Our families harass us to know where we will celebrate Christmas, help me!

Released December 2021

La Daronne is the queen of not-so-stupid advice wrapped in a touch of more or less subtle humor. Here she is back to save a reader!

Dear Daronne,

It’s the same thing every year. Since mid-October, our respective families have been harassing my daughter and me to find out where we will celebrate Christmas. It seems that it is a competition and that the loser will still earn the right to fool us. It’s even worse since we had children and we can’t take it anymore. HELP! Help us make a choice.

Will be

Daronne’s answer

My little synthetic white tree,

Family Christmas celebrations are always the same. We make a big deal out of it, we promise ourselves that this year everything will be fine and we will end up eating the charred turkey by putting it on our faces.

The problem is that most families in France continue to perpetrate this absurd belief: Christmas is wonderful and it is absolutely necessary to celebrate it with those close to you. We ignore the other 360 days of the year when we could even comfortably get together for a good dinner. We pay instead an overpriced fish dish which will not fail to transmit E. coli bacteria to the whole table. A lot of fun.

I tell you what your situation inspires me: emotional hostage-taking. There you have it, the term has fallen. Unless you have magical powers that you don’t mention in your letter, you are neither able to divide, nor cut yourself in half – without dying anyway – so it is perfectly unfair for you to pressure this issue.

Starting with the very regrettable but realistic premise that you can’t be everywhere at the same time, I’ll try to help you make everyone happy. Or to please you and your girlfriend anyway. Among us, the others deserve you to send them balls, I’ll come back to this at the end of the letter.

Organize Christmas parties at different times

Under the pretext that Jesus was born on December 25th at midnight after a birth that would last the entire evening of the 24th, it was decided that in those days Christmas was celebrated. Absurd. Yes, I point out that between France and Bethlehem the time difference is certain, therefore does not fall flat. And then maybe Marie’s work lasted several days, this is also possible. In my opinion, we can allow ourselves some freedoms in terms of dates.

Instead of worrying about trying to accommodate 2 or 3 families and several hundred kilometers in the same couple of days, space out. Christmas with some on the 22nd, with others on the 26th, allows you to see everyone without getting tired (too much).

I’m sure you can count on your loved ones to help you better prepare your itinerary and organize your visits with good intelligence… Ha ha ha, I’m joking. Instead I recommend you do it an “impartial” tie. which will allow you to distribute the dates without getting wet. What if you cheat your game splashing water to get the result that’s right for you, I promise you I won’t repeat it.

Plan Christmas in the same place

Life is always the same: no one is ever happy, but no one takes their legs off the sofa to find solutions. He imagines, if there was a simple and effective way to get everyone to agree, no one could moan anymore, that would be terrible. Unfortunately for these poopers, I have an idea that could potentially work for everyone. And even if you don’t, no one can blame you for not trying.

If your respective families live more or less in the same place and don’t get along too well, the best solution is still to bring them together and take advantage of the many advantages what this type of configuration offers:

• You don’t have to do it again on the 26th when you have a hangover.

• The children are very happy, there is always someone available to take care of them (not you).

• Children insup ‘once (the gifts make them turn, so as to limit breakages).

• Nobody will notice that you have no conversation.

• No one will notice that you have spent the last two hours browsing Instagram.

• You can do your homework, and given the number of people involved, there shouldn’t be much left to do but put your feet under the table.

Take yourself to the end of the world or hide in your living room

This subtitle speaks for itself. To the great evils, to the great “fuck you all”. If your respective families are putting you under pressure regarding the place for a winter vacation, don’t hesitate to take one little eve between youin an unusual place at the end of the world or, better yet, in your living room.

Pajamas, chocolates, Christmas movies and the absence of guilt-filled conflict – if you ask me, there’s no better way to celebrate the holiday season. So invoke the worrying symptoms of Covid and the inability to take the test in time, and stay home. Your health is at stake. Especially yours.

Come on, I’ll leave you, I’ll watch Christmas TV movies on Netflix,

bisetta,

Your Daronne

Featured Image: Getty Images