghost!
• The pediatrician told us that with all the epidemics that have dragged on since the end of Covid, we had to prevent people other than the parents from touching the newborn. YES YES YES, it seemed extreme to me too and I hurried to ask for a second opinion. Unfortunately always the same.
• Hi, you are on our answering machine, we are not available at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep.
• DING DONG (ringing sound)! ……………………………………………………………………………
• – Hi darling, can I come and see my little darling ajd * animated gif teddy bear with hearts *
  Hello Mom ! I’m fine and you ? It is clear that the 20 degrees of October are going crazy!

As for your mother calling her baby my little darling, it all depends on your relationship. You can decide to ask him frontally to stop if you trust him, worry or even distance yourself, especially if the past gets confused with the present (what a nice sentence for an email end).

Whatever happens, I wish you luck, you’ll see, it’s hell, but you’ll laugh (promised),

The big big cookie

Your daronne

Photo credit image of one: Getty Images Signature